Saturday 5/28, In the morning I kept waking up and just thinking and staring at the ceiling, then he woke up and aske me how I was feeling, and I was like "Ehh, ok, I don't know" then he was like "What's going on?" it was hard to tell him, but I did. I told him that I felt like I wasn't good enough for him and that his friends must think that too cause everyone seems to have their critical thing to say about me. Anyway, we talked a whole bunch and he told me not to worry and that Mildred's just a bitch and not that good of a friend so I don't need to worry. He told me why he likes me and that made me feel better, and then finally we got out of bed and I checked my phone and Kristel wanted to put our hanging out until later, so I drove home and ate some lunch and visited with Mom, and she got a new car, Mercedes again, so I drove that around the block and it's pretty nice, but then Kristel wanted to meet for dinner instead of sunbathing cause she's dealing with roommate drama and had a ton of shit to do, so I came home and showered and took a little nap and watched some SatC and then called Kristel around 6:20 and I headed over. I got there and the gate wouldn't open, but K came down and then we went up and I chatted with her parents a little and helped take some stuff down to their car, then they left and Kristel took a shower and I watched What Not to Wear and looked at a Pottery Barn catalog, then we walked across the street to the Thai place and I told her about the incident the night before...she had plenty to say (she's mouthy and unhappy) and we talked all the way through dinner. After that, we went to Starbucks so I could get my customary Chocolate Chip cookie, then we sat in her apt and talked some more and I got some ice for my bee sting. It was like 9:30 so I left to go meet B at Jason's house, and when I got there they were playing a game and then broke out the Outburst and I just watched, cause we all know I don't play em...then we went home at like 12:30 and went to bed...
I'll write more later...at this point I'm sick of it.
Friday 5/27, I was feeling kind of down, but I was going to go to B's house so I was excited about that, but anyway, I got off of work an hour early and came home and showered I think...I just watched a whole bunch of SatC and ate some veggies and rice for dinner. I think the process of just lying around and not doing anything all evening made my "weird" mood a little worse. So anyway...then B called and said that he wanted to go out and that if I wanted to too, I could come out...which I didn't really want to do, but I wanted to see him so I said I would come over. So I drove over and he told me that he was kind of in still a bad mood from before and that he wasn't quite over it, which was weird cause that's how I was feeling, but I didn't want to be like "Oh yeah, I'm in a weird mood too" cause that looks obvious or something...but I wrote a blog earlier in the day so there's my proof that I was not feeling good. Then I told him, and we sat on his bed and just talked for a long time and he said that I made him feel better cause we talked about relationships and my great realization (Shit, that's what I was going to talk to Kristel about...this will act as a reminder) and some other stuff, but I don't remember...anyway, we talked forever, and then he thought that we should probably find his phone cause people were going to be calling him to make plans. So we got ready and went out to his car and he had some missed calls, but when he tried to return them no one was answering, so we decided to go to Greenlake and walk around and talk...so we get there and we start walking around but then this biker told us a bike race was going to be coming through, so we detoured through a field and then when we hit the basketball court Mildred called. So they're talking and I hear him saying poncho and shawl and that they would have to look something up in the dictionary, but then I stopped paying attention. So when he gets off the phone, he's like "Yeah, um, Mildred doesn't like your purple shawl" and I was like "...What?" then he says that he got a text message from her earlier and didn't know what it meant and showed it to me, it said "lilac poncho? ah, sick!" So I guess those were the first words out of her mouth on the phone...I guess it didn't sit well with her. Anyway, then I'm like, how does she even KNOW I have one...I've never met her, and I've only worn it twice, once to Bremerton for his Grandma's birthday and the other time to Diana's birthday party, but I left it in the car cause B said it didn't really go with my outfit...so I guess it didn't sit well with him either. ANYWAY, so then I'm trying to figure out how she even knows...and then I'm getting pissed cause she doesn't even know me and she's talking shit. Then B's like "That's really weird, I wonder how she even knows" and I just was like "what the fuck ever" what a bitch. So then we walk back to the car and go to the store cause B's hungry, but they're closing so we go back to the one by his house pick up food and go home. I get ready for bed, he makes his food and then we go to bed. He fell asleep right away but I couldn't sleep right away and couldn't stop thinking about how I felt like I was being judged by all of his friends...so then I start crying, but my chest was convulsing cause I was trying to be quiet, so I had to try not to...and finally fell asleep.
I'm a little irritated with myself right now. I'm not going to say why, but I will say: I just need to be myself, not apologize for who I am, and not try to be someone I'm not. I don't know why I care so much about what people think of me...I've done just fine thus far and I don't think that I need to change my format for anyone. I am going to work on being less self-conscious.
Hmpf. So there.
I feel better now. Kind of.
And if I could be Who you wanted If I could be Who you wanted All the time All the time
Why is Sex and the City so good? Ok, not all of the epiosdes are great, but some of them are so fantastic. Like the one where Miranda sleeps with the guy who likes to talk dirty "Oh baby, you're so nasty!" soooo funny. Too many to name here, but I just want to go on record saying that I love this show. Bla-dow.
