I don't really want to write, but...

I feel like I should. I've gone from one emotional spectrum to the other in the last 24 hours, and am now currently back somewhere in the middle. I don' t even remember what I wrote last night, but I know I was down and feeling a bit overdramatic. I just need to stop fucking overanalyzing things and just chill. It really pisses me off that I'm like this. (Put on list of things to work on!) Anyway, I'm feeling much much better...not 100% about all of this nonsense, but I'm feeling alright. Mom sure is getting her two cents in, but I'm not going to follow her advice I don't think, I'm just going to see what happens and if something does I'm not going to apologize for it. I'm being cautious cause I don't want to go through what I went through last night, again anytime soon. Does that sentence make sense? Whatevs. I know I should have gone to the Graham Coxon show tonight for many reasons but I'm a little glad I didn't, for just as many reasons. I'm listening to my new-old Wilco cd. Myspace fucking sucks right now...you can't change your profile, add comments to blogs, and something else that I can't remember right now, but I know it's pissing me off...oh, pictures, you can't upload, well if I would have fucking known that, I wouldn't have deleted one of them in order to put a new one up. Stupid myspace, I hope they get their shit together soon. I'm not really as irritable as I sound right now. I just feel like a stupid overdramatic girl responding to a possibly dumb boy, so I'm irritated with myself. I should fucking know better! Hello Matt! LEARN TO LOWER EXPECTATIONS! Ok, I'm trying but it's hard...is it so hard to think that a cute boy might think I'm cute too? Why is that so outlandish? Why does it seem that short little Mexicans and old men rockin the ponytail are the only interested parties...or at least the only ones who approach me or seem to have any interest in me? I mean, I know I'm not ugly...so...maybe my standards are too high...but I'm not going to start lowering them, I'd rather be by myself thank you. Why am I so whiny? I don't want a boyfriend...I guess it would just be nice to hear something from a cute boy like "I think you're pretty and nice, but I don't think it would ever work out" and actually have them mean it, not just "letting me down easy." I would love to hear that...cause hell, dude, I know it wouldn't work either, but I still think you're foxy and would tell you that, I mean, come on, it's a confidence booster right? For someone who doesn't want to write anything, I sure am getting a lot of things off of my chest. Ok, things aren't all bad, in fact almost everything is wonderful so why am I dwelling on the not-so-perfect aspects? I don't know. Here are some good things though: Went to the park today after getting off of work a half hour early (oh snap!) and walked 4 miles, then Susan came and we did a lap and chatted and looked at the cute trapeez (sp?) boys, I had dinner at my Mom's house and it was very good, my cabinets are almost paid off after this month's payment (God damn that will feel good!), I have a lot of people who love me and support me and that is the most important of all. I'm very lucky...many people have my back, punching walls and formulating angry messages even! So enough of the "poor me" act, I am hap hap happy and I need to let the other stuff go. WHOOOSH. Ok, it's gone.