Monday 11/26, After work I tried to accomplish some things and was mildly successful, but pretty much just ended up paying bills, doing some laundry and watching a lot of tv. Including Jonathan's show, which I felt was better than last week's episode. I received a cute text from Ian requesting we "chat" the next day since it's been a while.

Sunday 11/25, I had cramps all night so I didn’t sleep very well and then had no motivation to get out of bed and downtown to see Kay-See cross the finish line of her half-marathon so I talked to Susan in bed and ended up watching some mystery specials on Discovery. I got up around noon and ran an errand then to Peggy’s to drop off the tree stand then grocery shopping and home where I made a sandwich then put on a movie, Amelie, and promptly fell asleep. I finally made myself get up and headed downstairs to make dinner and oatmeal cookies. I started copying some recipes into a little book Susan gave me a million years ago. I ate a bunch of cookie dough and some cookies, though I burned the bottoms of one small batch. I watched the usual shows and talked to someone on the phone but I can’t remember… well, besides Susan, I know I talked to her because she fessed up that EHM made her a bit misty.

Saturday 11/24, I woke up at 7:30 and couldn’t really fall back asleep so I got up at 8 and walked down to the park and did a couple laps before heading home to shower and ask Aubrie if she wanted to hit the mall at 10. She did, then Mom and Dad arrived back home and Dad whipped up an excellent batch of French Toast. The girls got ready then we went down and hit a couple shops and I picked up a bunch of discounted tank tops because I can’t get them in Seattle. Back at home Skylar was enjoying some French Toast and the three of us girls went upstairs and tried to find out if Ian was up or not. And either he wasn’t or he was ignoring my text. Alishia showed up and we started on the tree and picture taking and story telling and pyramid forming. Kassie and us girls went upstairs to watch an old vhs tape Mom found of Kassie’s with lots of Zach and Kortney and Chelsea and the old house. It was crazy to watch. I packed up and around 2:30 and Dad, Mom and me took off for the airport. We made good time and talked about how much fun the trip was and my house and life and their plans for moving to Arizona. They dropped me at the airport and I made it to my gate in 20 minutes. I called Mom to find out if she could pick me up from the airport, then Dad and Mom to tell them I made it, then Susan to get filled in on her week’s events. My plane was on time and I updated this thing on the flight.

Friday 11/23, I woke up and Dad made pancakes and I wanted to go on a walk, but didn’t have time for a long one so Alishia went with me on a short one around the neighborhood. We got ready for Santa pictures but I was just laying around with Kassie so eventually I got her motivated enough to take off with me because I wanted to check out Barney’s beforehand. Skylar had taken off so when he got back we left but there was all this weird tension and they ended up getting into an argument on the way down there then S insisted on staying at the car while we went ahead and I kind of lectured K that she wasn’t trying very hard and that it was the least I’ve seen her work at something in a long time. She didn’t care and was swearing up a storm all the way to Barney’s. I grabbed a bunch of jeans and only got through two pair before Aubrie called and told us tot get down there NOW because they were next in line. I threw my pants back on, grabbed Kassie and walked down. We took our pictures and I discreetly filled the sisters in, then Mom because K had disappeared. I wanted to go back and try on more pants but felt bad because the car situation wasn’t ideal, but Mom and Dad said they would wait while I found some so we went back in, I hurriedly grabbed a bunch of randoms, Aubrie and headed into the dressing rooms. She gave me the thumbs up on two pair and I threw the rest in the no pile. Aubrie took off to meet up with Dad at Sun Diego where she avoided stoners while stealthily flirting with other boys while I purchased the jeans and we met back up with them then walked back to the car. We squished into the backseat and talked about Beenie and Cecil all the way home. We didn’t stick around long, only long enough to change, then Aubrie and I were back out the door on a costume hunting mission. Ian called and we chatted for a minute while I stood in the driveway then we hit the road. We struck out at Party City but hit the jackpot at Goodwill where Aubrie spotted a sequined and frilly outfit that would be perfect for my costume, so we both snagged our costumes then hit the road to a second Party City where we picked out accessories. We ran to the store for Mom and I shushed Aubrie when she started making vulgar comments and gestures to the two Mormon boys outside the store. At home Mom suggested we start getting ready, so I put on my outfit and I’m pretty sure every reaction out of each person was “Oh. My. God.” Followed by laughter. At least it was entertaining. Kassie came home but the problem wasn’t solved and no one was sure if Skylar would be joining us for the game. Everyone was getting ready and I corresponded with Ian a bit about my costume and sent him some pictures. People started showing up in costume so it was a hoot to see how everyone got into it. Court and Pat showed up and we chatted a bit and went upstairs to get pictures and ended up sitting on the couch and chatting. Eventually we all congregated in the kitchen, including a very quiet and somber Skylar, and Mom went over the rules and handed out information. The game was very entertaining and Slick kept cornering me trying to intimidate me, but I continually threatened to burn him with my cigarette so he backed off. Doc was the same way, but more handsy, so I made good on my threats with him. I was kind of surprised by the outcome, but not entirely. I’m just glad I wasn’t killed. Everyone took off after the game ended and I chatted with Court and Pat for quite a while in the driveway before they took off too. Things were better between K & S by then so that was good and we all went to bed soon after that.