Thursday 5/26, Yesterday it was really nice out and Peggy let me go an hour early so I called B to say hi, and he was like, "Why don't I come over cause it's so nice out? We could go do something" so I was like "Ok then, come on over" so he did just that. I took a quick shower and changed cause what I was wearing was making me sweat, eww. He got there and we laid around for a while and just chatted...what we do best I suppose. He wanted a milkshake, well actually he said he could go for a milkshake or sex, either one...not one over the other or any preference, just one of them. So we went for a milkshake. I also loaded up my car with stuff for the Goodwill cause it's all been in my car and bathroom FOREVER. We drove up to Kidd Valley on Bel-Red and had our milkshakes and then went to GW and I got rid of all of my stuff, finally! While we were driving home he was thinking of music I would like and we were listening to some Madness song that sounded like Oingo Boingo. Got to my house and just laid around some more and talked, then showered and laid around some more, then he had to go by 8:45, but suggested that if we wanted to see each other more that the logical thing to do would be to move in together...eek! Not that that's what he wants to do, that's just what would make sense. Um...yeah...we'll see about that. Anyway...he left and I watched more SatC, but was so tired that I fell asleep by 10:30.
Wednesday 5/25, Today it's supposed to be beautiful, I don't think I'll be up for going for a walk though...I kind of just want to go home and veg out. I'm tired and want to get started on Season 3 of SatC...plus I need to start thinking about painting my bathroom so maybe I'll look at some swatches and do housey-stuff.
Tuesday 5/24, I got out of work late cause Jim was taking forever to get ready and I had to set the alarm before I left, but I got out and went to the park. Called B when I got there to see what he was up to for the evening and with the car and his parents were meeting him to look at it and finalize everything I think, so I told him to call me later. On my first lap around the park I had to go to the bathroom but I didn't want to walk over to the mall, but then on my second lap I remembered that there was a sign that says RESTROOM that points in the direction of the mall, so I noticed some little outbuildings on my third lap around and decided to investigate. So there they were bathrooms set off to the side behind all of these trees and things, and they're actually in this beautiful little courtyard-type setting, like a little secret garden. If I hadn't been exercising I would have sat on one of the benches and just enjoyed the scenery...but I was, so I used the bathroom and continued on. I did a total of 3.5 miles and then called it a day. Right as I got in my car I got a text message from B that said "Guess who's got a new boyfriend!" so I was very excited and just wrote back "Yay!" and drove home. Had some dinner, watched some more Sex and the City, took a shower, then B called to say he wasn't doing Western Night and that he was thinking about coming over, so about a half hour later he did and I made him some dinner and I got to finish watching my episode of Sex and the City. We talked a lot about weddings and rings and that stuff, and I don't think we're exactly on the same page with all of it, but I guess that's ok, we don't have to be, at least right now...then we looked at my new Q together and decided it was time for bed. We made out and went to sleep.
Monday 5/23, I don't think I really did anything on Monday, just watched Sex and the City and roomie didn't get home til like 11:30 or something, and I read my entire blog until midnight. Did some research for B on banks and loans and stuff, but he ended up not needing any of it cause his mom worked some credit card deal so it's going to work out for the best.
Sunday 5/22, We woke up kind of early except I stayed in bed forever and B looked online for cars and called on a few. We (I) finally got up out of bed and ready and we headed down to Gorditos for lunch, but I had to pick out the beans though, cause I don't like those. There were these scary hardcore people who pulled in right in front of us and one of them was HUGE, I mean really, this guy was enormous...B said he ordered a tofu burrito too, so is he veggie? How do you get that big on that kind of diet? Christ...what the hell do you eat that could make you that huge?? I'll ponder it for a while. Soooo...then we went to Aurora to look at a Subaru Legacy wagon, but it wasn't sporty, and all we knew was that it was "Local" ("Yeah, I can see that") so we called on the Impreza Outback on Capitol Hill and headed over there. We got up there and took it for a test drive and B loved it so he told the guy he would take and we went to go get a deposit. On the way back to the guy's house we went and drove by our dream house and it's in the perfect spot...so cute...B had seen it before so he knew right where it was. Then we dropped off the money and went back to his house to call his parents...then he was going to try and get on the ferry to go get his Mom's car, so I dropped him off and went home. I came up to my room with some aggrevation due to my roomie and just hung out up here for the evening. Talked to Alishia and Mom and Dad, then Susan after Desperate Housewives and B for like 3 seconds before I got into the shower to find my strings. I came up with a brilliant plan while in there and couldn't wait to tell B, but he never called me back so I had to tell him this morning, but I did tell Susan and I think she thought it was a good idea, B thinks it's "passive aggressive" but effective nonetheless. Hee hee. I watched a bunch of Sex and the City and then went to bed at like 11:45.
Saturday 5/21, Woke up and started to get ready and left by 11:15 and went to the store for flowers for his Grandma's birthday. I got tampons (geez my period is heavy with this IUD) and a croissant cause I was hungry. It was very cloudy and cold out, and I wasn't dressed for that weather, but I didn't have anything else so that sucked. Oh yeah, we tried to jump B's car, cause we were going to Bremerton, but it wouldn't start, so we drove my car. Drove to Bremerton via Gig Harbor and Hwy 16, which was a nice drive and gave us a chance to just talk and enjoy each other's company. I was nervous because there was going to be a ton of family there (both his parents have 4 siblings), but we got there and everyone was really nice, though I don't remember anyone's names at all, except for one cousin named Kaitlin. There were so many flowers they were so beautiful...70 roses for Grandma plus a ton more bouquets of other flowers all over the place. There was a ton of food and it was all really good and we just kind of sat at a table outside for a long time with his parents which was a lot of fun. Getting to know them better and such...Dad is hilarious, and met his other Grandma who was really nice too, it was so cold though, so B gave me his sweatshirt. B started talking about buying a new car cause his won't start, so we were going to do that on Sunday. We hung out for a while inside too and looked at bird books and he already knows all this crazy stuff about all of them...he's continually amazing me. Then we decided to leave around...um...5:00 or so, cause the party started at 1:00 so we had been there a while. We drove back and ran into nasty weather and traffic in Tacoma. Got back and just lied around and I was in and out of sleep while he looked at cars online. Then he started to get frisky so I showered and we messed around and then ended up not going to meet Mildred for a movie, but instead falling asleep by like 9:30. I got up around 11:00 and took out my contacts and got ready for bed, but we were both so tired.
