Wednesday 11/29, Eric called me on my way home from work and we talked for a while but I’m not sure where things stand because he’s not really making any plans with me, but seems to be making them with his friends, so I’m back to assuming he doesn’t really want to “hang out” anymore. Who the hell knows. I’m not a clairvoyant. Actions speak louder than words, and well, there hasn’t been a whole lot of action lately, if you know what I mean. I was sleepy after work so I curled up on my bed with a comforter and watched tv / slept. I ate way too much for dinner and Susan and I sat on the couch watching tv and weren’t surprised when Amanda got kicked off ANTM. I showered, climbed into bed and read Glamour. I had the most horrible vivid dream, with all the molars on the bottom right side of my mouth turning black and falling out one by one, then some on the other side and I couldn’t go to the dentist because it was Sunday and when I called the ER they said they couldn’t see me until midnight so I was freaking out and crying and driving around with my Mom with all my teeth in my hand praying that no more would fall out. It was terrible.
Tuesday 11/28, When I woke up I could hear cars trying to get up the hill without luck, so I called Peggy and told her that I wouldn’t be coming in right away. So I laid in bed for a while and finally told myself that I at least needed to try to get out of the driveway (PS I was parked down the hill because all of Kassie’s stuff is in my garage) so I got dressed and headed out. I took a dust pan with me to scrape ice and snow and put on the snow boots B gave me last Christmas and headed down the hill. I slipped a few times and it was a miracle I didn’t end up on my ass. I made it down and began scraping and let my car warm up then backed up and headed up the hill without any problems. Out of the driveway was a different story, there were about 30 cars abandoned on the road on the way to the freeway, and I instantly thought what a bad idea it was that I was venturing into work, but figured at least the freeway would be ok. Nope, people were going 30 mph tops, not because of traffic, but because of all the ice. I passed probably another 30 cars before I hit my exit and slowly made my way to the post office. I asked Peggy if it was ok for me to leave at 4:00 because I didn’t want to drive home in the dark and she said it was fine. I called Susan on my way home and asked her about the state of the driveway and she said it still wasn’t plowed or melted but there were some spots up top, one of which I snatched. I got on a bill-organizing-binge and sorted through all my piled paperwork, set about because my credit card company decided to change my account number so I had to contact all the vendors who automatically deduct my bills every month. This did not put me in a good mood, but at least I got a lot of shit done and listened to Ratatat while doing it. I showered and went to bed.
Monday 11/27, It was snowing at work but it wasn’t sticking then when I got home Susan and I watched cars slide down the driveway for most of the evening with the lights off and the heat cranked up. The snow was really coming down and sticking, which surprised me, and I think everyone else because no one knew what to do. There were cars all over the place and one good boyfriend was sanding and clearing all the snow to park his girlfriend’s car. We eventually went upstairs and I watched SatC until going to bed.
Sunday 11/26, I woke up at 8:00 planning my morning to hang out with Eric but I didn’t go on my walk (shame on me!). I ate some breakfast, talked to Susan on the phone, then got up, showered, dressed and got ready for the day. I hadn’t heard from Eric by 9:50 so I went to Bed Bath and Beyond and picked up a ton of new hangers then headed back home and settled into the couch with a big blanket to watch Secretary. Susan came home in the middle of it so we watched it and talked about boys when it was over. I was disappointed that Eric hadn’t called and it was almost 1:00 and I felt dissed, ONCE AGAIN, but, what do you do? I was having a raging internal debate over the whole thing. I went up to my room to watch SatC and about 5 minutes into it my phone rang, and it was Eric, who had just woken up because he slept through two different alarms and quickly asked why I hadn’t called him. I told him because I just don’t know with him and don’t want to be bothering him if he doesn’t want to talk to me. I think he got it, and we quickly moved onto other topics, like me wearing a tight shirt because I thought I was going to see him, and he said I don’t even need to wear a tight shirt, it could be a baggy t-shirt and I’d still be hot. This won some points back. We talked for a while and he apologized repeatedly and said he’d call me later that night. I went back to watching my story and about 5 minutes went by and my phone rang again and it was Eric. He told me he called into work and he was going to hang out with me, and I told him he couldn’t do that and he said he could do whatever he wanted. Then he told me he got me, the tricky thing, but he was calling back to talk to me on his way in to work. It was really nice and we talked about what I did on my vacation and how he spent his Thanksgiving and days off and it was really nice. Finally at 2:00 we got off the phone and I went back to watching about 6 episodes of SatC. Kassie showed up and we unloaded her car into the garage and then chatted inside for a few minutes then she took off and I was starving since I didn’t really eat any lunch so I made some dinner. Susan came down and joined me and we ate in front of the tv and she packed boxes in between commercials. We sat down there for hours watching tv and talking and afterward we went up to our rooms, then I read and went to sleep.
Saturday 11/25, I got up right away and went for my walk, but couldn’t do three laps because I was too hungry for Mom’s muffins waiting for me at home. After breakfast Dad put on the home videos and we all laughed at those for a good hour and a half, then I went out and got dressed. Dad made Aubrie, Nicole and I burgers and homemade fries for lunch then we took a field trip down to Spin where I picked up a Beulah cd. At home we prepped for decorating the Christmas tree and that was a big production with pictures and laughing then Kassie and I packed our stuff up in preparation for our flight out. Skylar left, then Grandma and Papa and we headed down to the airport. We were super early like 3 hours so Dad got mad at Mom but we said it was fine, and when we checked in he said we could go standby on the flight leaving in the next half hour so we rushed up there and they called our names minutes later so I called Dad and Mom to give them the good news and Dad had to apologize to Mom and at first didn’t believe me. We boarded and sat on the ground for a long time and finally took off. The flight felt like an eternity but since we were getting in earlier it was ok. When we landed I had a message on my phone from Eric so that got me all excited and I called him back though he didn’t answer so I left a message, we got our bags and went out to wait for Jason. I wondered out loud what was taking him so long and asked Kassie if she thought maybe he was masturbating, she said she didn’t know but would ask him when he got there. Apparently he wasn’t. Eric called and said he was too tired to come over (boo!) but asked if we could hang out in the morning so I said fine, whatever, and Jason asked me why I let him off so easy and that I should have talked dirty to him and told him I wasn’t feeling good and needed a shot of penis-cillin. Oh well. They dropped me off and I went home to a freezing ass house, climbed into bed since it was after 11:00 and fell asleep after one episode of SatC.
Friday 11/24, I didn’t go on my walk since I woke up so late, due to going to bed v. late. Kassie and I went in to wake up Aubrie and I told on Kassie and she got mad. Dad made pancakes and they were so good, but Aubrie’s were so undercooked that they were oozing more than usual with batter in the middle. Kassie and Skylar took off so Aubrie and I took the Saturn down to Lou’s where we sifted through used cds for an hour. I got the newer Strokes, Richard Ashcroft and Billy Corgan. We headed back and sat outside in the sunshine with Rosco (Skylar’s dog) aka Rockstar then Kassie and Skylar got home and we hung out by the pool while the turkey pot pie cooled. Skylar went to sit down in Dad’s seat, but I warned him so he sat in Alishia’s seat instead. When we were done Kassie, Skylar and I headed out to Goodwill while Aubrie hung out with Jonny. First up was the Goodwill in Oceanside where I scored with a flannel plaid shirt and teal denim shorts along with a sparkly leopard print belt. Skylar got some great pants and tuxedo shirt, along with some golf clubs. Because our total was over $20 we got to go back and pick out anything we wanted for $5 but we didn’t really want anything, so we gave it to the lady behind us in line, and it made her day. We hit Office Depot since it was right next door and I found my bulletin board so I bought it and we headed down the PCH to the VFW where we found Skylar a hat, some shoes and a cummerbund. Some guys were talking about all of the beautiful women in there and then one of them said to Kassie “Twins right?” and she goes “You wish” and the other guy got mad “Oh, real nice!” so we found Skylar and got the hell out of there. We stopped by Café Elyse for cinnamon crisps then headed home to get ready for Santa pictures. We got dressed and headed down there, got rock star then rolled into Santa’s house to have our photos taken. They turned out good. Kassie, Aubs and I wanted to hit Barneys and everyone else wanted to go home so we stayed and shopped it up. I got some cute Liquid shorts and a new dress, size small, yay! They were both seriously marked down so I got a great deal. We left but had to stop at the store for some milk and eggs and Skylar bought Mom some flowers (instead of the extra dozen eggs as I had suggested) but we were trying to hurry him because Kassie forgot her Santa pictures at Barneys and Skylar was talking to everyone in line taking him sweet time, but finally got out there, we sped home, Kassie dropped Aubs and I and went back down. I showed Mom and Dad my scores then went out to the motor home and started getting ready for the murder mystery party and ended up in Aubrie’s bathroom putting copious amounts of cheap hair gel and hair spray through my hair. Then I made the mistake of letting Kassie pencil in my eyebrows and I ended up looking like Teen Wolf, yikes. Court and Pat showed up and Court got ready in the bathroom with me then we all went downstairs for pictures. We all got into character and sat down for dinner. It was pretty funny and there are some terrible pictures of all of us and the food was pretty good. I’m glad I wasn’t the murderer and afterward everyone took off Court, Pat and I sat and talked in the family room until about 11:00. I walked them out then got ready for bed and crashed.
