Thursday 12/27, Dad, Mom and Aubs came in at 7 to tell us bye then we both went back to sleep and reawoke at 9. We gathered our things, loaded the car down, said our goodbyes and made our way back to Issaquah. It snowed almost the whole way but it wasn't sticking. We talked and listened to new music all the way down and arrived at 11. We unloaded the car and ended up in my room for a while playing with Jacques and Kassie got him going in so many circles that when he stopped he ran to the mirror, tried to attack himself, ran into the wall then the door jam trying to make his way out of my room. We were laughing so hard no sound was coming out. Kassie took off shortly after as I settled onto the living room floor to work on my review. I alternated between eating lunch, listening to music and checking myspace and working on my review. It actually didn't take me too long once I sat down and did it and I felt good when I got it done except I needed to do a final check. I chatted with Ian on skype im and am not sure what's going on but he's being somewhat passive with what we're doing and how he's feeling and what he wants. I don't really know what to do, but whatever. I watched Money Pit and cleaned out the fireplace then promptly started a fire which was really nice. I read a bunch of mags from Susan and snacked on a cookie. I fell asleep after it was over then took off to go to Mom's for dinner. I had a nice present from Grandma waiting for me so I talked to her on the phone and thanked her then we ate while watching Big. Kassie finally showed up, ate her dinner then we went in the living room to talk. We discussed K & S and their relationship and living situation then Jake and how Mom and Dad need to have a serious talk with him about sex and Mom's totally in denial. We were in there for quite a while then it was time for me to take off and Chrystol called to see if I wanted to stop by for a little x-mas present so we chatted as I drove over to Grandma's (to deliver some dinner) and made plans for me to stop by. I went up and Grandma's house was so hot but I managed and the three of us sat in her room talking and Auntie fed Grandma some apple and cheese and she ate a good bit of the polenta. Auntie wants me to come to HI so I think I might try for May or something...we'll see. On my way out I talked to Susan and made plans for later then home where I got ready for Neighbours, called Chrystol to see if it was still ok and headed out. I called Ian on the way and we chatted for a few minutes and he reassured me about calling him. When I got to Chrystol and Schuyler's I was greeted by their new kitty, Lulu, and she's soo cute and sweet. And did a backflip. We talked about Eric and Ian and Christmas's and our cats. It was close to 11 so I took off and called Susan on the way, met her at our spot and walked quickly to Neighbs. We paid and went in spotting Eric right away and when he said hi I was very confused and thought he said something else and was like “WHAT?!” and he’s like “Geez, I just asked how you’re doing” so then I felt silly and was like “Oh, haha, I’m good, sorry” then we went upstairs to watch the crowd. We noticed Sebastian which we thought was very coincidental then checked our coats so we could hit the floor. We saw Tye up on the stage and he waved to us as we made our way to the floor and danced it up and spotted Dick watching over the dance floor and trying to make eye contact but dancing with some not-so-attractive girl until this awful drag show started. We sat on the sidelines forever trying to ignore the terribleness of it all and spotted Max who looked on in horror like most of the rest of us. After all the prizes had been handed out (including one of the seven dwarves in stuffed animal form) a good song was played so we got back out there and danced. Max disappeared so we kept our eye out for him and other regulars but didn’t spot any. Another damn drag show started so we sat on the sidelines again and spotted Max who I got a hug from and we started chatting. Mostly about how dumb the show was. I told him I liked his longer hair and noticed a little silver skull and cross bones on his sweatshirt. I liked his purple eyeliner too but I didn’t tell him that. Susan and I had started taking some monocle pictures and Susan continued by herself in hopes of getting some with Max in the background. Then Eric walked by and both Susan and I were like “Help us! This is awful!” and he agreed but said there wasn’t much he could do, then made fun of me like “Oh sure, I’ll just say “There’s some girl from Bellevue that doesn’t like your show. And she has a Gucci purse too” that will go over real well. You’ll get your ass kicked” so we laughed and kidded around and Susan sneakily got a picture of him too. Hee hee hee. I think I touched his arm. The music came back on so Susan, Max and me went out on the floor and some really good songs came on so we all busted it out. Some guy dancing behind Susan kept looking at me so when I knew he was looking I leaned into Max and asked him a question so that the guy would hopefully stop looking. Then Max got real chatty asking if I’d been to Celebrities in Vancouver and telling me all about it. Susan and I danced to a few more songs then decided to take off. On our way to the coat check we passed Eric who was like “I told her that you didn’t like her show and she’s going to work on it” or something like that being all cute and flirty so I said thanks then waved, we got our coats and booked it to our cars. The last Thursday of the year was a decent one.

Wednesday 12/26, I woke up at 8:30 or so and had some breakfast with the adults and we mapped out the plans for the day. Kassie and I got ready and went into downtown Bellingham to go to Everyday Music. We perused in there and all I ended up with were a few new cds and a movie. We went to a little coffee shop next and each got some baked goods for the movie then headed over to the mall. Kassie yelled at some hooligan for pushing his friend into an old lady on our way to the movie theater. We met the rest of the family there, but as we waited Kassie filled me in on the details of the Thanksgiving incident with Skylar. Very interesting. Some of us went into the theater to get seats and it’s a good thing because that shit filled up fast. Kassie and I didn’t really want to see it (National Treasure) but were both surprised that we didn’t hate it and thought it wasn’t too bad. At the end Kassie started frantically saying to Papa “Hurry Papa, the door is closing!” and some guy laughed and I thought it was really hilarious. The kids all rode together to Black Angus and we were the last to arrive. None of us ate much because we were full from all the food we’d consumed in the past two days. Kassie colored extremely inappropriate pictures that had us all in stitches and the parents looking over disapprovingly. We high tailed it out of there early and went home and lounged. We all watched some hilarious music videos and Dad said he wants to pop Justin Timberlake’s head but Mom and Auntie Heidi both agreed that he’s hot. And Hailey, she just kept repeating it over and over. Auntie Heidi made strawberry shortcake and I ate a ton then Uncle Brad put on one of the Bourne movies but I didn’t want to watch it so I read some magazines on the floor instead. My stomach was hurting so I went to bed early.