Friday 5/20, I went to see Grandma and she's not doing too well and is kind of angry. So I visited with her for a while and Grandpa too but she just kept getting mad at him. Then I went to Mom's and worked out but only did a half hour on the treadmill and read my new Q. Ended up going back home to shower and get ready cause I was going to sleep at B's and we were going to be doing things over the weekend so I had to pack my overnight bags. Got to B's and I think we just hung out for a while...yeah, he had just gotten out of the shower and then he got ready and I think I played on the computer. Then Jason called and told us to meet him over at Sameer's. We were going to take B's car but his lights had been left on when I got there, and his car wouldn't start so we took mine down there...to Ballard. We watched a few episodes of Family Guy at Sameer's, and Kevin lives there, weird! I also met another roommate, Noah, I recognized him from Dolour pictures and I think he's in USE, so that's fun. We decided to go down to Hattie's Hat, and it was FREEZING out. B parked so far away so we had to walk a while. We went and sat in the back and Jason ordered a pound of fries and they got drinks. Just talked and hung out and then left at, um...like, 1:00? They're all really funny...they definitely don't censor themselves with a lady present, but that's ok, cause I don't want to be the annoying girlfriend-tag-a-long. Dropped Sameer off, then Jason, who was so cute talking about his friends' wedding in New Orleans. Went back to B's, set the alarm for 10:00 and fell asleep.
Thursday 5/19, I got off of work and showered and got ready to go to B's, and there was this crazy accident in the tunnel so it took me forever to get to N. Seattle. B and I went to the U Dist. to go to Tower so I could pick up some cds for work and the new Q, but they're not allowed to give the discount anymore which totally sucks, only to family and spouses who have the same address...stupid. Then we went to Pagliacci so B could get some food, then we went back to his house and just talked and hung out until it was time for me to go. Then I called Kassie and she was up on Queen Anne Ave, so I drove up there and parked and she was at El Diablo or something, coffee shop, talking with her Virginia boyfriend FOREVER, so I just sat there bored out of my skull, but she bought me a lemon bar so that kind of made up for it, except that it was pretty tart. Then we had to get going cause it was getting late and Susan had called saying she was going to leave soon, so we went back to Kassie's and she got ready and we took off. Parked in the lot and met Susan there, we walked in and Kassie was already inside. We went upstairs and hung out up there a little then Kyle came up and we did introductions and we talked about Eli and how Kyle was excited when he came up to him cause he thought he was interested in him, but then he asked about me. But after the end of the night, no Eli or Craig, how disappointing, I even stayed longer than usual. We had our corner for most of the night, except these two girls on Ritalin were all over the place and whipping their hair around and it kept sticking to my lips, gross. Kassie knows my spandex boyfriend, that's hilarious, and she was cracking up at all of his kicks and jumps, especially the one where he touches his toes...funny. Susan and Kyle went outside and then Kassie and I went up above to look at people and saw shirtless gay guys making out and grinding on each other and Kassie and I just watched that for a while, and she was like, "That turns me on" it was so funny. Then Kyle and Susan spotted us and came up...then Kyle and Kassie went to smoke, and Susan was like "She better not steal him!" but she's blonde so at least he won't make out with her...they said there was some homeless guy standing outside the car while she was assembling her blunt. They came back and we went downstairs so I could do a lap to look for Craig, but I didn't see him and I danced for a couple of songs then decided to take off. Kassie came too, and the door guy was giving us a hard time for leaving so early, by looking at his watch and shaking his head, but I was like "I have to work tomorrow" so he decided that that was ok...or something. Don't know. Kassie gave me a ride to my car and I got home a little after 1:00.
Wednesday 5/18, Umm...oh yeah, Kristel was having boy problems so she asked if I wanted to have dinner and watch ANTM. So I hung out after work, and then she came over and we went to Fatburger, which was good, but a rip off I think, then watched the show, and Naima won, yeah! I liked her best, except that she was a little overdramatic...but otherwise I think she was the best one. Some boys are psychos that's all I'm going to say about that. Then Kristel left and I think I just got ready for bed and played on my computer.
Tuesday 5/17, B came over after work and I made dinner and we just hung out. We watched Sideways cause Peggy got it from Netflix so I snagged it from the office. I just love it, I think it's great. So we did that, and he took a shower and I washed some clothes and his pants so they wouldn't stink. We went to bed, and were talking about exes and such, he tries not to say too much so that my feelings won't get hurt, but I still want to know...dilemma.
Monday 5/16, I had the day off so I woke up around 9:30 or so, ate some breakfast and watched my episode of the OC. I can’t believe they’re killing off Caleb. Then I got up and got ready to go work out at Mom’s. Talked to Grandma on the phone a little bit then did the treadmill for 45 minutes and got way sweaty and went home. Showered, ate lunch, then got back into bed and read for a few hours. Then got up and got ready and went to Costco for a few things, then to the store for my grocery shopping and then back home to relax and read some more. Talked to Alishia on the phone and all is clear there, then read some more and eventually finished the book by the end of the night. Made some pasta for dinner and waited for B to call. He finally did around 7:45 or so and we talked for a long time, a lot about my book, and other stuff too. Anyway, I talked to Nic last night too cause I hadn’t talked to him forever and I felt bad, so I got that out of the way and it sounds like he’s doing well. I got through some of the magazines that Susan gave me and cleaned my room a little bit. Good for me…though it’s not done and I have some organizing I need to do. Oh yeah, I think Peter called me this weekend, weird, he asked for Cassandra or someone, but at first he was like, “hey, it’s Peter!” but my phone kept cutting out and finally he asked for her and I told him he had the wrong number and we hung up, but I bet it was him cause I know he moved and probably got a new phone number. Weeeeeiiiiiird.