Thursday 11/22, Aubrie and I were up early, before 8, to go to Mom’s Jazzercise class. Aubrie called Kassie, who had arrived with Skylar in the middle of the night, to tell her to get up for the class then drama ensued but everything was eventually ok via Dad calming her tears. Aubrie and I headed out to pick up Nichole. As we were walking down to Mom’s center we could hear her talking about us, by name, so we hid until the song ended then went in and Mom started gushing and everyone turned around and looked at us. The next song picked up and so did the jazzercising. I worked up a sweat in no time, then Dad and Kassie showed up and we could see her coming down too and Mom couldn’t believe 3 out of 4 had showed up. Alishia was the last to show up but we were all there. I felt some of my muscles really getting worked and was sweaty by the end. Kassie can attest as she accidentally stuck her arm in my armpit and exclaimed “ewww!” and wiped it back on me. We laughed and joked and she made fun of my moves, and unfortunately Dad got some of them on film. After the session we got up on stage for pictures and many women came up and talked to us about how great mom is. We all made our way back to the house and Dad made French Toast for breakfast. Ian sent me a message on myspace semi-teasing me about LPC’s comment, which I confirmed to him that I had no idea what it meant, and we chatted for a little while and it just made me realize how much I missed him and wish I could be around him more often. Sigggh. We all hung out and did our own thing and I decided to go on a walk and Kassie accompanied me for a block before we ran into Skylar and she turned back. I did a lap or two then headed home where I showered. Chelsea and Jonathan showed up and we all meeted and greeted then sat around talking and eating. Alishia and Aubrie returned with Felicia who ended up being very helpful in the kitchen unlike the rest of us girls. The football game was on so the boys settled on the couch watching that and Aubrie and I alternated between myspace-ing and quizzing Jonathan about his various movies and shows and other personal facts we’d tracked down on imdb. Later in the day we watched lots of home videos and that was pretty fun, but I’m guessing not so much for the non-family members, especially Jonathan, who kept disappearing to the motorhome. Dinner was ready at 9, I had guessed 9:30, and we all sat down and chowed down. It was all really good and I still couldn’t tell the difference between the two turkeys. Jonathan assured us our family wasn’t weird and Skylar backed him up and said families that are quiet at Thanksgiving are weird not families that are loud and close to each other, so that was nice. Mom and Dad went to bed a little after 10 while the rest of us kids watched Jonathan’s show and it was pretty good. Some of us had peach cobbler with ice cream and after it was over I went upstairs to go to bed after it was over and everyone else pretty much followed suit as well.

Wednesday 11/21, Alishia called and woke me up at 9:20 so both Aubs and I got up and we started making phone calls, well I did, to VSP and Costco and eye doctor offices to try and get her in and finally got her an appt 20 minutes from when I called. The guy was a little sketch and behind the times but we got done what needed to get done. We headed home for 5 minutes then took off to meet Mom to pick up lunch then headed over to Alishia's work and chowed down and reminisced. Afterward Aubrie and I headed home and I took off for a walk, did two laps, then chilled with Aubrie in the granny flat listening to music. Dad came home and was going to send us out in the Denali to the mall so I took a shower and got ready but Aubrie decided to go with Nichole instead so I hung upstairs uploading pictures and playing on the net. Mom had some time to kill before Jazzercise so she was working on the party stuff and I helped glue clues and parts on construction paper while Dad surfed the net for car parts in the family room. Finally A & N returned and we hung out upstairs waiting for it to be time to go to dinner. We researched Chels' bf on imdb and figured out all the things we would quiz him on for Thanksgiving dinner. We headed off to the Wokery for dinner and secured a nice big table. Mom followed shortly after and eventually Alishia and Aaron showed. We ate a ton and laughed hysterically when Dad came up with the term "paint the rim" and I thought it was so funny I had to write it down. We also talked about Dad squatting over dog shit with his jean cut off shorts and hiking boots after Aubs stood up with her pants unbuttoned and Dad told Mom that Aubrie and Kassie take after her influence. We finished up dinner then headed home and watched ANTM where we couldn't believe they would ever put Heather in the bottom two. After that we watched the rerun of GG and I drooled over Chuck while they made gagging noises. Around 11 I turned in.

Tuesday 11/20, I got off work early and headed straight home where I found Alix waiting for me. I finished packing and showed her the ropes and we were off to the airport. It wasn't long before we hit an insane amount of traffic because of an accident "Midspan". Luckily we made it to the airport in less than an hour thanks to the carpool lane. I checked my baggage curbside, zipped through security in less than 20 minutes and made it to my gate. I had a bagel sandwich then made some calls: Dad, Alix, Kassie, Susan, Eric and Ian. I was talking to Ian while waiting to board and just as I was hanging up with him and starting to sit down he was like "I miss you" and I was like "Aww, I miss you too" and it made me so happy. Usually I'm the one that says stuff like that on the phone so it just really made my night. I <3 him. I read and listened to music the whole flight, which got into the gate 15 minutes early, got my luggage super quick, like the fastest ever for San Diego, and met Dad and Aubrie standing at the baggage claim. Aubrie and I were gabbing and kidding around with each other in no time. The three of us laughed and joked all the way home. We found Mom vacuuming and her and Dad went to bed not too much later. Aubrie and I stayed up on our computers watching Miami Ink and surfing the net.

Monday 11/19, I worked a little late then went home and started packing. I talked to Dad then Susan. I watched Dancing with the Stars and Bachelor then tied up a few loose ends before going to bed.

Sunday 11/18, I woke up around 10 but I knew Ian would be tired and probably not feeling 100% so I went back to sleep a little until Kassie called. I told her I'd call her back and fell back asleep for an hour or so then got up and called her back. There had been drama with Mom and she filled me in as I burrowed in the papasan with pillows over me. I told her a little about the drama with Ian and Zeph and she said she knew what that was like, then I told her Ian wasn't feeling good and was hung over so she told me to go give him a snuggle, so that's precisely what I did. He welcomed me under the covers and latched onto my body with the blankets wrapped around us. We laid there for a little while then he made a move to get up so I showered and got ready while he hung with Ryan watching video games and reading a magazine. We eventually took off for something to eat and got a little lost but found Kyla's Dad's house in the process and eventually settled on Thai. He started eating but it wasn't sitting well so he picked while I wolfed mine down. We took the scenic route home and passed where the crazy girl he was seeing at Christmas lives. He asked me if I would cuddle with him before leaving, so we both removed our pants and crawled into bed. One thing led to another and a good 45 minutes later I was getting dressed and packed up. It was dark out, which is what I was trying to avoid, but I guess I didn't do a very good job. He watched as I got into my car and drove away and I instantly started feeling like I was getting a bladder infection and realized I would have to stop on my way up to go to the bathroom. I waited as long as I could then hit a McD's and grabbed a small cone and kept on my way. I had to stop again south of Tacoma which pissed me off but I had no choice and kept chugging water then almost got in a fight with a 19 year old frat boy type in an Audi. I yelled at his dumb ass and told his gf to settle the fuck down. I eventually made it up to Susan's where she had Jacquesy and his stuff ready. I didn't stick around for long because I felt like shit and was tired and wanted to get home but I thanked her and hit the road home. I made it and texted Ian then watched some tv on and off before going to bed.