Thursday 11/23, Got up and went into Aubrie’s room to wake her up for our birthday walk. We went to the park and she got mad when the Latino gentlemen would yell at her from their soccer games. When we got back we showered and Dad made French toast and Aubrie and I both ate like 4 or 5 pieces, yum! Mom and Grandma got a ton of snacks out and when Alishia got there she’d forgotten the wine so we drove back to her house with a pit stop at the store for a hilarious Abraham Lincoln birthday card for Aubrie. Alishia showed me her place and it’s much nicer than the last one then we headed back. I snacked when we got back, and the best was the mango salsa. A little later all the girls went for a walk with the dog through the neighborhood. I saw some teenage boys riding bikes so I told Kassie to hide behind a motor home and jump out and scare them, and she did, except they weren’t scared at all and one of them said, very flatly, “Happy Thanksgiving” and rode off. Aubrie was mortified so she hid behind the motor home until they were gone. When we got back we wanted to watch 16 Candles for Aubrie’s birthday and since the VCR in the granny flat was broken we watched it in Mom and Dad’s room and I kind of fell asleep for a few minutes and when I got up my hair looked fantastic after looking like shit all day. Then Aubrie went to eject the movie and it wouldn’t come out, so now that VCR is broken too. Kassie and I went out to the motor home to get dressed up for Thanksgiving and everyone loved my sweater. Dinner was taking longer than expected (as usual) so Dad popped in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and luckily dinner was ready after it was over. Skylar came over and we all sat down for a lovely meal with two enormous turkeys that we didn’t eat half of each one, so there were lots of leftovers. Then we had birthday cake and Aubrie opened the rest of the gifts that she hadn’t already opened earlier. Mom had mentioned that the outlets opened up at 1:00 for some fantastic sales so we planned to stay up and go shopping but Kassie was feeling so sick that her and Skylar went to bed. Aubrie and I hung out in her room waiting for 1:00 to roll around and I fell asleep so Aubrie woke me up by spanking me lightly. We loaded into the car and drove down not really knowing whether or not they were actually going to be open, but we get down there and it’s packed, we had to drive around looking for a parking spot, at 1:00 in the fucking morning! We got one and headed right over to the Vans store where I picked up some baby Vans for Harper and a new pair of green and black checkered ones for me then we waited in line for a half hour with the most irritating couples ever in front of us, so we made fun of them for a while. Then over to Sun Diego where I picked up a video for Eric and Aubs got some new Volcom jeans since everything was 20% off in the store. We walked over to Barneys but they weren’t open so we walked down to Juicy so Aubrie could walk through though she didn’t get anything. We headed home and I went to the motor home so I could go to bed. Skylar and Kassie were up so I talked with them about all the ex-bfs and Eric and he’s really funny and so interested in what I have to say so that was fun. Around 3:00 I headed back to go to bed but was kept up for at least 45 minutes by the gentle sway of the motor home, if you know what I mean.
Wednesday 11/22, I went in and woke Aubrie up to go on the walk she promised me, but she was tired and promised she would the next day. So I set off by myself to the park and did a couple of laps then headed home and ate some cereal. I went and woke Kassie up and we all got ready and headed out for all our errands of the day. First up we hit Café Elyse for cinnamon crisps and pain au chocolate which I only had little nibbles of. Then we went over to the new Nordstrom Rack and it kind of sucked but the shoes are all in boxes up there and no shoe window, crazy! We walked over to Loehmans and all got some stuff, for Santa pictures and also for personal wardrobes. Kassie wanted to go to Office Depot but we couldn’t find it so we went toward Best Buy instead and found Staples, though they didn’t have my bulletin board or Kassie’s labels. We walked over to Best Buy and I got Ratatat’s Classics, the new Beck and the Sufjan Stevens Christmas box set. We listened to it in the car and Kassie yelled out to some kids “We’ve got Christmas carols up in this bitch!” and they laughed and drove off. We drove to the Wokery to meet up with the fam for a late lunch. We got a whole bunch of food and picked off each other’s plates until we were all stuffed. It was nice to visit with Grandma and Papa and we hadn’t seen Mom yet so we all just gabbed for a few hours. We headed home and Skylar showed up so Kassie and him went off in the Corvette and Aubrie and I drove down to Blockbuster to rent a movie, and she was trying to convince me to get John Tucker Must Die, and I said no way, and we settled on Da Vinci Code. We all talked in the kitchen for a long time and Dad made popcorn then Skylar left and we watched the movie but Dad, Kassie and me are the only ones who made it all the way through. We talked about it a little after it was over then Kassie and I went out to the motor home, chatted some more and went to bed.
Tuesday 11/21, I took Susan to the dealership and ended up getting to work a half hour early which worked out perfectly so I could leave early to go to the airport. I stopped at home before heading to MI to pick up some slippers and check the mail, but no murder mystery invitation! Kassie was waiting for me when I got there which was a total shock and delighted me to no end. We drove to West Seattle to pick up Jason who was going to drive us, and went in to watch the end of his car show with him then his hot cousin Nathan (? I think) showed up and asked if he could go along too, and Kassie said the more the merrier, so we piled in and headed down the street to meet up with Jeff for a minute. I yelled to him out my window that the Decemberists show was on Friday and we missed it and he goes “I know, I’m such a stoner!” Kassie got back in and we headed to the airport talking about health insurance, oral sex, and when it’s ok or not ok to call a guy. Those boys are very helpful, especially when they insist on unloading the car for you, even though you are more than capable. We checked right in which was easy then got through security, headed to our gate with a pit stop to pick up magazines and broke out the Whole Foods goodies Kassie picked up. She got us delicious sandwiches, fresh raspberries, blueberries and strawberries (which she hand fed me with one blueberry stuck in the top of each raspberry) and molasses cookies. What a good sister! We boarded, listened to music and played the boy game (Eric came out as the best in bed in all 3 games I played…hmm) and read magazines. We landed and Dad was there to meet us and all three of us went to baggage claim, got the bags and headed home. We bitched for most of it and when we got home we went up to see Aubrie in her room. We talked with Dad in the guest bedroom for a while then he went to bed and we moved to Aubs’ room and chatted in there for a while until about 1:00 and headed out to bed.