Sunday 5/15, My hair tie fell out in the middle of the night so my hair was down and in the morning B told me that he woke up and just stared at me in the middle of the night because I looked so beautiful. Awwww. Ok, I know I know. So we got up around 9:00 or so and got dressed and made breakfast, I was in charge of the French Toast and didn’t do too bad if I do say so myself. Had to call Mom for the recipe. The bacon splattered right across my face in my eye, that felt great. But it was all good, and then Eliso brought out her sex catalog so we could look at products, and I’m going to have to get some cause they look fun…so, then we called Court and talked to her for a bit and said we were thinking of her because of the sex toys. Then we decided to go down to this craft fair downtown, but on the way I started getting these terrible cramps, so our first stop was to get me some water so I could take some meds. Then we were walking around and it was kind of drizzly but it was so much fun and there were so many beautiful things there, but all I bought was some natural lavender and oatmeal soap. Then we decided to get something to eat and then B and I would take off. So we went to this really cute little district and there was a cute house that I want Eliso to buy, and a beautiful jewelry store that we looked around in and then we went and got lunch. McMinimans or something, a pub brewery I think, and Eliso and I got these delicious mozzarella tomato sandwiches with pesto and onion, very good. Then we left and went back to Eliso’s house and B and I departed. It was a lot of fun and B said that Jake reminds him of one of his good friends, so that was nice, and he also said that it’s nice to get to meet my friends, cause he doesn’t get to meet many of them. Eliso loved him…so that was good. The first half of the drive back my cramps were killing me, but I fell asleep holding B’s hand, and then we pulled over for gas and I stayed awake for the rest of the trip back. We made it into Seattle by 5:15, only 15 minutes off from B’s guess. Then I went home showered, got some food and laid in bed all day watching tv and relaxing. Made some phone calls, watched my shows and went to bed.
Saturday 5/14, Ok, so we got up before 8:00 on Sat morning and got ready and left. Went to Kassie’s to get my jacket, hit a convenience store for supplies and hit the road. Pretty uneventful drive, but the cops were out. We pulled over a little north of Vancouver to use the restroom and then B drove cause he knows Portland and I don’t. So I called and talked to Jake for directions and we got a little turned around and stuck in traffic, but we saw the “Boom Boom Room” so that was pretty cool, and then we found our way to Eliso’s. It was great to see her and Jake and they’ve gotten another dog since living in Tacoma, Anu and Duke has settled way down, which was good. So we were all hungry so we decided to go into downtown and get lunch, we went to this pizza place with HUGE slices of pizza and that was really good. B couldn’t eat his second piece, then we walked across the street to Powell’s City of Books, or something like that, and just wandered around for a long time. Eliso said she would help me find my cheating book, and it was in the “Self-Help Realization” section in the Purple room so we laughed about that and went to find it. Then we went back to the Gold Room for some Sci-Fi and to find Jake. Then B found us and we went off to look for my Henry VIII book, found that and then went to the “knot tying” and “sea ships” section and B found some books, but I found the one he bought, which has a whole bunch of line drawings of ships that he is thinking could be the inspiration for his tattoo. We looked at some prints and then went and found Eliso and Jake again. We got our books and left to go get some milkshakes, which made me so full I felt like I was going to explode. We drove around and looked at the cute neighborhoods and then went back to the house. We decided to go for a walk at the park so we piled into two separate cars and drove to a huge park to walk the dogs. It was beautiful out, but a little muggy. We were walking on this trail when these kids shot out right in front of us, one was on a bike pulling the other one on a sled down a muddy hill…it was hilarious, then Duke started pulling Jake and Jake slipped on the mud and fell on his ass…oh my god, I laughed for like 10 minutes, and then Jake tried to wipe the mud on me, but he didn’t get me. We found a big dog field and let Anu run around and play fetch, and B found a tree he wanted to climb so he did that but then he was going to do a tricky trick and grabbed this branch to swing on it and almost hit Eliso and I in the head with it…that would have been bad. We then went back to the house and just hung out and talked, then Sos and I went to the store for breakfast stuff and beer and left the boys to talk…B is so great with people it amazes me. It’s like he’s known Eliso and Jake for years, he’s so comfortable talking to anyone. I am very impressed. Anyway, so Eliso and I got some girl talk in, and then when we got back we all just hung out and talked until it was time to go get some dinner, so Jake found a Vietnamese place that looked good and I treated everyone to dinner, Jake and I got the same beef soup and I think everyone enjoyed it. Then we went to Blockbuster to rent a movie, Saved, my pick, ha! And went to the store for candy, and B charged his $.67 and Eliso laughed. Went back and watched the movie, very good, and B said that it brought back all sorts of memories. Then we went to bed after it was over and I was out.