Saturday 11/17, We woke up semi-late and I showered then we took off for something to eat. The sun was out, though it was a little chilly, so we walked around Selwood for a second before settling on some local little brewery that's known for good burgers. We snagged the booth in the back and chit chatted away while eating our burgers (yum). Since the weather was nice we decided to walk and went down by the funeral home and mausoleum and talked about how creepy it is, then stood and looked out over the bluff at the wetlands and both had our hoods up and kissed and he told me I looked cute. We continued walking and ended up on a bench looking over another part of the bluff. I asked him about exes and what he was attracted to in each one or appreciated and it was interesting for sure and we just cuddled close because it was cold, though sunny. At one point as we were talking he looked at me with a surprised expression and was like “Oh my god!” then instantly flicked what I could tell at the last moment was a huge spider off my leg. I shrieked and buried my head in his shoulder and continued to freak out for a few minutes and he was like “Did you see how big it was?!” and I sure did. So we continue talking then his sister calls and he’s telling her about it and I’m playing with the stick he gave me when I look down and see ANOTHER F-ING SPIDER crawling up my leg. I freak out and flick it off with the stick and Ian’s like, “You won’t believe this…” We sat there for a little while longer then walked back to his car talking about intelligence tests and how kids inherit iq from their parents. We headed downtown over to NW to do some shopping and exploring. It took a while to find parking and we hit the main drag up to Urban Outfitters where I helped him pick out some new faded black jeans that looked so sexy on him. I resisted buying anything due to my lack of having any money to spend on anything. We strolled down the street again back toward the car debating gelato and ice cream then I sneakily suggested Dairy Queen so when we got back to his place we walked up and both got blizzards and noticed the heavy conversation happening just outside the door. We walked back eating our blizzard and chatting it up. We watched episodes of Flight of the Concords and the Office and I was back and forth with Zeph trying to make plans with him to grab coffee while keeping in mind that we were going to meet up with Nick and Lauren for the evening for some socializing and partying down. We finally decided he was going to come to Ian’s and we would go from there. I watched Ian as he worked a little on a flyer that he needed to have done by Monday. Zeph showed up and had this enormous thick red beard and all I could do was exclaim what a massive beard it was. He came in and met Ian and they talked about his computer for a minute then we took off so Ian could get some work done. We took Zeph’s car, which runs on biodiesel of course, which really impressed me and we talked about getting grown up cars with automatic locks and stereos that don’t skip when you go over a bump so that was really cute. We parked and found Ugly Mug really easily and marveled at how intuitive Zeph had been in the parking place he selected. We got some drinks and settled onto a couch among the scores of imacs and college students. We talked about his last relationship and relationships in general and Ian and seminary courses and the path he would like to take, which was all over my head but I found totally fascinating, work and temporary job situations, biodiesel and a few other topics I’m sure. Oh yes, his beard, and how he had just shampooed it and insisted I feel it. Verdict: very soft. Ian and I had aimed for meeting up with N & L at 9 so at 8:50 I told Z we should head back where we took a few pictures then I headed back up and gave Ian a big kiss and he said I smelled like coffee. Everything seemed fine but then he started acting a little weird and I assumed it had to do with Z but he said he was fine so I quit asking. We took off for Trendy Third again, found decent parking and walked to some martini bar where we snagged a two person table and he started acting ever weirder, so I called him out and he continued to deny but I knew he was bothered by something. Just as he was about to give it up N & L showed up and I was like “Great, perfect timing!” oh well. So they pulled up chairs and we all did greetings and started talking. After a few minutes a bigger table opened up so we hopped ship and Ian and I were next to each other. Lauren and I talked and joked while the boys talked sports for a few minutes. Ian asked me how I was doing and I said great and he said he was too; that he was over it, and I was like “Over what?!” because I kept asking him and he wouldn’t give it up so he said about Z and how I had told him prior that I find Z attractive and used to have a crush on him and I was like “No no no, I used to think he was cute, but if Zeph made a move on me right now and I was single, I wouldn’t act on anything” – purely plutonic. But he still felt insecure though knew that he didn’t need to be and I tried my best to convey that he shouldn’t be worried about anything and that if something’s bothering him he should just tell me. So after that the four of us talked and joked and looked at the fruity drinks options and just enjoyed each other’s company. We stayed there for a couple hours then packed up and stood on a street corner forever trying to decide what to do and eventually settled on Chopsticks for karaoke. We drove separately and talked about the stripper joint and how Ian almost put his foot in his mouth. We arrived at Chopsticks and N & L had already snagged a table right in the front where all the action was. There was dancing and singing and writhing and laughing and pole dancing and stripping of sorts. It was fun. Some guy with his shirt unbuttoned kept looking over and at one point Ian shook his head and was like “No” to them, and I asked what they said and he shrugged and said he didn’t know. So then I notice this guy keeps looking over and he starts to walk over and asks Ian “Would you mind if I danced with your girlfriend?” and Ian’s like “You’ll have to ask her” so then he asks me and I was like “Thank you, but I’m good” and couldn’t believe that had really just happened. Ian’s arm was around me and everything and this guy was undeterred. Then we see him go over to the girl that Nick had told Ian he’d pay $5 if he pinched her butt. Nick put a song in the mix but it never got called because he didn’t contribute to the guy’s retirement fund. There were some good songs, but also some really terrible ones like the Fiddler on the Roof one. We all sang along to Total Eclipse of the Heart and tried to get PDX’s version of Polio Girl on film but even Nick couldn’t figure out how to use the video on my camera. After 1 we decided to take off and as I was following Ian and trying to pinch his butt apparently the shirt unbuttoned guy grabbed my arm (couldn’t feel it because of my heavy parka) and Nick kicked his foot so he tripped. This was apparently relayed to Ian on our way out as I waited by the door then I was asked about it as we walked to the car. Hilarous. We drove home and Ian was drunk so when we got home and crawled into bed he took only his pants off and was making little noises after falling asleep very quickly.