Monday 11/20, I worked late because I had my appraisal in the middle of the day and the guy was pretty cute and like 6’4” and very nice. I’m hoping my light flirting helps the value of my house, but we’ll see. So I had to work late and by the time I was getting out of the office I had 4 missed calls: 3 from Susan and 1 from Eric. Susan was having car issues in her messages and Eric wanted to see a show later in the week in his. I called Susan first and told her I would come pick her up because I wanted to go to the T-Mobile store and take back my stupid phone, but when I got home and called the store they said you have to mail it back, damn! Then I called Eric and talked with him briefly and told him I was going to San Diego for Thanksgiving and wouldn’t be around to see a show, but if he wanted to come over later he could and to call me. I took off to get Susan and we chatted all the way home and then at home while I made Top Ramen and she made gnocchi. We semi-watched WoF then House Hunters with the annoying fat lady and gay husband who’s super into his dogs and new pond. Susan kept exclaiming “I can’t believe it took me 30 minutes to determine that this guy is a total fag!”. Then we watched a bit of the celebrity breakups special on VH1 but soon retired to our rooms. I had to pack and shower and call T-Mobile about mailing my damn phone back which was a total hassle but hopefully will go ok. I eventually crawled into bed after I’d packed and began to read when at 11 my phone rang and it was Eric, yay! We talked forever (45 minutes) and it was one of the best conversations / dialogues we’ve had. We talked about so many different things and we both were laughing hysterically, especially when he said 11 turkey. He kind of threatened me by telling me that he used to live with this guy who hacked into porn websites and that he could find my blog if he really wanted to, even though he said he’s found it before, and I asked if was going to put photoshopped pictures of me on my blog but with porno bits. He said no. Then he said that it never works out with sisters, though he doesn’t know from experience. Um…lots of other funny stuff like him asking me if my Mom dishes up my plate for me at Thanksgiving dinner or if I was high. Both of those are a no. He also kept saying he was thinking about that blow job. Ha, anyway, I’m going to call him on Saturday and try not to get too “anxious” about it (apparently there’s a purple pill I can take for that) and I said good night and went to bed.
Sunday 11/19, I woke up pretty early and wanted to get a jump on the day, but I couldn’t go for my walk because it was pouring. I got up anyway and started major cleaning, vacuuming, bathrooms, garage junk and other organizing. A little after 11 I called the sales office in Kay-See’s building to see if they were open and they were so I went down there and made sure everything was ok then headed back home but stopped at Office Depot in Bellevue to see about bulletin boards, but they didn’t have mine, so I went home, and it wasn’t even noon by that point. I kept going on the garage, organizing stuff and going through garbage and consolidating boxes which felt really good but I’m still wondering where I’m going to put all Kassie’s stuff. Kassie was supposed to be there at 2, then 3, and finally she got there at 4 and we busted ass with organizing and planning out how everything’s going to work. I think it’ll work out fine. We chatted and I showed her the couch then we went upstairs so I could show her all my new clothes that I got while in San Diego and she was proud of me for buying dresses and I even told her how sassy I looked in the one when Kay-See and I went to go see Eric. It was about 5:30 and she took off to go to Mom’s and I followed not too long after, but I had to load up my car first and when I was my trunk fell on my head and finger (which got caught between the trunk and my head) so that hurt, but at least it didn’t knock me out. I drove over and Mom, Dad and Kassie all got into it about her clutch so I left the room because I’m not a fan of the raised voices and finally it was over and dinner was ready. Mom made a delicious beef stew with carrots and some baked mashed potatoes and green beans. It was all very good and I had like 3 helpings. Then Jake gave me a Snickers even though I’d been avoiding sugar all weekend so that was a yummy little treat. We all sat on the couch watching AFV and talking until Kassie and I left around 7:30. I watched the rest of it when I got home, then the usual shows, but I took a shower during Home Makeover so I missed part of it. Susan and I watched DH in my bed and yelled at the tv, then I read and went to bed.
Saturday 11/18, I woke up and wanted to go for a walk so I ate some breakfast then set out since it was sunny and not raining. When I got back I showered then headed down the lake for an hour. I cleaned and picked up in anticipation of the appraisal on Monday and also hung a bunch of pictures and my collage that’s been sitting in the dining room for 2 months. Mom came over in the afternoon and we talked for a long time and I told her about Eric and she’s very apprehensive and while I appreciate her opinion and totally respect her position, I’m not going to follow her advice. I talked to Dad and Mom in San Diego as well and they pretty much have the same position, so we’ll see how things end up. After Mom left I think I continued cleaning and stuff until later in the evening. I made dinner for Susan and I and introduced her to BBQ sauce, tangy! We sat on the counter and talked while cooking and eating and it was a fun girly time. I decided to go to Office Depot to see if they have my bulletin board in, but they didn’t, though I did talk to Courtney on the phone on my way out so I filled her in on everything that happened. I went to BB&B and picked up some more hangers then over to Target for some shirts, shoe storage boxes and something else I can’t remember. I went home after that and knew I’d have the house to myself for the evening because Susan was at L’s. I lit a whole bunch of candles downstairs even though I wasn’t hanging out down there and a whole bunch in my room and it felt very romantic. All for me. I was still running around cleaning and putting shit away so it felt productive as well as romantic. I called Eric a little after 10 to see if he wanted to come over but he didn’t call me back for about an hour and said he was going to just stay at home because he wasn’t feeling well so I told him if he ever wanted to talk about anything that I’m there. I watched some SatC and fell asleep.
Friday 11/17, I called Eric back on my lunch break because I was mucho curious about what he called me about at 1:46 in the morning, but he didn't answer so I left a message. On my way home from work Kyle called and asked if I wanted to get a drink or something, I said sure, but needed to stop at home first, shower and change. So he said he'd meet me in Bellevue and we'd figure it out. After a lot of hassle with parking and long waits we decided to be ghetto and hit Red Robin and were seated by the annoying-probably-from-Mercer-Island-guy. We joked that the food was so greasy that I would be lactaiting grease later, which is such a disgusting visual, I know. I got to see all the pictures of P on his phone and he is very hot and we talked about many other things. Richie had asked if we were going to Hot Mess, and Ky really wanted to, and though I felt I could be persuaded by two hot boys, I really didn't feel up to it. Our waitress and her friend were really freaking us out so we decided to leave and walked back through the mall and hit Tiffany's to look at wedding bands. I told Ky that people are probably thinking "Oh that poor girl doesn't even know her husband's gay" and that if they whispered to me "Your finacee's gay" I'd say in a super low man voice (not much of a stretch really) "I know". We laughed at that one all the way to Nordstrom where Ky tried on many pairs of Vans and finally decided on the green and red plaid, and I have I ever mentioned that Kyle has HUGE feet? Well, they're size 13, so I commented to Ky, in front of the shoe guy, that I really should know that kind of thing, being his fiancee and all. On our way out we decided to just go back to my house and watch a movie or something because we were both sluggish from greasy food and feeling tired. On the way home though Kyle was feeling tired so I took him home instead, which worked out well because I was tired too and crawled into bed as soon as I got home. Eric called me around 8:45 and we talked for a little while and he wanted to apologize for kissing me, but I told him it was ok and that I liked it so not to worry. I talked to Susan from the comfort and warmth of my bed before she left to go to Hot Mess. I put SatC on and didn't even make it through one episode before passing out.