Friday 5/13, I got to leave work at 12:00 which was nice cause I was tired. I went home and got my stuff together for the night’s events (Kassie’s fashion show) and for the weekend (down to Portland to see Eliso). Then I was off to go work out at Mom’s, but halfway there I realized that I forgot my workout stuff. So Mom and I talked, mostly about B and Grandma and I said I would go visit her cause she’s staying at a rehabilitation center on MI. So I showered and ate some food and took off to see her. I stayed for about two hours and helped her clean her purse and get organized. I put lotion on her back cause it was dry and itchy and helped her get some underwear on and she was so embarrassed but that’s part of getting old right? You have to have people help you do that stuff, especially when you have a broken arm. So then it was dinner and I went and sat outside with her cause it was so stuffy inside and it was raining a little but she was shielded and then I really needed to go but didn’t want to leave her outside by herself so I called Grandpa and he came with Toto so I left to go to Kassie’s thing. Susan called me on the way and told me some interesting news from after I left Neighbours. First, Kyle got slutty with some guy in a parking lot, and second some guy named Eli asked him about me…hmmm…very curious…now I feel like I should go back to investigate. I wonder why Kyle didn’t tell him I have a boyfriend. So we’ll see how that goes. Then Kassie beeped in so I got off the phone with Susan and got directions from Kassie and parked across the street and went in. I found her upstairs and she gave me a tour…very nice…and then we went to the dessert table and the show began. It was fun, but what was more fun were the little cheesecakes that were right on hand. Then Daniel showed up and we just talked and laughed about the “Hot Barber Shave” and how he’s going to become a metrosexual and that guys should wax their “back, crack, and sack” pretty funny. We went and sat upstairs after the show and just talked while Kassie poured wine for people and we didn’t “get it” about the guy she likes…too vanilla with no edge. Then I left to go to B’s and realized after I got there that I forgot my jacket and made plans with Kassie to pick it up in the morning. B and I just laid in bed together with Mildred sending endless text messages…but finally went to sleep without going out to Sameer’s.
Thursday 5/12, Diana was having a birthday party down in Pike Place and Susan and I were going dancing afterward, so I had to get ready after work. Luckily Peggy let me go a half hour early so I had more time to lie around and get ready. Showered, prepped, ate dinner, hit the road to go to B’s. Got there and we hung out for a little bit then left. Got to the place…I can’t remember the name right now, but I know I’ll remember it at some point…the party was in the basement of this place and they were setting up speakers and music, with one of the Lashes guys playing Magical Mystery Tour and weird Spanish guitar music, but it was good background music so that was good. We hung out there until like 9 something, and then Diana asked B to go to her house and get a wire for the turntables or something and that would be her present from him, so we did that and I ran it down and then we went to his house. Oh, he had bought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers and given them to me earlier so I just think he is so sweet. So then I called Susan and she thought I had left my phone because I wasn’t picking up and I had told her we would probably be back by 9:30 but it was like um…9:45-9:50 or so. So I left and parked in the lot, then Susan showed up and some bitch almost ran into her car by throwing it in reverse and not even looking, bitch. Susan was pissed, so I showed her my flowers then we went in. We went upstairs and the dance floor was empty, not even my homeless boyfriend was there, or the guy with the long ponytail and chubby girlfriend. So we went and sat at one of the tables down below and just laughed and talked for a while. Then we went to the bathroom and saw Kyle on the way and when we came back out we went out on the dance floor. The music was ok, I liked a lot of the songs but Susan didn’t. We were having a good time, and Kyle spent quite a bit of time dancing with us so that was fun. Then we went outside to get some fresh air and there was a cute guy for Kyle but he was young and didn’t have ID to get in, but he told me I have pretty hair, so he was ok. We thought we saw Craig walking down the alley a couple of times, but it wasn’t. We went back in and told the young boy we would look for his friends, but we didn’t. We danced to a couple more songs then decided to leave and go say good bye to Kyle and when I was walking down the stairs Craig was looking right at me and was like “Hey!” and I was so startled and not expecting to see him that I was just like, “Oh, hey!” and then kept walking. He was talking to some guy all intimately so I didn’t bother talking to him. Oh, ha, earlier in the night Kyle was asking about any interesting blogs and I said no, but then he mentioned that after Susan and I had left the last time he saw Craig talking to some gay black guy, then I remembered the last blog that Craig wrote and it said “I feel the need, the need for….a chocolate shake” so I told Kyle and Susan and we were all just cracking up. So I guess we know what “chocolate milkshake” is code for. So then Kyle talked Susan into staying later but they were going to walk me to my car, so they did and I drove them back, and went home.
Wednesday 5/11, I went and returned stuff to the Rack and stayed home I believe, probably watched television.
a brilliant realization...but I can't put it here yet. I haven't worked through it all and need more time to think it over. I just wanted to at least acknowledge it so I don't forget it. So this is a reminder of my great realization.
It's kind of simple, but at the same time, complex. Hmm...this will require a discussion with Kristel, I'll have to arrange that...maybe Sunday evening...or Monday since I have it off. This is kind of good...it makes me less worried to be in a long term relationship...but I'm not entirely worry-free.
