Thursday 11/1, Peggy let me leave early so I busted ass when I got home but didn't get as much done as I would have liked. I guess I slacked a little bit, but I did get my bathroom cleaned, including the floor, mopped the stairs, vacuumed the other stairs, living room and the upstairs and did a bunch of laundry. I talked to Sos who will come over Friday to help move my entertainment center upstairs and hang around to see Ian. Ian and I chatted for a few minutes via skype and made a date to cam it up a little later. I made a bunch of veggies for dinner and they were delicious! I then made a smoothie for dessert and it was excellent too! I continued cleaning shit and by 8:45 or so we had a little video date and he looked adorable again and it was just really fun. When we were saying bye he kissed the little camera which I found to be so cute I almost keeled over. I finished up some things, hopped in the shower, made plans with Susan for later, got ready and had about 20 minutes to decompress before needing to leave the house for dancing. We arrived a bit earlier than usual but what we found totally shocked us: a completely empty Neighbours. It was so weird. We sat upstairs for a long time observing Awkward, "Sebastian", Tye, Susan's clapping bf and some other random regulars. Pretty soon my outfit changing bf showed up and I squealed with delight. He was wearing many layers which guaranteed a night full of different combinations of clothing. Susan saw some white pants out of her peripheral and she snarled that it was A and that those white pants are so gay. We went down to dance and flew over to where Tye was and said hi and talked to him about Noc Noc's 80's Night and I might be down to try it out one night, we'll see. We checked our coats then hit the floor but I was freezing so we migrated toward the middle of the floor to try and avoid the fan. I kept my monocle on A and he eventually came over to say hi but Susan blew him off even though he didn't notice. Some drunk guy was dancing / swaying all over the place and kicked my ankle which Susan laughed manically at, but it was pretty funny and I kept kicking things all night in an effort to imitate what he did to my ankle. We took a break during some bad song and were standing on the sidelines when Eric came over (bouncer Eric, not Eric Eric) and started chatting with us asking us how we were then I asked him about his shiner and told him it made him look tough, and he was all "That means I went from being cute to looking tough, which means I got uglier" and I was like "No no no, you can be both!" but then I was like (internally) "Wait a second, are you straight?" I always thought there was a good chance he was straight but this conversation pretty much convinced Susan and I of his heterosexuality. He kind of just stood there smiling and I didn't really know what else to say, so he kind of crept away but I kept my eye on him for the rest of the night and Susan would notify me when he was right behind me so I could show off my best (read: sluttiest) dance moves. So we're dancing away again, and I spot SPM and soon he goes skipping by us and all over the club, and we both agreed that that's one of the most bizarre things we've seen there, though extremely entertaining. Soon he took his place up on stage and both of us watched him intently and soon Susan was falling for him and wanted to tell her all about her period. We joked that he would sense that I have mine and would want to comfort me and that she would try to butt in saying she had hers too, but he's so intuitive that he would know she really didn't. We had so much fun laughing and coming up with scenarios with our respective bfs, it was hilarious. We moved closer to the stage so we could have a better view, Susan's was straight on, mine was in the mirror, and he's seriously so good. That footwork is something to be admired. Susan was getting all hot and bothered and I want to ask Michael if he's gay or not, but Susan would rather find out through much more difficult means...involving Richie and me pinching his butt and gauging his reaction. There was some cute black hoodie guy dancing next to us but Susan only "Mehh"d him. We left right around 12:30 just like we had decided earlier, parted ways and drove home.