Thursday 11/16, What. A. Night. Ok, first things first. After work I laid around, made dinner, showered and got ready to go out. I called Dad and he was giving me all this advice about Eric and asked me what I would do if I hadn’t heard from Kay-See for 2 weeks, seeing as how she doesn’t randomly disappear, to which I replied that I would hunt her ass down, call her parents, etc. He asked if I knew for sure he was ok, I said no, then he asked if any of his friends would know, and I thought about calling Michael, and so with my Dad’s suggestion I planned to call Michael later on in the evening. Then I called Lish and talked with her for awhile about her new job, boys etc. I talked to Kassie to see what she was up to and she invited me over to watch her pack so I took off and on the way called Michael. He didn’t answer but I left a message asking him to call me back and let me know if Eric’s ok, but I figured he was probably hanging out with Eric and he had told him not to answer. But I realized quickly that I was wrong when Michael called me back 5 minutes later and filled me in on some stuff so then I didn’t feel so bad (for myself), but I was worried a little. He said that Jason had called him because they were all up on the Hill and that he should meet up with them because they were probably all going to Neighbours that night. That’s when I started getting nervous, but I continued talking to Michael all the way to Kassie’s and was hoping he’d be out so I could see him. Kate and Jeff were hanging at Kassie's and we dug through her give away box and Kate tried on some hilarious stuff but decided no on the yedi coat. She left then Jeff and I chatted while Kassie bustled about and we talked about the Decemberists and how they’re playing here next month and he invited me to go with him and that he’ll hook it up if they’re playing at the Showbox. Yay! Since K won’t be here I need someone to accompany me to shows, or at least this one. He soon took off (sans marble shelf) then it was my turn and I headed up to CH and half-parked in the bus stop but didn’t get a ticket. Susan met me at my car and I filled her in and prepped her for what might go down. I got many grope-y hugs from the bouncer and chatted with Travers for a second before going in. We went upstairs and I saw Jason and Stacy right away and assumed Eric was with them but didn’t want to look over because I felt a little weird so we went downstairs instead to go say hi to Tye who was wearing velvet pants and told me I smelled like lavender. We hit the dance floor and I saw Stacy point at me so they knew I was there and I think I saw Michael upstairs and what appeared to be Eric but the lights are so funky I couldn’t tell and didn't want to stare. Finally Michael comes over and I get a big hug and he tells me that Eric is being shy, which doesn’t surprise me and I spot him across the dance floor and I just melt because he’s so fucking cute, wearing this green polo shirt and his hair seems so long after just two weeks but I try to wrangle myself in and remember how I’ve felt over the past two weeks (per Susan’s wise words). We make eye contact and he looks ashamed but I gave him a little smile and kept on dancing. Kyle was there so we got some pictures with him and were dancing our little hearts out but I needed some water so I got some and stood on the edge of the dance floor drinking and it and just looking around, but I feel this presence behind me and I turn around and it’s him. We just looked at each other for a few minutes not saying anything then we finally start talking and I’ll leave the details off here because that’s his story and I don’t need to be blabbing it on the internet (this will not, however, prevent me from filling in my close friends). After our talk and some hugging he pushed me out to the dance floor where I joined Susan and Teal and we danced for a long time and Eric kind of came over then would leave again. Then I spanked Kyle really fucking hard and when I wasn’t looking he slapped me so hard on my ass and back it stung for 5 minutes. Ouch! It was like he was wearing brass knuckles on his palm or something. Eric kept coming over and dancing and leaving and for a long time stayed away but I lured him back over with some come hither looks. I think I’m pretty good at those. I spotted Craig and gave a wave and his hair is sooo long. I took lots of pictures especially when Footloose came on and also got some with hot boys trying to make out with Susan. Finally Eric came over and was dancing with me forever and was behind me, then I feel a set of hands around my waist from behind but they’re not Eric’s and I can’t see who it is but I assume they belong to Jason so I took a picture of my waist with all these sets of hands, it’s funny. I’ll post them to flickr soon. At one point Jason dipped Stacy and when he brought her back up she swung her arm and nailed Eric and it was so funny I almost died, especially since she didn’t mean to. Um, it was after my bed time so I sought Eric out and said good bye and we were talking but he kept brushing his lips against my cheek and I told him I wasn’t going to kiss him and he acted mock-offended but said good. He offered to walk me out so I accepted and said bye to Travers then headed out the alley. We stood next to my car for a long time and we were hugging but then he held onto me and we were talking and it felt so good. He started rubbing my arms because I was cold then kept getting really close and I kept telling him no, not until he figures some shit out because I don’t want him to have negative associations with me, but he reassured me. Finally though he just grabbed me and kissed me, and it was so hot, and wonderful so we made out on Pine outside the Egyptian with people yelling and cars honking and he mentioned it was like the first time we made out, and it made me happy that he remembers that. He even has this little sigh when he kisses me and it kills me. Anyway, finally he puts me in my car but then scoots in himself so I’m hoisted up on the console then starts kissing me again, but Jason and Stacy come out of the alley so he says he’s gotta go but he’ll call me. I started home and noticed Michael had called me and left a message saying that J and S were leavimg so if I was with Eric could I tell him, but he had already gone with them so I called Michael back and let him know. Went home and apparently missed a call from Eric and crashed.
Wednesday 11/15, The power went out at work so Peggy told me (from Hawaii) to go home so I hurried home and got the paint out. I touched up the wall where the new bar is since it was all white and red in a few spots and it’s amazing how much better it looks now. I moved some more stuff around and picked up the kitchen in preparation for Chrystol and Schuyler coming over for dinner and ANTM. I went up and showered, dressed, but didn’t do any makeup because I was feeling lazy, then I managed to hoist my enormous map up onto the couch in my room so that it’s out of the way and it feels so much bigger in there now. That damn thing has been on my floor for waaay too long. Like since B and I were still together. Yikes. Then I uploaded pictures to flickr from last Thursday (Neighbours with the boys, Susan & Kay-See) and Saturday (Cowgirls Inc. & Broadway Grill). Susan and I ended up downstairs talking (her on the couch in the dining room) and me scurrying about nailing plates to the wall and cleaning my paintbrush. Then there was a knock on the door and C and S were there, so we all went upstairs and I showed them the new couch and we all just sat there for a while talking “P-P-P-Pizza Baron” then started on dinner. Schuyler was in charge of broccoli and slicing tomatoes, Chrystol rolled out the dough and assembled the pizza and I shredded the cheese and got stuff out for the process. Soon Top Model was starting so we all ran to the living room and watched the first segment on dished up on the commercial. Everything was so good especially while watching Jaeda get kicked off. After it was over I got the pan of rice krispie treats and we ate over half the pan then I sent the remaining ¾ home with them. I filled Schuyler in on Kassie’s recent events and my own involving Eric and he didn’t have much to say but Chrystol called him a “douche bag”. It’s always fun having them over and next time we’re going to have a slumber party, especially since my new couch is so big (Chrystol even suggested I could date two basketball players and have my first threesome on it). Around 10 they took off and I tried to send the sausage and cheese catalog home with them but they wouldn’t take it. I got ready for bed and read a little.
Tuesday 11/14, Since I’ve got an appraiser coming to the house at some point in the next 3-5 days I started clearing shit out of the kitchen, living and dining rooms. I swept and washed the rugs, then vacuumed and moved furniture around. I ate Susan’s lasagna for dinner on the new couches and watched Seinfeld then went up to my room to clean up there as well. I made rice krispie treats for Chrystol and Schuyler’s impending visit the next day and got marshmallow and rice krispies all over my hands and in my hair, but they look delicious. I talked to Courtney for over an hour, which was really nice because I haven’t talked to her forever it feels like. I told her all about Eric and the bridesmaid dress and we talked about the wedding and her being a crazy cat lady and Eliso coming down for the wedding. It was good. Hm, I don’t really remember the rest of what I did, but it probably included thinking about Eric and willing my phone to ring so I don’t think he’s a complete asshole. It didn’t work.