had an interesting conversation last night. It started when I said something about me possibly living in Hawaii someday and that maybe when he went to law school that maybe I would go to Hawaii and we would go our separate ways. Then he got all quiet and and was like "I've never thought about that" not being together I guess? But I don't know how you can't...I wouldn't say I'm overly negative or pessmistic, but in the back of my mind I have to be open to the possibility that this relationship won't work out or that we'll just at some point part ways. I just don't know...so I didn't think that saying something like that would get that kind of reaction. He said that if he starts thinking that way, then it's over...that if it's just going to end at some point, then what's the point of doing this right now? But he kind of took that risk when he wrote to me in the first place knowing that he was probably going to be going to law school in the fall...so I don't get it. If me just suggesting that we would part ways someday will throw him off, then...well, I don't know. I just have to keep it in the back of my mind, because, I guess it's a defense mechanism, and kind of prepares me in case something does happen and it doesn't work out...then I'm not totally devastated. I can't just think that everything is roses and kittens because it's not...that's not reality...sure everything is wonderful right now and I love being with him and think he's great, but it's the honeymoon period, I don't think it will continue forever. I don't know, is it naiive on his part to have never thought about this? Or am I just negative and shouldn't be putting energy into doubting this relationship? Maybe it's somewhere in the middle. I told him that that's just how I am...it doesn't mean I doubt the relationship because of him...I would have this thinking in any relationship...I'm young, I don't know what's going to happen in a year or a week, so is it that weird that I would anticipate this relationship going belly-up in the future? I didn't think so, but the fact that he hasn't thought of it at all, makes me doubt my rationale. Could I be over-analyzing? There is a good chance of that. I should probably have told him though, that for as much energy I put into thinking that this won't work out, the other part of me thinks that it will work out, and what if he is the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, or marry, or something. It feels a wee premature to be thinking like that, but it's still in the back of my mind...so there. It's not all negativity, but I think it's easier to doubt a relationship early on than it is to have blinders on and think that everything is just going to work out and be a fairy tale. Don't you think?
Tuesday 5/10, Went home after work where B was going to meet me cause of Uncle Chip's surprise birthday party. He beat me there and let himself in and Pat was home, curses, and he just kind of looked at me...so weird. So I got ready in a jiffy and we went to Mom's. I called AL when I got there cause she wanted to see me before she left on Wed. and to also meet B. So she got there and we chatted and she handed out birthday and Christmas presents, which was sweet, and then her, B and I just talked. Then when it was getting close to time to leave, Mom finally came home and we took off cause we were supposed to be at Daniel's Broiler by 7:00. So we raced over and went up to the Cascade III room and just schmoozed, ate appetizers, and knocked back some of the bubbly. Met Andy Wiedeman's aunt...random. So then we got the signal that Monique and Chip were coming so we all hid in a corner and yelled "SURPRISE!" when he walked in, and boy, was he surprised...it was pretty funny. Mom had said earlier in the evening that she was going to have to leave by 8:45 and it was getting late. Finally we sat down and were looking over the pre-selected menu, which I was at that point guessing that we didn't have to pay, and finally everyone else sat and we got to order. Mom and Dad had to leave right after the salad so I was going to catch a ride with Monique and Chip, and bring Mom and Dad their dinners. Then dinner came and it was very good, I got the filet, with mashed potatos and broccoli. Yum. Then for dessert there were these big trays with cheesecake, chocolate torte, creme brulee, and enormous chocolate dipped strawberries injected with Grand Mariner. B and I shared part of a cheesecake and he braved a strawberry but had liquor drizzling down his arm when he bit into it. So then it was like 10, so I asked Dane if he was going to be leaving anytime soon, and he was like "Hell yeah, I'm trying to get out of here" so he said he would drive B and I to Mom's. When he left he was like "My mom is all kinds of drunk" it was funny. Then some random guy took us on a hike to the parking lot, but if they just would have listened to B and me, we would have saved 10 minutes. Then we had the ride of our lives in Dane's car, Christ, we were going like 65 down Bellevue Way and like 85 on the freeway. B was like, it's better not to look at the road cause you don't want to be tense when you crash...but we made it so I was very thankful. Dropped off the food at Mom's and went home to bed. Slept like shit cause of the fucking moronic people down the way being loud at like 3:00 in the morning, dipshits. I just had a really bad night of sleep, so I might go home and take a nap, but I also need to take that stuff back to Nordstrom Rack...and see Grandma, but I don't know if that's going to happen tonight. I'm tired.
Monday 5/9, I don't think I did anything...just went home and laid around...I think...can't really remember. I made rice for dinner, I remember that. Pat came home late I think. Peggy told me that on Friday we're going to take a half-day and also take Monday off, yay! Very excited!
Sunday 5/8, Got up this morning and B left by about 10:30 cause we both had Mother's Day plans. I went to the store and saw Dustin, but was on the phone with Courtney talking all about the IUD so I didn't really talk with him. Went home, showered and got ready, then went to Mom's. Everything was pretty fun, and Hillary was making some funny jokes about Erika having the best birthday cause Kama would like her crotch. It was hilarious. Then Grandma and Auntie Lauryn showed up and G was soooo out of it, it was really weird and sad, but she would come in and out of it, and would start bawling and then would be fine the next minute and was just rambling on and on, so that was really hard to be around cause I've never seen her like this, and Mom was crying and everyone was kind of uncomfortable which was too bad. So I stayed over there until after everyone else left, and said bye to AL and G. Came home and my stomach hurt so bad cause I ate way way way too much, like way too much, I still feel gross now, and called Mom on the way and talked with her for a long time, then talked with Eliso and I think I'm going to go down there this weekend for a visit and B might go. Then I called B and we chatted a little and then I just watched my shows and now I'm going to go to bed. This is effing long, I hope I don't feel crampy tomorrow.
Saturday 5/7, Got up and laid in bed and talked, then got up and showered and decided to eat and leave for the Aviator at the Crest. So we drove out there and got some food at the store, including a gigantic banana, then went to the theatre and got our seats. Some crazy lady kept shushing someone and B and were laughing so hard. Good movie, but fairly long. After that we went to some park but got lost in the process but then I knew where we were and I got us out, it was a great moment, I actually knew where we were for once. So we just walked some trails and then went down to the beach and sat on a log, and saw a guy with pirate pants, and then I would find rocks and B would skip them. We just sat and talked for a while, then walked back to the car, then B saw a tree and wanted to redeem himself from his previous attempt, and he did, but got kind of dirty, and had an entertaining dismount. Then we went to Value Village but couldn't find anything so we went to Gorditos and ate some food and went back to his house where I fell asleep while he played on his computer. We just talked forever about sex and other relationship-y stuff and cuddled (I was feeling crampy) and then Harry Potter was on so we watched that and then came back to my house and went to bed, kind of late.