Wednesday 10/31, Kay-See asked me in the morning if I wanted to come over for dinner and cupcake decorating and I was all about that since I haven't seen her in a while and she was trying to get Michelle to join in the festivities as well. I did some grocery shopping after work and picked up some items K had requested, then home. K called and asked if I minded if she invited R, but I knew he was already there and I wasn't very excited about it. It was supposed to be a girls' night and now I knew it wasn't really going to be...especially since I had lots of stories to tell. I don't want to have to censor myself around a boy. I told Susan and she compared it to when I ditched K to go over to Nick's and K told me I kind of sucked...I kind of felt the same way but kept it to myself and was determined to make the best of it. I talked to Sos as well and she was upset with me for not calling her on Sunday when I was a wreck and that I'm not a burden and I need to call her when I'm feeling down and like a complete mess. I took off for K's and it took me quite a while to find parking, which is unusual, but eventually I did and headed up. R was playing video games and K was cooking / baking up a storm. Dinner was really good and I was pretty impressed with the sausages I picked up. I told K most of my stories but kept getting interrupted so I know they weren't as seamless as they could have been. Oh well. R played a trick on K involving a big fake spider on her shoulder and a bug in her drink and I felt like a bad friend for not telling her, but it did explain why he kept asking for a fucking banana and apple. Hmmm, what else? We looked at pictures on flickr and got all excited for Ky to come home and how we're going to celebrate her birthday and how Ky will react to R so it should all be pretty interesting. K made a pumpkin loaf and I've always turned my nose up to anything pumpkin flavored but I decided to expand my horizons, plus it smelled really good, and sure enough it was very tasty, especially with cream cheese slathered on the top. I left around 10 and called Ian, but received no answer, then saw him online when I got home so we chatted for a few a la skype then I showered and went to bed.

Tuesday 10/30, Continued on my cleaning quest but didn't get too far because I'm a slacker. I went to the mall to return some earrings and picked up some free underwear at VS then back home for a bullshit recap and behind the scenes episode of Beauty and the Geek. I think I chatted with Ian a little on skype. No web cam though. He sent me one of the flyers he finished and it's so cute with pink flowers and blue birds. (Begin blogger deletion)

Monday 10/29, What the fuck happened to Monday?! Blogger deleted my Monday! Uggg, I'm pissed because I know I wrote a huge entry here and it's gone. I picked up a webcam after work and set it up on my computer but when Ian and I attempted to chat he couldn't hear me so we talked on our phones and watched each other. He looked so cute, I remember that. I don't remember what we talked about though. Fucking blogger, deleting my entry! Bahhh!

Sunday 10/28, I woke up feeling less than enthusiastic about getting out of bed. I ended up staying in until about noon watching tv and going online and noticing a severe lack of communication from Ian which resulted in me crying all f-ing day while listening to Cut and Run. I don't even really remember most of it, I talked to Kay-See about the situation then I think I got up and out of bed then grabbed Harper's birthday presents and headed to Mom's to wrap the presents and her asking me what was going on which made me tear up as I tried to explain but didn't want to get too into it. I was on my way into Seattle, parked, put on my happy face, met some peeps on my way in and was greeted by the birthday boy as soon as I walked in. I met some funny people but mostly just felt awkward about being there alone and not really knowing anyone except Beth, Jason and H plus Bill and Beth who were pulling duty watching the babies. I stayed for a little over an hour then snuck out and headed back to Mom's. Listening to more Electrelane in the car didn't help matters with me crying all day. At Mom's we had a nice dinner and it was probably the highlight of my day because my mind was elsewhere. I took Grandma home then cried all the way back to my place, called Susan and then Eric who told me to try harder with Ian and accepted my apology for freaking out. Repeat after me Karrah: Lower the expectations. Watched the home makeover show then showered and received a text, finally, from Ian that was all cute. I was totally shocked. I called him and asked him if we were ok and he said he thought so then we talked for a good half hour while I cried some more then laughed and the bottom line is that everything is good and he's coming up next weekend. We talked about Eric and us and where we're going and how well we fit each other and the possibility of web camming it up. Hung up and went to bed, without crying. Yay!