Friday 11/16, I got an email from LPC asking if I wanted to go to the ocean with him that evening and stay in a yurt. I politely declined telling him I was going to PDX to spend the weekend with Ian but inside (and to friends) I was like, "Suck it Nick! You had your chance!" Even if I wasn't seeing Ian I wouldn't succumb to his sniffing around. I've got higher standards for myself than that. I think. Promptly at noon I took off for Portland and made fantastic time. If I hadn't hit traffic in N. Portland I would have been there in under 3 hours. I talked to Mom for a good chunk of time about her visit with Kassie and how that was going. I got to Ian's right at 3:00 and he greeted me with a big smile, hug and kiss. We talked talked talked and watched Flight of the Concords and listened to music and cuddled on his couch perusing things to do in the paper. Finally we decided to head out with no destination in particular in mind. We headed up to where we usually get breakfast and walked around, though it was raining, so we ducked into a coffee shop where we both got hot drinks and sat down to check out movie times. We talked and giggled and eventually headed back out into the rain to go to Powell's, and I met his cousin outside as we just happened to run into him. We both did our own thing, mostly, but would find each other wandering around aimlessly and kiss a little then set back out on our individual quests. We collectively looked at the boob book and it was so crazy...these womens' areolas were huge! The lady with the world record has enormous boobs and Ian couldn't even look he was so traumatized. His response: "I like little ones!" After viewing the bunny suicide calendar we checked out of there and hit Jackpot where he got a new cd then we walked back to the car and headed downtown. It took forever to find parking and we eventually parked far away and walked, which was nice because it gave us a chance to talk about how much we like each other and how we both cherish every moment with the other. He said he's stopped worrying about all of it which is a relief, so that was nice. We were standing on a corner waiting for the light to change and he was like "Do you smell that? Is it natural gas?" and I was looking up at this building with a fire truck and ambulance outside it smelling away and the next thing I know he's halfway across the street and cracked up when he turned around and noticed me still standing there looking at the building with my nose in the air. We walked around looking for places to eat and settled on Pizzicato or something and I had a fantastic slice of the November special and we split a Caesar salad. We sat in the window for people watching but halfway through realized that that went two ways and that passersby could watch us stuff our faces. It was such a fantastic night. We were torn between “Lars and the Real Girl” and “Across the Universe” but LatRG started sooner so we settled on that. We walked around in the theater a bit since we were really early and I pretended we were going to have sex behind a plant since it was so empty in there. We got some sour patch kids and the guy gave Ian more pop than he’s generally instructed to so I told him he is ethical and good for him. We sat outside the theater and Ian asked some people exiting for a thumb and everyone gave thumbs up and raved. We sat talking about anxiety and doing naughty things like theater hopping and other rule breaking activities. We were the first in and got great seats and chatted the whole time waiting for the movie to start. We both loved it but there were these two ladies who laughed at the whole thing, every fucking part, even parts that were intended to be tender or serious and the dumb bitches laughed through all of it. One of their cell phones started ringing too, and Ian was like “Seriously?!” and she was all “Sorry!” uggh. When we got out we walked back to the car and Ian made a few calls to see if anything was going on, but no one answered so we went back to his house and laid on the couch together watching more Flight of the Concords. We cuddled and I started falling asleep, then we started making out, a lot, and Ian suggested moving so we got into bed and, ahem, went to sleep.

Thursday 11/15, I talked to Susan after work then Zeph beeped in and we talked for a long time about Ian and Portland and Seattle so that was fun, then I called Susan back and we talked while she drove home then Eric called so I called him back after I hung up with Susan. We chatted for a few minutes and straightened out what was happening that evening: he had plans to hang with friends and then go to Neighbs, so that was kind of exciting. I called Ian to ask him about Zeph and to firm up plans for my trip down, but he didn't answer so I hopped in the shower then he called right as I was getting out and we chatted for a few minutes. I got ready, packed, gathered J's things for a weekend trip to Auntie Susan's house then packed up the car and hit the road. On the way in I got a call from Kay-See who was crying so hard she could hardly breathe, so I felt awful about that and tried to console her. I told her I needed to drop J but would call her in a little while. Susan helped me get him all situated and was putting the smack down left and right and keeping him in line. I don't know why he meows all the time, he never used to do that, and they say the best thing to do when cats do that is to ignore them...which totally does not work at all with him. He just meows more. A little after 9 I called K and told her I would leave in a few so Susan and I made plans to meet up at 11 and I took off. Luckily parking was better than it's been in a long time so that wasn't a problem, but as soon as I got up to her place she was a crying mess. We talked until 11 and by the end she was laughing and not crying at all and we were discussing all the pros and cons of bfs and potential new bfs and all our list of "wants" and "don't wants" and we agreed on quite a few. I told her she could have Eric since Susan has no interest, but secretly (or maybe not so secretly) I wouldn't like it. I told her I had to run when I realized it was 5 to 11 and dashed out calling Susan on the way making plans to meet up. We met up and walked to Neighbs. It wasn't as busy as last week but there was still a pretty good crowd for 11. We went upstairs to spy and noticed Syphilis then Susan's SP bf, sans ponytail, trying to ignore / avoid us by dancing with some guy. He had his hands over his head and behind his back in no time flat and Susan ordered me to get her a vibrator. We went down to dance a song with our sweatshirts on then stood in the long line to check them and headed back out to the floor right away. I was keeping my eye out for bouncer Eric and at one point Susan spotted him and was like, "Here, switch with me and he'll be right in your line of vision" so we did, but I was looking around and didn't see him and was like "Where?" and she put her hand on the side of my face and turned it to the right and there he was. Looking right at me. Shit! We both cracked up and continued dancing. SP bf was dancing up on the stage and Susan was watching and fanning herself, then Darren showed up and she was about to slip into a coma from the hot gay boy extravaganza. I kept trying to get pictures of SP bf and took one of him and bouncer Eric right as they were walking by but my damn flash wasn’t on! Damn! Risked mortification for nothing! Up on the main stage there were all these long haired dancers, boys and girls alike, I named one of them "Morose" and later got a picture of him in all his moody glory. I thought I spotted this blonde guy who added me to his favorites on myspace so I steered clear of him as I can only assume he was there to stalk me. The songs were pretty good (2nd week in a row Von Trapp played my and Eric’s song in which I shimmied to Susan) but we took a break during one song to stand under the black light...especially since Eric was over there talking to some guy. A little before 1 we decided to head out, got our coats and said bye to bouncer Eric. As we were walking down the alley we passed two people and when I looked up I noticed that one of them was Eric and was like "Hey!" and he was saying that he couldn't find a ride and kept saying it. I told him we were going home and we chatted for a minute or two more, then the girl he was with gave me us flyers for a vibrator party or something, we hugged and we were off. I was a little disappointed and probably should have gone back in for a song or two to be sociable but in the moment didn't feel like it so we took off for home.