Monday 11/13, Kay-See called me after work to see if I wanted to come over for pizza and juicy gossip, so of course I said YES! Parking was no problem and I went up but when I knocked Kay-See kept just saying “Come in” but it was locked and I kept yelling back “I can’t!” and would knock again only to have her yell “Come in!”. I was getting very frustrated but she finally came and unlocked it and let me in and I was very excited to find Kyle there as well. So we talked and Kay-See worked on the pizzas and salad while we listened to Scissor Sisters and Nikka Costa. And let me just say that Kay-See’s gossip was very juicy, but that’s all I’ll say. Kyle dialed Richie’s number and put me on and I begged him to come over for a visit and he said he had to get dressed and would be over shortly. After we ate all of the food (and I mean ALL of it) we went up to the roof to show Ky the amazing view and how cute it is. On the way back down we decided to go sneak into the model and look at how wonderfully it’s decorated and while we were in the window looking down on the street we see Richie walking up and calling Kyle so I’m yelling “Look up! Look up!” and Richie just laughed at me, but he saw us and Kay-See buzzed him up. The three of us waited outside the elevator for him and we all got hugs when he arrived then Kay-See gave him the grand tour of her place and got out some M&Ms. We all sat down in the living room and talked FOREVER about all sorts of things, but the funnest is Richie and Ky want to do winter or spring camping and made us promise we’d go, so I’m in, camping with the hot gay boys is so fun I can’t even put it into words. Maybe I’ll choose dare this time so I can make out with them. Hmm…Anyway so we talked until about 10:20 and since Kyle was falling asleep on the couch Richie and I packed up and Richie walked me to my car which was very nice and we laughed all the way up the street to my car then I got a nice hug and took off for home.
Sunday 11/12, I woke up, got dressed and headed to Costco for gas then did my grocery shopping and back home to relax. I wanted to watch a movie and Cold Mountain has been on my list forever so I asked Susan if she wanted to watch since she’s never seen it and I prepared myself to start crying. I only got teary at the usual places and Susan chastised me afterward for not crying more…if I would have been by myself I would have. I always do. I decided to go for a walk since it wasn’t raining much and to help clear my head. As I was making my way back home I started crying…luckily the road isn’t too busy on Sundays and I just kept my head down and blubbered down the road, in the rain, listening to Scissor Sisters, pretty much all the way home. I felt like shit by the time I got back so I closed my door, put on Smashing Pumpkins’ “Adore,” laid down on my bed and continued to cry. Kassie called and started freaking out a little trying to figure out what was wrong with me and we talked about it a little then made plans to meet up at Mom’s for Dad’s birthday dinner and she told me I was done crying over Eric so I got up to get in the shower because I had about an hour, then I started crying again in the shower but managed to pull it together by the time I got out. When I got out of the shower I had two missed calls, one from Mom who I’m sure had heard from Kassie and one from Jason. I called Jason back and told him about everything going on and he was all “Dude, I think you’re really pretty and cool, I don’t know what’s wrong with these guys. Is there something weird about you that you’re not telling me about?” and I told him I didn’t think so, and that I hoped not. Hmm, what if there is something wrong with me and no one ever tells me? That’s a terrible thought…moving on. I told him I would call him later after the dinner, I finished getting ready and headed to Mom’s with a detour for ice cream. Kassie got there with Skylar who is very cute and so nice, but totally not what I expected. Us kids drove separately to Sea Star for dinner and I felt bad because I know Kassie was excited for me to interact with him and get to know him but I felt so incredibly shitty I couldn’t even fake it, so I pretty much just sat there during dinner staring at nothing. When we got back to the house I called Jason and left a message that I didn’t feel like driving in that night but would call him later in the week. Kassie asked me what was wrong again and I just wasn’t feeling on top of my game, but finally Mom’s applesauce cake with ice cream and caramel sauce was served up so that got me excited. I was eating up at the table by myself and everyone else was in the family room and then Dad asked me why I was picking at my cake and I started crying, I don’t even know why, I couldn’t help it, I couldn’t not cry, so I put my hands over my face and he rubbed my back and continued talking to everyone until Mom and Kassie noticed and Kassie pulled me out of the room and into the living room and Mom was right behind her. We sat in there for about 20 minutes talking while I tried to pull my shit together, I don’t even know what’s wrong with me and I hate to use this term because it sounds so cliché and I usually never experience it, but I think it has something to do with PMS combined with all the other shit that’s happening at the moment. I don’t know that I’ve ever had a mood swing, but I’m pretty sure that qualified. I sat next to Grandma on the couch and everyone talked for a little while then it was time to go and I drove Grandma and Grandpa home then headed back to my house and proceeded to cry again but managed to stop before I got home because Desperate Housewives was on and I didn’t want to ruin watching that. So I pretty much spent the day crying with brief periods of interacting with people. Great!
Saturday 11/11, I was feeling lazy so I didn’t go on my walk even though I knew I should and instead laid in bed for a while then got up and dressed. I continued cleaning out the living room and vacuuming and talked to Mom while waiting for the delivery guys to get there. When they got there I asked them to take the big couch down to the garage then they brought in the new one and it’s huge and more purple than I remember, though it changes depending on the time of the day. I love it though, and I’m so glad to finally get a new piece of furniture. Dad came over and we loaded up the van with the couch and about 9 bags of clothes and stuff for the Union Gospel Mission which felt good to be rid of. We sat and talked for a little while then he left and I was getting ready to go to work and Eliso called and it’s been so long since I’ve talked to her that one of her first questions was “So, how are things with Brandon?” ha, so I filled her in on everything, including the Eric debacle and my current living situation and she had some really wonderful advice. So Eliso. We talked about her wedding and it looks like it’s going to be on August 4 so I’ll be out in River Falls for my birthday weekend which should be a wonderful way to celebrate. Plus with a lot of the old crew going it should be a lot of fun and a good chance to catch up with everyone. We talked for about an hour and a half and it just really made me feel good and I always forget how great it is to talk to her and how much perspective she can shed on a situation. I then headed out to work so I could help Peggy and send myself the Eric file. After I got home I sat around and eventually Susan and I ended up on the couches downstairs lounging and watching Sex and the City, then we decided to get Romio’s for dinner and since it was only 5:15 we knew it would get to us before the dinner rush. My roast beef sandwich was delicious and I didn’t even eat the whole thing, unlike Susan who got mad at me when I didn’t stop her from finishing her calzone. Ha! Susan had suggested maybe going to Cowgirls Inc but I felt conflicted because I knew I should get out but I really didn’t feel like it, especially with all the f-ing rain. In the meantime I went up to my room and revised what I wanted to say to Eric on his voicemail and ended up calling around 9:00 and leaving a very longwinded message outlining mainly that I wish he would have just been honest with me rather than ignoring me because now, for the second time in less than a year, I feel like a piece of garbage! Yay! I guess this one’s pretty much my own fault though, to some extent, I should have known better. Oh well, a cute guy who gives you lots of orgasms is hard to pass up. Live and learn! After that Susan and I started getting ready and finally left the house around 11:00 and got down to Cowgirls Inc but had to wait in line for a little bit. We went toward the back and watched the girls dance and kept trying to get Andy’s attention as he walked by and one time I even hit him on the arm and he didn’t even look up, which totally cracked Susan and me up. She volunteered to trip him but decided against it. Finally he saw us and I got a hug but he had to leave right then and Susan got a picture of the back of his head. We moved over to the mechanical bull and I got a decent picture and Susan was taking all these hilarious pictures of us which I’ll have to post on my flickr because some of them are so ridiculous. We watched people on the mechanical bull and danced to some 80’s hits before spotting Andy take door duty so that was our cue to take off. He goes, “I haven’t seen you guy for a while” so I say “I pretty much got dumped this week so I had to come down for my Andy-pick-me-up” and he kind of raised his eyebrows and laughed. We talk a little more then he says “So maybe I’ll be seeing you more often now that you’re…free?” Me: “I guess when someone doesn’t call you after a week that makes you free” Him: “Well there are plenty of other people out there” Me: “That’s a good way to look at it Andy” then I went in for another hug and we took off. Some idiot guys were trying to fight my car as I drove out and I was this close to ripping their heads off for getting near it, but Susan strongly encouraged me to drive away instead. We headed up to Capitol Hill to go to Broadway Grill for dessert and our waiter was sooo cute, but we couldn’t figure out if he was gay or not. I got the sour cream chocolate bundt cake and Susan got the vanilla cheesecake and they were both really good and we ate off each other’s plates and took more pictures. Susan almost left her number, but decided against it at the last minute so we left. We drove up to see her new place and it’s really cute and parking will always be super easy so I’m excited about that. We drove home and both went to bed, it was a little after 2:00.