Friday 5/6, He took off in the morning before I did, got to work and kept trying to call Peg but I kept getting the message and it wasn't connecting. Finally did and she told me to go home. Went to my appointment and had it done. Lots of cramps that will probably continue for a while, but I hope not. My cervix cooperated apparently, but it was painful. I raced home and got into bed and called B, and then he told me that Diana was going to go to the Sloan show and wanted to know if he wanted to go too, so he told me he was and we could meet up. I rested all afternoon and watched my OC and then Amelie. Talked to Susan and planned, then ate dinner and got ready. Went to Susan's at like, 8:30, got there and then left shortly after. Took Madison down and drove around for a while trying to find parking and Susan almost ran over like 4 guys, which was hilarious and we were worried we were going to see them at the Croc, but then we parked in a lot right down the block and went in. It was crazy crowded, then B showed up and we just hung, then Diana and some other people showed up and I met her, and she gave me a hug, and was like "I'm so honored to meet you" which I didn't know how to react to, but I was like "Well I've heard a lot about you, B talks about you all the time" and she was like "Um...likewise!" it was funny. Then went and sat in the bar and we saw Chris Murphy at the food bar and Susan went to buy a shirt and the crew came and sat down. Susan watched the shitty old opening band and then when it was close to showtime we went out and I stood with Susan, it was a decent spot, but it sucked cause that's where the path was so all of these people kept pushing through and stepping on us, but what can you expect I guess? It was a crowded ass show, so you take it with a grain of salt. The show was good except for the songs that the drummer sang. We left early and I got a hold of B and told him I would call him when I was leaving Susan's house. We made our way back and then I left, got home, and B showed up like 1 minute later, literally. We got ready for bed and just went to sleep cause I was crampy, as I had been on and off all night, but felt ok overall.
Thursday 5/5, I asked Kristel if B could come to Cinco de Mayo dinner with us and she guessed before I even had a chance to say it and said sure he could come. So he got over here kind of late like around 7:20 and Kristel said that I better get there soon or else she was going to eat her house. So we got there and left to go to Azteca and there was quite a wait so we just waited outside and talked, and then Kristel went in and let the hostess have it, but that didn't do much good for the rest of the night...oh well, it was funny. So we finally got seated and it was just crazy busy so we didn't even get out of there until like 9:45 or something nuts, but we laughed, talked and had a grand time. We had an interesting conversation about the impending IUD, Kabam! B gave us a math lesson on why people shouldn't have children that was very interesting, it was just fantastic, everything. So then we left, went back to Kristel's, and then B and I went back to my house. I think we just made out for a while and went to sleep...he stayed over cause he didn't have to be to work until 8:30. I said it back.
Wednesday 5/4, I went to Mom's and worked out after work. Talked with B a little bit on the phone...I probably won't be seeing him for a little while, well until tomorrow at the earliest, that's if I see him after the Sloan show, or before if he wants to drive out to Bellevue to see me after work...don't know. Anyway, so I talked with him for a little while then I ate some food and got ready to go to Kassie's. Drove over there with minimal traffic and she started ranting about one of the families she nannies for. We hung out there for a little while then she got dressed and we left. Chels called while we were on our way and I talked with her for a little bit about the IUD and she has the one I'm going to get and gave me some warnings about it...which made me nervous, but I'm hoping it won't be too bad. Fingers crossed. Then we parked and walked in. We got kind of ok seats, at least they were in the middle, and then Kassie went and got some Junior Mints. After she finished them, she created a sort of tele/kaleidascope with the box, so we could zero in on Danny McNamara. It was hilarious. When you spun it there were all of these great colors. It didn't actually help me see any better but the colors were pretty cool. So Embrace went on and they were really good, Kassie and I screamed a lot, especially when they played "Come Back to What You Know" Kassie started frantically screaming. It was funny. I thought they were coming out with another cd, but it turns out I already have the one they were talking about...I must just have an import version, so I'm ahead of the game. After they were done we saw Missy and Erick leave. There was a fat guy in front of us reading a book and we were trying to figure out what it was, it looked like "Horoscopes for Beginners" but I don't think that's what it was. Or Heros or something, Kassie used her telescope to try and figure it out, but that didn't work. The girl across the aisle was laughing and trying to get a peak at the cover. Oh well. Kassie thinks that he saw her at one point, and mock held up her hands like a book over her shoulder. We were in hysterics. Then we thought of a great idea if we can get Mom and Alishia to lose a bet. It involves Mom with frosted 80's hair, a "Weird Science" style leotard with leg warmers writhing on the hood of Dad's Corvette while "Eye of the Tiger" blares from the stereo, all in front of Alishia's school...we're not sure how we're going to pull this off, but it would be magical if we did. Anyway, so then Snow Patrol went on and they were ok, and we stayed for most of the show but left before the end. Went back to Kassie's and I left to go home.
When I got home there were two ice cream dishes in the sink and there was an open bottle of wine out and some other stuff, so I was wondering if Pat was entertaining, but he wasn't home. So I went to bed, but heard the front door open and then his door close and open a few times. I think he had a girl over, cause then this morning I could hear his sink running, and it never does that that early in the morning, then I heard his door open and shut and the front door open, and when I left the front door was unlocked, so I'm guessing the dame snuck out. B thinks that he used one of his fruity drinks to "seal the deal" and I have to agree with him. B got mad that the door was unlocked and said that if I didn't say something to Pat that he would. It's not safe I guess, but I'm reluctant to say something unless it happens again.