Wednesday 11/14, I stopped by the costume display store on my way home to see if they had any good saloon madame costumes, but they didn't so I went home empty handed. I did some light cleaning when I got home and looked forward to a quiet evening in with ANTM and Gossip Girl. I fixed some dinner and talked to Susan on the phone for a while. When I went upstairs to check my cell I had two missed calls, one from Sos and one from Kay-See. Both messages sounded stressed and were requesting my company for the evening. I called Sos first and listened to her vent about her job and told her if Kay-See didn't come over I would hustle it over to her place for ANTM. I called K next and she wanted to bring ice cream over and talk so I told her that sounded great. Mom called to discuss the murder mystery party and Grandma then ANTM was on so she let me go. K showed up about 15 minutes into it and we talked so I didn't watch most of it. She was having boy drama and I had to lay some of it out for her and she told me some stories that didn't make me happy and hopefully she'll get this taken care of fairly quickly because I'm sick of it. Anyway, we had a good time talking and laughing and venting then R called from her front door when she never told him to come over so that extra sketched me out and she left not too long after and I wished her good luck. I wrote Ian a quick little myspace message then updated this and went to bed.

Tuesday 11/13, LPC wrote to me to tell me he liked my profile picture and also to ask my opinion about getting a PA for his Landcruiser. I found this to be very odd, yet interesting. I corresponded with him a little back and forth, but mostly just wondered why the hell he was writing me. At home I hurriedly showered and got ready then headed out for my waxing appointment. I talked to Mom and Kassie on the way in to find out how it was going so far and Mom said it's "out there". I had to park a few blocks away and had a different girl with a high pitched voice that was very thorough. It took longer than it usually does and she had no problem removing the little towel and looking squarely at my crotch. I was like "Oh...um, ok" but I'm sure she's seen it all so I wasn't going to get bent out of shape over it. You’ve seen one crotch you’ve seen em all. After the ripping was through I went to Kay-See's for Tuesday night club and to enjoy breakfast for dinner. I brought my waffle iron and her and R got right down to it when I arrived. She also made pancakes, Denver scramble thing, apple cider syrup and raspberry and blueberry jam. I ate way too much of course but it was so good and it's been a while since I've had waffles or pancakes. I talked with Bethany and Jenny quite a bit and they asked me about LPC and I gave them the low down then they busted my chops about seeing two people at once and I said it's fine as long as you own it. Everyone was howling though, it was funny. The Super Nintendo was hooked up and we watched Bethany and Florin play a few rounds and laughed at Florin's commentary. We gave Kay-See a hard time for having jizz on her shirt then somehow got on the topic that that's the secret ingredient in her Mom's pancakes, which gives them that special texture and consistency. At 9 I took off for home, got a random call (what I thought was a pocket call) from Ian but then noticed that it was a song (he was at a concert) he put on one of the cds he made me so that made me smile. He ended up calling me about a half hour later to tell me he almost got his ass kicked by a bunch of angry lesbians. He was trying to tell me something about this weekend but I couldn't hear so he said he would talk to me later. I watched the news then went to sleep.

Monday 11/12, I decided to work a half day instead of taking the whole thing off so that I can leave early the next time I go down to Portland. I called Eric to see if he wanted to go out to Carnation since I know he has Mondays off but he somehow got suckered into working but expressed that he really wished he could. When I got home I ate some lunch and laid on the couch in front of the tv watching bad tv court shows and started a fire. I totally fell asleep then woke up and decided there was no real reason I needed to be up so I allowed myself to fall back asleep in a half sitting up position. I usually can't sleep like that at all but I was so comfortable. Eventually I woke up again and it was like 4 so I got up and went down to the garage to organize and load boxes into my car for Jim then back upstairs and restarted my fire which I totally got blazing. I knew Ian wouldn't believe me so I took a picture. I continued to lay on the couch and be so lazy that I'm ashamed of myself then ate popcorn and yogurt for dinner. Real healthy Karrah! Hmm, I watched Dancing with the Stars (ashamed again) and sat in my room until it was time to go to bed.

Sunday 11/11, Kassie and I slept in and she ended up out of bed before I did because I was feeling lazy and decided to play on my computer and read and stuff instead. She left and I hung out until it was time to go over to Mom's for lunch. I was the only one that showed up and I ate way way too much food, which worried me because I was supposed to go hiking with Sos and Kay-See but it didn't happen. I wasn't surprised, but a little disappointed. I hung there with Mom and Dad and Mom fell asleep so we sent her upstairs. Dad and I talked about self-worth and relationships and how the two are linked and friends' relationships and school and his party and all sorts of other interesting things. I stayed fairly late then Gerry showed up so I talked with him about Amelia for a little while then took off for home. I vegetated for the rest of the night in front of the tv and probably played with my cat.