Friday 11/10, I stayed at home because there wasn’t much going on socially for me. I managed to get the living room somewhat cleaned out and ready for the new couch. I talked to Kay-See for a while then Kassie before calling it a night.
Eric, I liked the way you smelled. I loved your smile and laugh, especially when you’d throw your head back when something was really funny. I still laugh when I think of you saying “ferfill” and “litter school”. I like that you let me pinch your nipple, even if you didn’t really like it. I liked it when you rubbed my neck, especially when I was driving. I loved it when you would say "Karrah? Swallow." It was somehow sweet because it showed you were paying attention. I loved it when you would touch my bottom lip before kissing me. I won’t go into how much I enjoyed your lady-pleasing skills because it depresses me to think that I won't be benefiting from them any longer. I loved that you always opened doors for me and let me walk in first like a gentleman, but were dirty and liked to pull my hair and bite me in the bedroom. I loved running my fingers over the tattoo on your chest. I loved dancing with you even when you would try to take my shirt off and I especially liked it when you’d take your shirt off and then not remember the next day. I liked to watch you skate, especially in Leavenworth when I managed to get one good picture of you on your camera. When I look at the picture of you and me kissing at Deception Falls it makes me melt. I loved your cooking. I loved watching you cook. I'm hooked on goat cheese now because of you. I’m sad I never got to hear your Kentucky accent, though according to your friends it only comes out when you’re mad, so maybe I shouldn’t be. I liked it when you would say “Yes or no?” or “True story”. There are lots of other things I like about you. This is just the short version.
You always made me feel good about myself, except, well, right now. I’m sad you ended it this way.
Thursday 11/9, The big Kyky surprise was going down later in the evening and I had a few other potential plans for the night as well, so I got right down to getting ready when I got home. Susan and I made plans for later on and she took a nap while I showered, painted my nails, made dinner and primped. I left the house around 7:30 and called Jason on the way to make plans to pick up my scarf over the weekend at some point then parked right around the block from Rosebud. I went in according to the time Ky had given me but no one was there so then I felt stupid and went back outside and called Kay-See who suggested I try Ky on his cell phone, which I didn’t know was working, so I did and him and Neil were down at the Bus Stop so I walked over to meet them. I got hugs from both of those cute boys then we went outside so they could smoke the German cigarettes Ky brought back. We talked about how flat his stomach is and I rubbed my hands all over it then we talked about Patryk until we went back in. We talked for a while longer there then Richie called Neil to come pick him and Cory up. The plan was that Neil was going to say he ran into me on Capital Hill so that’s why I was with him and Kyle was going to hide in the back of the new Scion under a blanket and some other stuff and then pop up when Neil gave the cue. So the three of us walked to Neil’s apartment to pick Chris up and get a blanket then we headed out and went over our plan again. I was the distraction in the back seat and I was going to give Richie his present which would hopefully be a distraction in itself, besides me being in the car. So the signal that they were coming so that Kyle was quiet was “Shut the fuck up” and they stood outside the car for a minute smoking then got in and I got a big hug then I told Richie about his present and he loved it (or if he didn’t he did a good job faking it) and then Neil started in with the planned dialogue. He goes, “So I don’t really want to go to Rosebud because it just wouldn’t be the same without Kyle” and Richie laughs out loud and is like “Um, ok” so Cory suggests the Baltic Room then Kyle perks up from behind our seat and is like “But I want to go to Rosebud” and they both kind of looked around for a second then looked into the back and Richie started screaming and Cory was like “Kyle, OH MY GOD!” and hugging him over the seats, while Richie continued to just sit back and scream. We all piled out of the car and let Kyle out of the back and they all hugged in the street and laughed, it was so fun. Then we got back in the car, found a parking spot and went into Rosebud. We waited in the bar for a while as everyone got their drinks then we made our way out to the patio where we sat for a good hour and 45 minutes talking, joking and posing for pictures. I got some good ones with Neil and also discussed with him how we won’t let our children be in the sun too much to protect their beautiful porcelain skin from harsh UV rays. Richie and I joked a lot too, and I found myself always looking at him after making a joke because he always has the most animated response, it was great. Kyle showed pictures of the bf and the ring and told stories that included P’s mother and also the new term (for me) “power bottom”. Neil took pictures of Cory, Chris and I in 3 different situations: Playboy Bunnies, characters in a murder scene, and guests on Jerry Springer. It was really funny, even though I didn’t turn out so good in my pictures, but it was fun regardless. We called Kay-See to beg her to go dancing, then Neil got on my phone and insisted she come out so I had a good feeling about my first 80’s Night with Kay-See. As we were leaving Rosebud I told everyone I was going to run up to my car to drop my stuff and that I’d catch back up with them, and I did, but since I wasn’t wearing my coat Chris put his arm around me all the way to Neighbours to keep me warm. Travers told me he’d found himself in my blog (Hi Travers!) even though he wasn’t looking for me or my blog, and I told him I was mortified but at least there wasn’t anything negative, right? I paid for Kyle, Neil and part of Chris to get in and the one bouncer was flirty as always. We went in and started dancing immediately and dancing with all of them is so much fun and Richie’s really good and does all these crazy moves. Then the Breakfast Club song came on and it made me think of Eric and that’s probably the one song that will always make me think about him, then Kyle started getting teary because he misses P but I showed him my sassy moves and I think that cheered him up a little. Maybe. I’m not a power bottom but I’ve got a real sassy shimmy. Kay-See showed up and everyone was so excited and Neil was taking pictures, and I’m really hoping one of them ends up as a comment on my myspace, because it was hot. We all danced then Susan showed up so there was a group constantly dancing with people joining in and leaving, but someone was always on the dance floor. Richie and Cory disappeared and I never saw them again, then Ky, so Kay-See and I went to find him and called from the alley but he was already on his way home, with R and C in tow. K and I went back inside and upstairs to chat about Jacob and my correspondence with him and also about Neil’s and my children attending boarding school. We went down and danced to two more songs (including Jitterbug, which Kay-See dutifully danced to with gritted teeth) then told Susan we were going to take off. We walked to my car and I drove her the three or so blocks down and talked about Eric and what I should do about him, but didn’t come to any conclusions. When I got home I was feeling impulsive so I called him, it was about 1:00, and didn’t expect him to answer, which he didn’t, but left a somewhat spastic message on his voicemail, ending with “I don’t know why I called” and just kind of hung up. At least I was able to go to sleep easily, but I had weird dreams about having to take a German class (Kyle!) and losing three pairs of my shoes. At least I had a fabulous night full of good music, surprises, friends and hot gay boys.
Wednesday 11/8, Kassie called me on my way home from work and I told her “I’m listening ‘Eli, the Barrow Boy’” and she goes, “Oh my God, I am too!” so we each turned it up so the other could hear and hers was only a few seconds behind mine. Funny! She then informed me that she’s moving down to Humbolt, CA which almost made me start crying right there in the car, but she said that it’s more of a sabbatical from Seattle and she may be back in a month, she doesn’t know but feels Seattle hasn’t challenged her for a while and wants to try something different. I can understand that, but it still makes me so incredibly sad. She then suggested since Susan’s moving out that she just rent my room out to keep her stuff in and when she comes to town, that way I can live by myself and she doesn’t have to worry about where she’s going to store her stuff for the time being. This made me happy, but not happy enough to make me glad she’s moving. I’m bummed. Anyway, I went downstairs and made dinner and Susan and I talked and ended up in front of the tv but only half paying attention because we were discussing the Eric situation. My phone rang so I ran upstairs and it was Kay-See who had someone special for me to talk to on the phone, though she specified that it was not Curtis Stone, but it was someone I was equally glad to talk to. After the phone conversation I went back downstairs and we resumed our conversation all wrapped up in blankets with our pajamas on. Then Kay-See called back and said she was in my neck of the woods and asked if I wanted her to stop over and I said “Of course! But Top Model is on in 15 minutes so you have to watch that with us” and she agreed then proceeded to park with her car’s ass half way in the road in front of my house. This provided a certain source of entertainment during her visit. We gossiped about all manner of subjects and the spontaneity of her visit made it that much more fun. Then we talked about nude skydiving and as a result I have a lovely new picture comment on my profile that I’m pretty sure she cut out of a magazine and scanned into her computer to prove me wrong. Ok, not really, but I think it’s funny to imagine Kay-See with a secret collection of nude-skydiving pictures. After Top Model she left and I watched the special OC episode then took a shower where I proceeded to have a good cry because I feel so out of control right now. Susan’s moving out (it’s ok Susan, really!), Kassie’s moving, Eric hasn’t fucking called me FOREVER (ok, like before I went to San Diego) and Kay-See is leaving to go to Australia next week and will be gone for two weeks. Someone shoot me now. Thank God I’ll be in San Diego in less than two weeks, I need some sunshine. If there’s a lack of that there’s always clothes, shoes and cds to make it better.