So I took Sherri to lunch today and that was fun, we went to Fins, and I had a delicious sandwich and only ate half so I have the other half for another meal. I got the White Chocoloate Raspberry Cheesecake too, very good. Peggy picked up the tab on that one, thanks Peg!
Tonight I meet Kristel for dinner, and tomorrow I have my IUD appointment, and then the Sloan show with Susan at the Croc. Should be interesting...
Tuesday 5/3, This morning I did some quick grocery shopping and saw Dustin...didn't think he worked that early...but played it cool and told him I'd see him this weekend. Got to work and my new Adidas slippers came...after work I came home and B called and we talked for a while and he told me that he didn't get into Hastings, and he was bummed about that, so we'll see what happens. Then he said he was going to come over here after his Western Night, so I'm still waiting for a call to tell me he's coming over. Then Mom called and I talked with her for a while, then Susan called to tell me she was on her way to Nordstrom Rack, so I got dressed and went down there. I bought more than I should have, but I'll probably take those underwear back cause they're practically thongs, and I hate those. Oh well. So we shopped and tried stuff on, then went to OE She and that was good, then I came home, showered and now I'm laying here.
I'm really tired and it's only 9:30, how am I going to last until B gets here? He hasn't even called yet to say he's on his way. Yawn.
I can't wait to have my kitchen done...then I can kick my roommate out. He's too loud and messy. I need someone quiet and who knows how to pick up after themselves, and knows that you can't put broken glass and other stupid shit in the recycling. Duh. Toni was a way better roommate, she always took out the trash, wasn't here half the time, and was super quiet. She did burn incense and that stinks, but I would trade that anyday than have to live with this BS. I don't even want to paint while he lives here cause I'm afraid he'll just mess things up. That's why when I get my kitchen done I'm giving him the heave ho, I don't want him messing shit up and keeping it all messy like he does now. Hopefully in a couple of months I'll have enough money to do it. Time to tighten the purse strings I guess...
Monday 5/2, Today I had a doctor appointment, so I went and did that and had my annual and a bunch of tests done and talked with her about IUD...so I made a follow up appointment for Friday. Crazy. Um...went and worked out at Mom's after work and ate some food there, then came home and showered...B called and we talked about him going to school, sex, where our relationship is going, etc. so the next few months/weeks should be interesting. Very interesting. Talked to Susan for a while and we're not sure about Neighbours this week, but we'll see. I have Snow Patrol/Embrace on Wed, hanging out with Kristel on Thur, and Sloan with Susan on Friday so I don't want to burn out, but it has been a while since we've gone so we'll see. I called Chelsea tonight to talk to her about the IUD that she got, but she has to call me back.
I have to go to the store tomorrow morning...my routines are getting all out of whack...and I don't like it.
Sunday 5/1, His parents were going to come over for brunch so we were up by 9:45 and getting ready. So they came over and I met them, very nice, Colleen and Jim. We went to Sunflour, and I had the most incredible French Toast with carmalized peaches, marion berries and whip cream...mmm. B got the same thing. Then we went back to his house and his parents left (it was their anniversary). We laid around for a bit then headed back to my house. We stopped at Mom's cause I had forgotten my coat there the other night, then went to my house. Laid around for a bit then B left to go play pickleball with his homies. Brad had called earlier and given me Mike McCarthy's phone number cause he was leaving and said that the guys were heading down to Pike Place and that if I wanted to meet up with them that I should call Mike. So around 2, I did, and no answer, and then I tried a little later cause Kristel was getting off at 2:30. I called again a few minutes later and left a message, but boys are dumb and they never called me back...oh well. So Kristel and I made plans to get together later this week. Then I laid around some more, took a shower and fell asleep, Kristel called again and we talked, then I did some cleaning, just a little bit, and um...I don't know...called Dad...talked to Susan...watched my shows and then Lish called but I had to call her back, talked to her forever and then went to bed.
Saturday 4/30, Well it didn't go exactly as I had planned, but it was a good day nonetheless. So B and I got up and ate some food then got ready. We decided to go on a walk and tried the "Sunset Park" right down the street since I always pass it but have never explored. So we walk through and then up some paved switchbacks and ended up right next to the freeway. B tried to climb this tree but ended up pulling some muscles and breaking a branch off and I laughed FOREVER! It was so hilarious, he was trying to impress me, and then after it happened he wanted to redeem himself and prove that he could climb...it's still making me laugh. We went home and drove to the store and got some food, still waiting for Dad to call...but no word so we drove up the Snoqualmie Falls and walked around and went down to the water and just held hands and walked around and talked...it was so nice. The walk back up, however, was not so much. It wasn't too bad...it was just muggy and steep, but we did it and headed home to watch Garden State, then Dad called and he was close, and he finally showed up around 6:30 or so. We decided to go to the Keg and dinner was nice. Dad kept the conversation going...B later told me that he thought Dad was grilling him...but really, he's just genuinely interested in who he is. So then we went back and Dad dropped us off...a very short visit, but it was good to see him even a little bit. I packed a bag cause we decided to spend the night at his house. It was Rick's b-day so we went down to the Campus Inn and met Jason, Luke, and Kelly (?), and Rick and Jenny, Jen showed up later. I talked with "Kelly" for a long time and we kept the table while the others played pool and darts...I thought she was kind of annoying at first but we ended up talking about the Midwest and Babe the Blue Ox, so it was pretty funny. B and I left before anyone else, I'm guessing like 12:30 or so and went to bed.