Saturday 11/10, Called the dr at 7:45 and scheduled an appt for 10 then went back to sleep. Susan called and we made plans for brunch after my thing. I set out and arrived early and luckily they got me going and diagnosed quickly and I was out of there in no time. I called Susan and met at her house where she gave me a bunch of goodies and we set out for 14 Carrot. We parked right by LPC’s house and walked up, got a table right away and started reviewing the wonderful menu. We both changed our minds about 3 times about what we were going to get but finally settled and ordered from Kev who acted excited about what Susan was getting. We talked while waiting and chowed down when our food came, even eating off each other’s plates. Like any set of wives would naturally. We hit Louisa’s next and both picked up a little treat and walked back to the car. Ian texted me then again when we got back to Susan’s, so I packed up my goodies from her and headed out calling Ian on my way home. I told him about my prognosis and we talked about our plans for the day. I went to pick up my prescriptions then more food for J at the vet’s office. Kassie was still home when I got there so we sat in her room and talked and played with J who was in love with all the tissue paper and his frog toy. We laughed a lot and I played Elvis Perkins for her and we talked about plans for the evening and for her taking J down to CA. She took off and I think I hung out and didn’t do much until it was time to get ready and head over to Mom’s. I stopped and got some ice then was tracked down by Kassie on 72nd while I talked to her and was like “Who is this jackass on my ass?!” not realizing until I’d said it that it was her. When I walked in Maddie was standing there and I was like “What are you doing here?!” and it turns out her and Uncle David surprised Dad for his party along with Uncle Gerry. Crazy! We helped a little bit get the party set up but the caterer and Mom had done most of it so there wasn’t much except to get the music going. People started arriving and it was actually a really fun party. I got to see all these friends of Dad’s who I haven’t seen in ages due to not living at home anymore and not being 12 and required to attend dinners. I talked to Dan and Teri about UPS and why it’s such a wonderful school and would be a perfect fit for D, who I can’t believe is applying to colleges. I said I would meet with them or go down with them to look at it. I also talked with Rick about life and Cassidy and Ian and he’s just so great to talk to. So compassionate. I also got a lot of face time in with Chip and Monique which is always hilarious, then Uncle David (Q not M) told Kassie and me about how Josh Charles was asking if we were going to be at Dad’s party and he said yes but that he could never touch us. I was all “Oh come on Uncle David, a little making out never hurt anyone” and he put his fingers in his ears and was all “La la la la la” but we all thought it was hilarious. Apparently he’s got places in both LA and NY. Blue had been asking too, which we are both amused by. Hmm, what else? Peggy showed up a bit tipsy but in a great mood and asked what the hell I was doing working for her and that I should go off and be a model…um, yeah. I talked with Amy and Josh and Amy’s mom, whose name I unfortunately can never remember despite having met her, oh I don’t know, 46 times. Shame on me. All the sibs convened down in Alix’s room and took some pictures with a specific goal in mind, then we all heard a weird convo between David and Hillary but didn’t know the context. Eventually most of the people left and it was just Mom, Dad, David and Gerry and we sat talking about pets and David commented that Toto’s legs are “fucked up” which had us all laughing. I took off around 11 and caught SNL in time to find out it was an f-ing rerun. Booo! Fell asleep with it on.

Friday 11/9, I decided on a low key evening because I was tired but also because I was picking Kay-See up from the airport around midnight. I talked to Mom for a bit and she let me get back to sleep. K texted that she had landed around 11:15 so I took off and waited in the cell lot until it was time to get her curbside. We hit traffic right outside the airport due to a huge accident involving two semis and a car that had run right underneath one of them…I’m not sure how anyone could have survived it. I heard all about her business trip to TX then filled her in on my night with Eric and things with Ian and she was a bit shocked, though entertained, by Eric stories. I dropped her at R’s and drove home and went to bed. I wasn’t feeling 100% so I decided I would make a dr appt in the morning.

Thursday 11/8, I talked to Susan then Mom after work then called Eric and made plans to hang out. I showered and started getting ready then ate some broccoli and zucchini for dinner and finished getting ready. I hit the road later than I had wanted to but made it to his house before 8. I talked to Ian on the way in and we had a great conversation and he was thankfully feeling better and I gave him some cranberry tips cultivated from Susan. It was just really great to talk to him for 20 minutes or so and laugh and feel that connection over the phone because that's all we have. I got to Eric's and we sat in the living room talking about Phil and that sad Adam Sandler movie with Michelle for a few minutes then went downstairs and hung out in his "den". He put on some music and we sat talking on the couch then he showed me his "sea walk" or as I like to call it his "sea dance" and he even used props and turned the lights off. It was a lot of hype for not a lot of action. It was funny anyway. We just sat talking and he told me how he feels about me and was honest about EVERYTHING that happened between us and how his friends played into it and didn't play into it and how he feels about me now and his objective with all of this, which has me a bit nervous. There was a lot of dirty talk but I tried to laugh most of it off as that's not why I went over there and because, despite our lack of defining what we're doing, I feel like I'm with Ian and need to focus on that. Eric didn't like that Ian won't call himself my bf and that if he's not my bf then why can't we make out? And if he is my bf then why am I over there being a "tease"? It wasn't all serious, we had a good time laughing and reminiscing and my favorite line from the whole night was "Ohhh, you're hurting my balls!" which was a totally random and loud declaration apparently because he was all riled up from my smile. And that piece of my side showing. We watched a skate video for a while and he showed me the Leavenworth park and the one that was right by his house in Louisville and how he was on the sidelines watching while they were taping. He got out a photo album that had two of the pictures he took from our Leavenworth trip in it and that made me smile and I realized just how much he knows he fucked up. He said he wants me so badly now because he can't have me...which I feel a bit conflicted about...there was lots of other stuff but I'm not going to write it on here. It was about 10:35 so I decided to take off and after multiple hugs downstairs he walked me out to my car and the hugs continued, so I don't really know...um, yeah...who knows. I drove up to the Hill and parked and waited for Susan, then we walked to Neighbs talking about my evening with Eric and Susan didn’t seem to approve, but was glad I behaved myself. It was packed when we went in, which shocked us because it hasn't been that packed at 11 in a long time. Susan and I decided it was going to be a magical night because of how many of our bfs / regulars / "exes" were there. Let's see, there was her new gay bf Chris, Dick, Syphilis, SPM (with hair not in a ponytail which we found to be distracting) who we think was sitting out a lot because he was on his period, Susan's clapping bf, Socks and Sandals, Asscrack, Awkward getting it on with some random guy, Polio girl who was talking to Dick before Syphilis moved in and Bouncer Eric who was still sporting his shiner though it looked much better. Right when we got there we went upstairs to observe then decided to check our coats and I accidentally made eye contact and smiled at Dick, aughhhh! Susan cracked up, but I totally didn't mean to. Out on the floor we saw Chris and he liked my necklace though he wanted me to wear it down my back like he would. I told Susan that her "Flashlight bf" was coming and she was like "I don't think so, he's made his intentions perfectly clear" but I still don't want him. We had a really good time dancing to some decent songs and laughing, especially when that weird hat guy on stage was making out with some girl and Susan was like "What the hell...is going on there...?" and we both laughed so hard. Moppet showed up about 10 minutes before we were going to leave and invited me to Chloe's birthday party on Saturday then asked me when I'm coming down to LA, and I don't know how to not be nice to him or whatever, like, "Um, never" but I know he's a nice guy and doesn't deserve that, I'm just not interested. Susan spotted Teal in a cute hat but we didn’t say hi and left not too much after. I felt a little bad ditching Moppet but at the same time prayed that he wouldn’t invite me to that party via myspace. We walked to our cars and took off.