Tuesday 11/7, Since it wasn’t raining and all that cold after work I decided to do my short walk and ran most of it, but unfortunately at one point I didn’t think anyone was around so I was really getting into it while listening to Scissor Sisters and I was punching the air with every step and then I look over and this guy is taking his trash out to the curb right as I’m walking by. I covered my face with my cd player and kept right on walking. I made some dinner when I got back and hung out in my room until Susan came home and we watched the election coverage on CNN and she ate her chocolate covered pretzels on my bed while I drooled and wished I didn’t have to avoid concentrated sugar. I spent most of the rest of the evening thinking about Eric and the fact that he still hasn’t called me and now I’m devising what I would like to say to his voicemail if he still hasn’t called me by this weekend. Which is what I’m expecting.
Monday 11/6, I pretty much laid around after work and didn’t do anything except read Sarah B’s blog and watch Napolean Dynamite. I talked to Kassie for a while on the phone and she told me about her trip and how she’s falling in love with this guy she met down there who sounds fairly impressive and gave her like $1,500 to fix her car and go shopping in San Francisco. Hmm...where can I meet one of these guys? She said she wants me to meet his friend Cedar because she’s really drawn to him but he doesn’t smoke at all or drink much and she said there’s just something about him that’s fascinating. I’m game, just tell me where to sign. I read for the rest of the night and semi-waited for Eric to call…but he didn’t…and that doesn’t surprise me. It’ll be interesting how this one ends up. Stay tuned kids! I think I need to go to Neighbours this week to blow off some steam…and perhaps a little Cowgirls Inc...
Sunday 11/5, I woke up semi-early again and since it wasn’t raining I got dressed and went for my walk. It felt great to be outside and the sun was even shining in some places which made it that much better. When I got home I showered and got ready then headed out to do my errands which included going to Costco and doing my grocery shopping. I went home and laid around watching Sex and the City until it was time to meet Susan at the Galleria to see Marie Antoinette. She surprised me in the theater with a chocolate chip cookie from Starbucks, my favorite! The movie was good, not quite what I was expecting but the costumes and visuals were amazing. Jason Schwartzman cracked me up as Louis. We both went home after the movie and I started going through a box of old cards and letters I had received during college, from birthdays, gradations and other bits of random mail. It made me sad to throw some of it away, but some of those ships have sailed and there’s no point in hanging on to reminders plus it’s time I let go of some things because I’m a packrat and have too much crap. At 6 I drove over to Mom’s for dinner and everyone was starting without me but that’s ok because we were having spanacopita! Yum! Then Jake shared some of his Halloween candy with us. Yay! We were collectively talking about my situation with Eric and Alan asked me if I wanted to meet someone who wanted to be my bf or if I was hoping that at some point by dating Eric he would eventually fill that roll. That’s a tough one, because while I’m starting to kind of want that bf / gf thing, I don’t think I’m going to get it out of Eric for a couple of reasons unfortunately, despite being insanely attracted to him. I don’t know, I don’t think he wants to be my bf anyway so I probably shouldn’t even worry about it. Maybe it’s time for a trip down to Cowgirls Inc to say hi to Andy. Wink wink. Anyway, I stayed long enough to watch the end of Enough with the family then I hit the road. I watched my usual Sunday night tv shows then pretty much went to bed, at like 10:30.
Saturday 11/4, I got up somewhat early ready to tackle the day. I got dressed and headed down to Southcenter to pick up my bridesmaid dress then went to Costco for gas then home. I made a big salad for lunch then started on a whole slew of chores. I cleaned my bathroom, including the floor which I hate to do, cleaned the downstairs bathroom, did like 3 loads of laundry, cleaned out my closet and got more things in my donation pile, tidied up my room and cleaned out the washing machine. Then I did a whole lot of lying around until about 5:30. I went down to Nordstrom Rack to find some tights but came up unsuccessful so I went next door to DSW and found 2 pairs of Anne Klein black tights then perused the enormous show warehouse. The only other DSW I’ve been to was in San Diego and it had nothing on this one. There is one entire wall of designer shoes with the marked down prices ranging from $250 - $500, it was nuts, but they were the most fun to look at. I went to Mom’s after that and talked with Mom and Dad for about 10 minutes until Kay-See called to tell me she was home and ready for her “Karrah Lovin” and I told her I had an idea for dinner so I said bye to the parents and headed into Seattle. I found parking closer than last time and went up. Her place is so cute and sooo her and we discussed decorating for a little bit until I told her my plan for dinner. Since I didn’t bring her a housewarming gift I told her I would take her out to dinner (I brought one of my new dresses and pair of heels with me) to the S. House and that way she could finally meet Eric. Plus we would get to dress up and go out to dinner. We continued to chat and we talked about Jacob and then my phone rang and I look at it and it’s Zeph! She’s all, you better answer that! So I did and I talked to him for a good 10 minutes and found out where he’s bartending and told him I would stop by sometime maybe even with my good friend Kay-See who just happens to LOVE beer, since that is their specialty. I also made him laugh by making reference to the huge crush I had / still have on him. Kay-See and I talked more about the exceptions she is willing to make when it comes to men, and apparently cute blonde guys and short red-heads are on that list. We kept chatting until about 8:45 then we both got dressed up and did our make up and hair and headed out the door. I’m still so pissed off I didn’t get any pictures since it was a fun night and that’s my early New Year’s resolution. Get on it Karrah! We got to the restaurant and we were seated very far away from the kitchen but I could still see Eric’s every move and I knew that he didn’t know I was there because despite calling him and leaving a message on his phone I knew he wouldn’t check his messages before getting off work. So Kay-See and I devised a plan and I asked the waitress to tell Eric that Karrah says hi so a few minutes later I see that he sees me, so I give a wave. I ordered the vegetarian plate because it had roasted veggies and goat cheese but I really wanted the fish and chips as well so Kay-See was nice enough to order it and told me I could have some, what a good friend. When Eric came over however, he asks who ordered the fried food in a not-so-chipper manner and did not get off on the right foot with Kay-See. We got our food and pretty much devoured most of it then Eric came back out and we wanted to know how the peppers had that smoky taste so Eric took us back to see his 8-foot Alder burning grill. Then the grill cook guy (why can’t I remember his name?!) made some inappropriate comments but I gave him some right back to him which made everyone laugh and shake their heads, heh. We went and sat back down and Eric joined us which was nice because I think in the process redeemed himself a little bit in Kay-See’s eyes…especially when he starts talking about food. Hot. When the bill came I got my credit card out but before it could be handed over to the waitress Eric told her to put it on his account and I said “No!” and she goes “I’d be happy to do that, what’s your account number?” and she was off. I told him I didn’t want him to think that I expect him to do that, because it was my treat to Kay-See to celebrate and he just paid for it. This means I need to come up with another house warming gift idea, but I think I already have it. We thanked him for dinner then we decided to head out so he walked us to the car and when he hugged me he told me I looked nice so that made me melt a little bit, then he said he’d call me the next day, but he didn’t. We drove back to Kay-See’s and I changed quickly then hit the road because I figured 5 hours worth of Karrah lovin was probably all she could stand for the evening. I read a little bit before going to bed around 12:30.