Saturday 10/27, I woke up at 8 but stayed in bed until about 10 then got up and started getting ready for the day. I called Sos to see if she wanted to go for a walk and she suggested Marymoor after lunch, but I was feeling antsy so I went on my short walk. The sun was warm and I need to get my fill while it's still showing it's beautiful face. I reheated some pizza when I got home and watched some tv while eating, then Sos came by and picked me up and off we went to the park. The dog park there is incredible and we spent a good hour and a half walking around and throwing the ball for Anu in various fields. We talked about Ian and Eric and Jake and kids and varying parenting views then packed up and hit the road back to my house. Eric called while we were in the car and said he thought he would be getting off at 5:00 and that he would call me then to make plans. Sos dropped me off and wished me good luck. I finally showered and got ready for the day and went to Walgreens to order prints and pick up a watch battery. I couldn't get the damn cover back on my watch so I went to Mom and Dad's to have Dad help me with it and to wait until 6:30 which is when I was supposed to pick Eric up. He called me a little after 6 and told me he was off and to come down, so I wrapped up my conversation with Ma and Pa and headed out. I sent Ian a text that I was thinking about him but didn't hear back, which was odd, as well as not hearing back from him after I sent him a hilarious masturbation video Susan showed me so I was starting to feel a bit nervous, like, is he pulling away? Is this his equivalent of breaking up with me? Aughhh! Anyway, I made it down to this little Mexican place and Eric advised me of some 30 minutes spots in the alley and I totally hit the parking jackpot with a spot right outside the front door. Nice. I went in and he was sitting at the bar drinking and eating chips and salsa. We sat there for quite a while talking and busting each other's chops, but there was some definite flirting. He kept touching my collar bone saying that I have such nice skin and I would just smile and say thank you. We talked about Ian and he didn't know Ian lives in Portland and was like "I don't know about that" but also asked how into him I was, I told him very, and we discussed my not really knowing where we stand but didn't get into it too much because I didn't know how much he actually wanted to be talking about it. He had a Stranger so we perused for something to do but eventually settled on going to my house to make some dinner and watch a movie. We hit the road in my bitch ass car to go pick up his stuff. His roommates were home and they all started talking about the crazy party the night before and Eric asked if Michelle had brought him home but she said no, so he doesn't even know how he ended up in his bed, yikes. We all sat there talking for about an hour then they left and we went downstairs so he could pack up his stuff, including some pictures to fix up his myspace. I thought I saw a condom wrapper on his bed and he was like "Uh uh, no way, NO WAY!" because some guy had slept in the basement the night before and people had been in and out of the house for the past few days, but when he switched on the light we saw it was a pack of matches. I was like, "Oh I just figured it was yours" and he was like, "No, I'd tell you if I was getting some…and I'm not" so that takes care of that. We headed upstairs and he was like, "Oh, I have to grab one more thing" so I was waiting and when he reemerged he was holding a bag of weed and I was like "Are you serious?" and he was, so then I threw some sort of temper tantrum, and he was insistent on smoking and I debated between leaving and staying but it soon became evident that I wasn't taking him to my house, I was pissed. Or, just irrirtated. Why? WHYYYYY? Why the drinking and drugs? Why can't we just have a good time without all the extra bullshit? Must I always come in second behind the beer and weed? I guess so. We sat there for a while talking but he knew I was pissed and he expressed a similar feeling based on my reaction, so there we were. I probably stayed another 45 minutes, during which time the roomies came back and I finally peaced out. He walked me outside and I told him I know that's who he is, I'm just not comfortable around it and we hugged a couple times and talked about the full moon and how it always reminds me of him and Plain and he agreed then said he had to go because it was conjuring up some memories. It was about 11:30. I cried all the way home listening to Electrelane and thinking about Ian and thinking he was in the process of breaking up with me and how he hadn't responded to my cute text with a similarly cute message. It was a bizarre night.

Friday 10/26, I had big plans for my first fire place fire for my Friday evening. I tidied a little in preparation of Susan coming over then started my fire up. It was sooo wonderful. Why have I not done this in the past 3 years?! I wrote a little email to Ian in front of the fireplace and J came and joined me to get warm, then Susan showed up and we sat there talking and warming ourselves. I put a veggie pizza in the oven and we talked while we waited for it to be done. We stuffed ourselves with pizza then started in on the bag of mini Oreos Sos brought over the week prior. We turned on the tv and watched Danny Bonaduce on Dr. Phil and commented on what a train wreck he is. Eric called around 8:30 and asked me what I was doing the next night and we made plans to hang out. After Dr. Phil was over we watched a Mormon special on Oprah and shook our heads for most of it. Susan left a little before it was over and I finished watching it then went up to my room and went to bed.