Wednesday 11/7, I started getting ready not too long after I got home in preparation for hanging out with Susan, hitting Victrola and seeing the Harborrats and Mulally play. I talked to Susan after I got out of the shower and told her I would leave when I was ready...which ended up taking me quite a while. I guess I took my sweet ass time...plus I ate a ton for dinner so that took some time as well. I talked to Sos and we're going to make plans to meet up for lunch next week and see her office. I was finally on my way out the door and called Chrystol to find out when she was going to be there and got all excited about it, especially since she said she wanted to talk about Ian. <3.>

Thursday 11/1, Peggy let me leave early so I busted ass when I got home but didn't get as much done as I would have liked. I guess I slacked a little bit, but I did get my bathroom cleaned, including the floor, mopped the stairs, vacuumed the other stairs, living room and the upstairs and did a bunch of laundry. I talked to Sos who will come over Friday to help move my entertainment center upstairs and hang around to see Ian. Ian and I chatted for a few minutes via skype and made a date to cam it up a little later. I made a bunch of veggies for dinner and they were delicious! I then made a smoothie for dessert and it was excellent too! I continued cleaning shit and by 8:45 or so we had a little video date and he looked adorable again and it was just really fun. When we were saying bye he kissed the little camera which I found to be so cute I almost keeled over. I finished up some things, hopped in the shower, made plans with Susan for later, got ready and had about 20 minutes to decompress before needing to leave the house for dancing. We arrived a bit earlier than usual but what we found totally shocked us: a completely empty Neighbours. It was so weird. We sat upstairs for a long time observing Awkward, "Sebastian", Tye, Susan's clapping bf and some other random regulars. Pretty soon my outfit changing bf showed up and I squealed with delight. He was wearing many layers which guaranteed a night full of different combinations of clothing. Susan saw some white pants out of her peripheral and she snarled that it was A and that those white pants are so gay. We went down to dance and flew over to where Tye was and said hi and talked to him about Noc Noc's 80's Night and I might be down to try it out one night, we'll see. We checked our coats then hit the floor but I was freezing so we migrated toward the middle of the floor to try and avoid the fan. I kept my monocle on A and he eventually came over to say hi but Susan blew him off even though he didn't notice. Some drunk guy was dancing / swaying all over the place and kicked my ankle which Susan laughed manically at, but it was pretty funny and I kept kicking things all night in an effort to imitate what he did to my ankle. We took a break during some bad song and were standing on the sidelines when Eric came over (bouncer Eric, not Eric Eric) and started chatting with us asking us how we were then I asked him about his shiner and told him it made him look tough, and he was all "That means I went from being cute to looking tough, which means I got uglier" and I was like "No no no, you can be both!" but then I was like (internally) "Wait a second, are you straight?" I always thought there was a good chance he was straight but this conversation pretty much convinced Susan and I of his heterosexuality. He kind of just stood there smiling and I didn't really know what else to say, so he kind of crept away but I kept my eye on him for the rest of the night and Susan would notify me when he was right behind me so I could show off my best (read: sluttiest) dance moves. So we're dancing away again, and I spot SPM and soon he goes skipping by us and all over the club, and we both agreed that that's one of the most bizarre things we've seen there, though extremely entertaining. Soon he took his place up on stage and both of us watched him intently and soon Susan was falling for him and wanted to tell her all about her period. We joked that he would sense that I have mine and would want to comfort me and that she would try to butt in saying she had hers too, but he's so intuitive that he would know she really didn't. We had so much fun laughing and coming up with scenarios with our respective bfs, it was hilarious. We moved closer to the stage so we could have a better view, Susan's was straight on, mine was in the mirror, and he's seriously so good. That footwork is something to be admired. Susan was getting all hot and bothered and I want to ask Michael if he's gay or not, but Susan would rather find out through much more difficult means...involving Richie and me pinching his butt and gauging his reaction. There was some cute black hoodie guy dancing next to us but Susan only "Mehh"d him. We left right around 12:30 just like we had decided earlier, parted ways and drove home.

Wednesday 10/31, Kay-See asked me in the morning if I wanted to come over for dinner and cupcake decorating and I was all about that since I haven't seen her in a while and she was trying to get Michelle to join in the festivities as well. I did some grocery shopping after work and picked up some items K had requested, then home. K called and asked if I minded if she invited R, but I knew he was already there and I wasn't very excited about it. It was supposed to be a girls' night and now I knew it wasn't really going to be...especially since I had lots of stories to tell. I don't want to have to censor myself around a boy. I told Susan and she compared it to when I ditched K to go over to Nick's and K told me I kind of sucked...I kind of felt the same way but kept it to myself and was determined to make the best of it. I talked to Sos as well and she was upset with me for not calling her on Sunday when I was a wreck and that I'm not a burden and I need to call her when I'm feeling down and like a complete mess. I took off for K's and it took me quite a while to find parking, which is unusual, but eventually I did and headed up. R was playing video games and K was cooking / baking up a storm. Dinner was really good and I was pretty impressed with the sausages I picked up. I told K most of my stories but kept getting interrupted so I know they weren't as seamless as they could have been. Oh well. R played a trick on K involving a big fake spider on her shoulder and a bug in her drink and I felt like a bad friend for not telling her, but it did explain why he kept asking for a fucking banana and apple. Hmmm, what else? We looked at pictures on flickr and got all excited for Ky to come home and how we're going to celebrate her birthday and how Ky will react to R so it should all be pretty interesting. K made a pumpkin loaf and I've always turned my nose up to anything pumpkin flavored but I decided to expand my horizons, plus it smelled really good, and sure enough it was very tasty, especially with cream cheese slathered on the top. I left around 10 and called Ian, but received no answer, then saw him online when I got home so we chatted for a few a la skype then I showered and went to bed.

Tuesday 10/30, Continued on my cleaning quest but didn't get too far because I'm a slacker. I went to the mall to return some earrings and picked up some free underwear at VS then back home for a bullshit recap and behind the scenes episode of Beauty and the Geek. I think I chatted with Ian a little on skype. No web cam though. He sent me one of the flyers he finished and it's so cute with pink flowers and blue birds. (Begin blogger deletion)

Monday 10/29, What the fuck happened to Monday?! Blogger deleted my Monday! Uggg, I'm pissed because I know I wrote a huge entry here and it's gone. I picked up a webcam after work and set it up on my computer but when Ian and I attempted to chat he couldn't hear me so we talked on our phones and watched each other. He looked so cute, I remember that. I don't remember what we talked about though. Fucking blogger, deleting my entry! Bahhh!