Friday 11/3, After work it wasn’t too cold or raining too hard so I decided to go on my short walk but ended up running most of it because the headphones Susan gave me kept falling out and it was dark as hell and I didn’t want to get hit by a car. I did work up quite a sweat though from all my layers, so that was good. I showered and ate dinner then called Kay-See to see what she was up to because I was severely bored and wanted to do something but she had a concert to go to so I laid in bed for the rest of the night. I did watch the Paris Hilton and Pam Anderson pornos which I’ve been meaning to do forever, so I guess I can cross that off my list of things to do. Being alone watching celebrity porn is a great way to spend a Friday night, let me tell you. I think I need to join a club or book group or something.
Thursday 11/2, I found a hilarious new blog to read and just found this not so hilarious part, but felt it really describes my situation with B and had to copy it down, otherwise I knew I’d lose it and never find it again in her archives: “I’ve always believed that any relationship can work as long as both people involved really want it to work, and both of them make it their first priority. This is a terrifying thing if you think about it, because you have to blindly trust the other person’s desire to make it work, and acknowledge that if they change their mind, you’re fucked. Which is basically what happened to me.” Hey, me too Sarah B! I have a huge girl crush on her and laugh out loud at her posts. But anyway, back to business. After work I got a whole bunch of pillows and blankets, cranked the heat and settled in front of the big tv downstairs to watch Two Towers because I haven’t watched it forever and it sounded nice. That’s pretty much all I did because it’s like 4 hours long or something. When Susan came home she told me she is moving out in December sometime so now I’m on the lookout for potential new roommates, though I wish I could afford to live by myself because, well, I like living alone. I’ll probably look to get someone in at the first of the year, but we’ll see how things go. Or maybe I’ll get such a fantastic raise I’ll be able to justify not having a roommate and turn it into a guest bedroom or craft room or something. Just kidding about the craft room thing. As much as I don’t want to deal with living with someone, a stranger no less, at least I can “jack up the rent now” as Susan so eloquently put it. Indeed I will. Susan also told me that Travers found his name in my blog and I am wondering how mortified I should be…I guess I still don’t think anyone besides 3 of my good friends and one of my sisters reads this thing, so when I think about strangers, etc. reading my blog it makes me feel a little uneasy. Do I want people out there reading about how Eric humped me up against the mirrored pillar or how many times he makes me come? I don’t know, but I guess the answer is no, but I’m not changing my format…yet. Anyway, back to what I actually did on Thursday, um, so we finished watching LoTR together then went upstairs to our rooms. Jacob suggested, via myspace, meeting up this weekend so we’ll see if/how that pans out. Do I really want to juggle? I pretty much have a crush on only Eric right now and definitely don’t want to be sleeping with anyone else, but who knows how that will pan out and I’m not trying to keep all my eggs in one basket so I guess I should be open to meeting someone new (and really cute no less), even if his profile does say he’s Christian. Let’s face it Karrah, Zeph is Christian and totally hot and you adore him, who says Jacob doesn’t have the same potential? We’ll see. Hmm…how do I run this by Eric? He’s not trying to hide anything and neither am I. Wednesday 11/1, I went straight into Seattle after work and sat in traffic FOREVER trying to get off at Mercer to get to John’s office (my mortgage guy). We went over some paper work and scenarios for about an hour then I called Eric to see if he still wanted to hang out. I went into Ballard and he thought he was behind me and was all “I know what you’re wearing” and I told him he didn’t because a van was behind me, not him, then he realized he was behind someone with the same car as mine. I met him in the parking lot of the store but we were both on our phones (me with Mom who was trying to tell me that “down low” is a term homosexual black men in the south use, ok Mom) and Eric laughing at me for the duration of the night because of the content of that conversation and calling me "so white." Well yeah, duh. When we got inside the store I could tell he was totally high and that made me feel weird, but whatever, I dealt. He was making meatballs so we perused the store until all the ingredients were collected, including some Sudafed because pot is a weed and apparently he’s allergic to those and was all stuffed up as a result. I told him he’s ridiculous. We drove back to his house and he started making dinner while I watched a new skate video he’d just gotten but he didn’t really give me a straight answer when I asked him if he’d been dancing with other girls the night before at O’hana so then I felt really weird, though I didn’t know if I should because a) we’re not bf / gf, b) sometimes he doesn’t answer my questions because he loses his train of thought easily and c) he's not good at answering questions I ask him period, whether it's about girls or his favorite skate park. About an hour and half later (and one back massage courtesy of his magic hands) one of the batches of the meatballs were done so he served them up with some basmati rice and they were soooo good, I was practically licking my bowl. He put The Big Lebowski on and I think I’ve seen it once before at the South 8th house sophomore year but don’t really remember much of it, so we watched that and it was funny. I asked him again about the dancing with girls and he said he was dancing with everyone so then I asked him if he was making out with anyone and he said no. He asked me if I was getting jealous and I said, well a little, but mostly I just want to know where we stand. So that was fine then he laid down and put his head in my lap and I rubbed his scalp and it was really nice. I thought he had fallen asleep because he does that very easily, so I laughed and he peaked one eye open and asked what I was laughing at and told me to keep rubbing. Then he started getting all frisky and wanted us to have sex like right on the couch in the living room. I told him no way because his fricken roommates could walk in at any moment and to button his pants back up. Needless to say we ended up downstairs in his little freezing-ass room naked and under the covers with our legs entwined and leveraging off each other. Um, then I got up and told him it was time for me to head home so we both dressed and he walked me out. When I got home I showered, despite it being close to midnight, wondered where Susan was off to, and went to bed.
Tuesday 10/31, I went to the dermatologist during my lunch break and he put me on two different kinds of meds and also said my mole is fine but the scar tissue can be leveled with monthly injections. Ouch, I don’t know about that one Doc, I’ll sleep on it. After work I went home and transferred some pictures between computers but I can’t get my old one to recognize the charger now, so it’s losing battery power and I can’t recharge it, what am I going to do?! Augh! Anyway, I got the fashion show pictures up on flickr and two from CA of Aubs and I in the car. I’m so bad at taking pictures, I need to break the camera out more often. Maybe that will be my New Year’s resolution except I’ll start early, like tomorrow. I then showered and got ready to go over to Jason and Beth’s to see baby Harper. I stopped at the QFC on MI to get flowers for the new parents and the cashier was quite a comedian then I swung by Mom’s to drop off that useless VCR and found out they had been handing out half dollars and quarters to trick or treaters, weird. Then I drove over to Capitol Hill found parking after driving around for 20 minutes, met Jason outside then went up. Beth was feeding him so I had to wait about 10 minutes before I could get my hands on him, and he’s so teeny and cute I can’t stand it. I held him for a long time until he started getting fussy and Jason put his nose in his mouth to show me how cute it is when he thinks it’s Beth’s nipple and tries to suck it. Jason put on some of his skate videos and I was really impressed and we talked shop a little bit (ie Eric) before Beth went to bed with the baby. I stayed a little longer and we talked about siblings and rolled out around 9:30, called Eric but he didn’t answer so I went home. I continued cleaning and organizing until it was bed time. Eric called around 11:30 and said he would call me tomorrow and I went to bed.
Monday 10/30, I did some grocery shopping after work then went to Bed Bath and Beyond for some new hangers. At home it was freezing so I decided to get warm by busying myself with cleaning my room and doing laundry while my heater kicked in. I called Jason and congratulated him on the new baby and he invited me to come over the next night to meet him. I got quite a bit accomplished in my room, the most noteworthy was getting the electric heating blanket situated under my sheet and mattress pad so that my bed is nice and warm when I get in at bedtime. I’m getting goose bumps just thinking about it.
