Sunday 11/12, I woke up, got dressed and headed to Costco for gas then did my grocery shopping and back home to relax. I wanted to watch a movie and Cold Mountain has been on my list forever so I asked Susan if she wanted to watch since she’s never seen it and I prepared myself to start crying. I only got teary at the usual places and Susan chastised me afterward for not crying more…if I would have been by myself I would have. I always do. I decided to go for a walk since it wasn’t raining much and to help clear my head. As I was making my way back home I started crying…luckily the road isn’t too busy on Sundays and I just kept my head down and blubbered down the road, in the rain, listening to Scissor Sisters, pretty much all the way home. I felt like shit by the time I got back so I closed my door, put on Smashing Pumpkins’ “Adore,” laid down on my bed and continued to cry. Kassie called and started freaking out a little trying to figure out what was wrong with me and we talked about it a little then made plans to meet up at Mom’s for Dad’s birthday dinner and she told me I was done crying over Eric so I got up to get in the shower because I had about an hour, then I started crying again in the shower but managed to pull it together by the time I got out. When I got out of the shower I had two missed calls, one from Mom who I’m sure had heard from Kassie and one from Jason. I called Jason back and told him about everything going on and he was all “Dude, I think you’re really pretty and cool, I don’t know what’s wrong with these guys. Is there something weird about you that you’re not telling me about?” and I told him I didn’t think so, and that I hoped not. Hmm, what if there is something wrong with me and no one ever tells me? That’s a terrible thought…moving on. I told him I would call him later after the dinner, I finished getting ready and headed to Mom’s with a detour for ice cream. Kassie got there with Skylar who is very cute and so nice, but totally not what I expected. Us kids drove separately to Sea Star for dinner and I felt bad because I know Kassie was excited for me to interact with him and get to know him but I felt so incredibly shitty I couldn’t even fake it, so I pretty much just sat there during dinner staring at nothing. When we got back to the house I called Jason and left a message that I didn’t feel like driving in that night but would call him later in the week. Kassie asked me what was wrong again and I just wasn’t feeling on top of my game, but finally Mom’s applesauce cake with ice cream and caramel sauce was served up so that got me excited. I was eating up at the table by myself and everyone else was in the family room and then Dad asked me why I was picking at my cake and I started crying, I don’t even know why, I couldn’t help it, I couldn’t not cry, so I put my hands over my face and he rubbed my back and continued talking to everyone until Mom and Kassie noticed and Kassie pulled me out of the room and into the living room and Mom was right behind her. We sat in there for about 20 minutes talking while I tried to pull my shit together, I don’t even know what’s wrong with me and I hate to use this term because it sounds so cliché and I usually never experience it, but I think it has something to do with PMS combined with all the other shit that’s happening at the moment. I don’t know that I’ve ever had a mood swing, but I’m pretty sure that qualified. I sat next to Grandma on the couch and everyone talked for a little while then it was time to go and I drove Grandma and Grandpa home then headed back to my house and proceeded to cry again but managed to stop before I got home because Desperate Housewives was on and I didn’t want to ruin watching that. So I pretty much spent the day crying with brief periods of interacting with people. Great!

Saturday 11/11, I was feeling lazy so I didn’t go on my walk even though I knew I should and instead laid in bed for a while then got up and dressed. I continued cleaning out the living room and vacuuming and talked to Mom while waiting for the delivery guys to get there. When they got there I asked them to take the big couch down to the garage then they brought in the new one and it’s huge and more purple than I remember, though it changes depending on the time of the day. I love it though, and I’m so glad to finally get a new piece of furniture. Dad came over and we loaded up the van with the couch and about 9 bags of clothes and stuff for the Union Gospel Mission which felt good to be rid of. We sat and talked for a little while then he left and I was getting ready to go to work and Eliso called and it’s been so long since I’ve talked to her that one of her first questions was “So, how are things with Brandon?” ha, so I filled her in on everything, including the Eric debacle and my current living situation and she had some really wonderful advice. So Eliso. We talked about her wedding and it looks like it’s going to be on August 4 so I’ll be out in River Falls for my birthday weekend which should be a wonderful way to celebrate. Plus with a lot of the old crew going it should be a lot of fun and a good chance to catch up with everyone. We talked for about an hour and a half and it just really made me feel good and I always forget how great it is to talk to her and how much perspective she can shed on a situation. I then headed out to work so I could help Peggy and send myself the Eric file. After I got home I sat around and eventually Susan and I ended up on the couches downstairs lounging and watching Sex and the City, then we decided to get Romio’s for dinner and since it was only 5:15 we knew it would get to us before the dinner rush. My roast beef sandwich was delicious and I didn’t even eat the whole thing, unlike Susan who got mad at me when I didn’t stop her from finishing her calzone. Ha! Susan had suggested maybe going to Cowgirls Inc but I felt conflicted because I knew I should get out but I really didn’t feel like it, especially with all the f-ing rain. In the meantime I went up to my room and revised what I wanted to say to Eric on his voicemail and ended up calling around 9:00 and leaving a very longwinded message outlining mainly that I wish he would have just been honest with me rather than ignoring me because now, for the second time in less than a year, I feel like a piece of garbage! Yay! I guess this one’s pretty much my own fault though, to some extent, I should have known better. Oh well, a cute guy who gives you lots of orgasms is hard to pass up. Live and learn! After that Susan and I started getting ready and finally left the house around 11:00 and got down to Cowgirls Inc but had to wait in line for a little bit. We went toward the back and watched the girls dance and kept trying to get Andy’s attention as he walked by and one time I even hit him on the arm and he didn’t even look up, which totally cracked Susan and me up. She volunteered to trip him but decided against it. Finally he saw us and I got a hug but he had to leave right then and Susan got a picture of the back of his head. We moved over to the mechanical bull and I got a decent picture and Susan was taking all these hilarious pictures of us which I’ll have to post on my flickr because some of them are so ridiculous. We watched people on the mechanical bull and danced to some 80’s hits before spotting Andy take door duty so that was our cue to take off. He goes, “I haven’t seen you guy for a while” so I say “I pretty much got dumped this week so I had to come down for my Andy-pick-me-up” and he kind of raised his eyebrows and laughed. We talk a little more then he says “So maybe I’ll be seeing you more often now that you’re…free?” Me: “I guess when someone doesn’t call you after a week that makes you free” Him: “Well there are plenty of other people out there” Me: “That’s a good way to look at it Andy” then I went in for another hug and we took off. Some idiot guys were trying to fight my car as I drove out and I was this close to ripping their heads off for getting near it, but Susan strongly encouraged me to drive away instead. We headed up to Capitol Hill to go to Broadway Grill for dessert and our waiter was sooo cute, but we couldn’t figure out if he was gay or not. I got the sour cream chocolate bundt cake and Susan got the vanilla cheesecake and they were both really good and we ate off each other’s plates and took more pictures. Susan almost left her number, but decided against it at the last minute so we left. We drove up to see her new place and it’s really cute and parking will always be super easy so I’m excited about that. We drove home and both went to bed, it was a little after 2:00.

Friday 11/10, I stayed at home because there wasn’t much going on socially for me. I managed to get the living room somewhat cleaned out and ready for the new couch. I talked to Kay-See for a while then Kassie before calling it a night.