Sunday 10/28, I woke up feeling less than enthusiastic about getting out of bed. I ended up staying in until about noon watching tv and going online and noticing a severe lack of communication from Ian which resulted in me crying all f-ing day while listening to Cut and Run. I don't even really remember most of it, I talked to Kay-See about the situation then I think I got up and out of bed then grabbed Harper's birthday presents and headed to Mom's to wrap the presents and her asking me what was going on which made me tear up as I tried to explain but didn't want to get too into it. I was on my way into Seattle, parked, put on my happy face, met some peeps on my way in and was greeted by the birthday boy as soon as I walked in. I met some funny people but mostly just felt awkward about being there alone and not really knowing anyone except Beth, Jason and H plus Bill and Beth who were pulling duty watching the babies. I stayed for a little over an hour then snuck out and headed back to Mom's. Listening to more Electrelane in the car didn't help matters with me crying all day. At Mom's we had a nice dinner and it was probably the highlight of my day because my mind was elsewhere. I took Grandma home then cried all the way back to my place, called Susan and then Eric who told me to try harder with Ian and accepted my apology for freaking out. Repeat after me Karrah: Lower the expectations. Watched the home makeover show then showered and received a text, finally, from Ian that was all cute. I was totally shocked. I called him and asked him if we were ok and he said he thought so then we talked for a good half hour while I cried some more then laughed and the bottom line is that everything is good and he's coming up next weekend. We talked about Eric and us and where we're going and how well we fit each other and the possibility of web camming it up. Hung up and went to bed, without crying. Yay!

Saturday 10/27, I woke up at 8 but stayed in bed until about 10 then got up and started getting ready for the day. I called Sos to see if she wanted to go for a walk and she suggested Marymoor after lunch, but I was feeling antsy so I went on my short walk. The sun was warm and I need to get my fill while it's still showing it's beautiful face. I reheated some pizza when I got home and watched some tv while eating, then Sos came by and picked me up and off we went to the park. The dog park there is incredible and we spent a good hour and a half walking around and throwing the ball for Anu in various fields. We talked about Ian and Eric and Jake and kids and varying parenting views then packed up and hit the road back to my house. Eric called while we were in the car and said he thought he would be getting off at 5:00 and that he would call me then to make plans. Sos dropped me off and wished me good luck. I finally showered and got ready for the day and went to Walgreens to order prints and pick up a watch battery. I couldn't get the damn cover back on my watch so I went to Mom and Dad's to have Dad help me with it and to wait until 6:30 which is when I was supposed to pick Eric up. He called me a little after 6 and told me he was off and to come down, so I wrapped up my conversation with Ma and Pa and headed out. I sent Ian a text that I was thinking about him but didn't hear back, which was odd, as well as not hearing back from him after I sent him a hilarious masturbation video Susan showed me so I was starting to feel a bit nervous, like, is he pulling away? Is this his equivalent of breaking up with me? Aughhh! Anyway, I made it down to this little Mexican place and Eric advised me of some 30 minutes spots in the alley and I totally hit the parking jackpot with a spot right outside the front door. Nice. I went in and he was sitting at the bar drinking and eating chips and salsa. We sat there for quite a while talking and busting each other's chops, but there was some definite flirting. He kept touching my collar bone saying that I have such nice skin and I would just smile and say thank you. We talked about Ian and he didn't know Ian lives in Portland and was like "I don't know about that" but also asked how into him I was, I told him very, and we discussed my not really knowing where we stand but didn't get into it too much because I didn't know how much he actually wanted to be talking about it. He had a Stranger so we perused for something to do but eventually settled on going to my house to make some dinner and watch a movie. We hit the road in my bitch ass car to go pick up his stuff. His roommates were home and they all started talking about the crazy party the night before and Eric asked if Michelle had brought him home but she said no, so he doesn't even know how he ended up in his bed, yikes. We all sat there talking for about an hour then they left and we went downstairs so he could pack up his stuff, including some pictures to fix up his myspace. I thought I saw a condom wrapper on his bed and he was like "Uh uh, no way, NO WAY!" because some guy had slept in the basement the night before and people had been in and out of the house for the past few days, but when he switched on the light we saw it was a pack of matches. I was like, "Oh I just figured it was yours" and he was like, "No, I'd tell you if I was getting some…and I'm not" so that takes care of that. We headed upstairs and he was like, "Oh, I have to grab one more thing" so I was waiting and when he reemerged he was holding a bag of weed and I was like "Are you serious?" and he was, so then I threw some sort of temper tantrum, and he was insistent on smoking and I debated between leaving and staying but it soon became evident that I wasn't taking him to my house, I was pissed. Or, just irrirtated. Why? WHYYYYY? Why the drinking and drugs? Why can't we just have a good time without all the extra bullshit? Must I always come in second behind the beer and weed? I guess so. We sat there for a while talking but he knew I was pissed and he expressed a similar feeling based on my reaction, so there we were. I probably stayed another 45 minutes, during which time the roomies came back and I finally peaced out. He walked me outside and I told him I know that's who he is, I'm just not comfortable around it and we hugged a couple times and talked about the full moon and how it always reminds me of him and Plain and he agreed then said he had to go because it was conjuring up some memories. It was about 11:30. I cried all the way home listening to Electrelane and thinking about Ian and thinking he was in the process of breaking up with me and how he hadn't responded to my cute text with a similarly cute message. It was a bizarre night.

Friday 10/26, I had big plans for my first fire place fire for my Friday evening. I tidied a little in preparation of Susan coming over then started my fire up. It was sooo wonderful. Why have I not done this in the past 3 years?! I wrote a little email to Ian in front of the fireplace and J came and joined me to get warm, then Susan showed up and we sat there talking and warming ourselves. I put a veggie pizza in the oven and we talked while we waited for it to be done. We stuffed ourselves with pizza then started in on the bag of mini Oreos Sos brought over the week prior. We turned on the tv and watched Danny Bonaduce on Dr. Phil and commented on what a train wreck he is. Eric called around 8:30 and asked me what I was doing the next night and we made plans to hang out. After Dr. Phil was over we watched a Mormon special on Oprah and shook our heads for most of it. Susan left a little before it was over and I finished watching it then went up to my room and went to bed.