Tuesday 12/25, I woke up at 7 to shower and get ready and pack and everything, then woke Kassie up and we were out the door by 8:15. Everyone was there, including Auntie Lauryn who had just flown in that morning, and Mom was cooking away so we didn’t end up getting started on the presents for about a half hour. Grandma was out of it because of the meds and by the time we started she was practically asleep in her little chair in the middle of opening a present. I got some nice things including a sparkly cute new apron and the lamp Mom and I picked out a few weeks ago. After all the presents were opened we started on breakfast and the apple coffee cake was wonderful and so was the cheese quiche. Kass and I left at 10:30 to hit Vivace, and as we were standing in line forever Dad called and said Kassie had left her cell phone so we ditched the coffee and headed back to the house and finally got on the road at 11. We had a nice drive up and it started snowing a little at the curves but we made it fine. Hailey was at work and the socks hadn’t even been opened which had to be a record. We sat around waiting and I ate some of Auntie Heidi’s homemade caramel corn and Grandma’s apple chips and snacked on other random treats. Finally it was time to do presents and Kassie started shouting “Q-tips, Q-tips!” I got the fireplace tool set I wanted and a bunch of luggage stuff, a ton of North Face stuff since now Dad’s company owns them or the other way around, and some other things. For the rest of the day we snacked and visited and myspaced and puzzled and just had a fun day. We had a large dinner with poppers and hilarity between Dad and Kelly with Kelly having to distribute threats to Dad if he tried to put those fake flowers in his ear one more time. After dinner we all played Apples to Apples and I totally lost, like by a lot. It’s hard for me to play with people who are too literal. People started thinning out because it was getting late and some of us ended up in Hailey’s room burning cds and myspacing and I called Ian and we chatted for a little bit about our respective Christmas’s and movies we’d seen. I don’t think I stayed up very late.

Monday 12/24, We woke up early and made it up to Everett for breakfast with the fam and Rose. I was feeling sick with a runny nose and sore throat, so that sucked. When we got there Allen had stopped by and it has to be 12 or 13 years since the last time I saw him. He stuck around for a few minutes and showed us pictures of the boys then took off. The waitress was very snappy and Kassie got all mad because of what she said to Grandma. Aubrie and I shared pancakes then I ate some of Kassie’s bacon and Dad’s toast. Kassie and I took Aubrie to the motorhome then headed home where I crawled into bed for most the day. Kassie had to wrap presents so we watched Arrested Development in the living room until she needed to leave for her party at Mike’s. I got into bed because I felt like crap and took a little nap before getting up to run some errands around Issaquah. I got my prescription filled and picked up some Ibuprofen then over to try to find my AG hair stuff, but the place was closed, then over to the bank then called Dad for directions to Monique’s. I had to call Chip for him to get me the rest of the way and when I pulled up all I could say was “Oh.My.God” this place was enormous. 7,000+ sq. ft. Cripes. The living and family rooms have like 30 foot ceilings. Nuts. So I talked with Chip and Monique while waiting for other people to arrive. Peggy was next and eventually Mom and the gang and lastly Pandora. We all sat around talking in the family room in front of the fire and eating Mom’s caramelized onions and roasted peppers with goat cheese. I ate so much. Kassie showed up right before dinner started and the conversation eventually turned to politics and boy were there some heated discussions on that score then Kassie introduced the table to the term “bi-curious” which Chip LOVED and kept saying. It was hilarious and we told him that if he started using that term in Seattle he’d get a whole bunch of new friends. Pandora told us a story about a president who wore dresses and Peggy got mad. Kassie needed to take off so after a few more group photos we all left. At home I crawled into bed and stayed there for the rest of the night.

Sunday 12/23, I woke up early and really got down to business. I got the tv, receiver, speakers and dvd player all re-set up in the living room. I set up all the frames, though I didn’t get them up on the wall. I talked to Aubs and Dad to get an ETA and finished everything up then finally showered and relaxed on my bed. Kassie wanted to watch a movie so we turned on Bond in the living room and watched it until the fam got there. They pulled up, we got our shoes and coats on and hit the road in separate cars to the Chinese restaurant. We had a nice lunch and talked about what the three of us girls were going to do that evening and when Kassie said we were going to take Aubs to Lo-Fi I told Mom not to worry because it’s not a seedy bar, and she either didn’t hear me or know what I was talking about so Dad was like “You know, they have live music” thinking I was referring to “cd” bar. We all laughed so hard at that. Our waiter was really nice, bringing an extra soup so I could have some and extra pancakes for the mu shu. We left Dad there to have a chat with Alan so the rest of us went back to my house so I could show Grandma and Papa because they’d never seen it. They both loved it and Papa was hell bent on getting Jacques to like him. Everyone got a kick out of him and his antics. We sat in the living room talking about house stuff before Dad finally got back and then all the adults took off. Us girls didn’t stick around for too long before taking off for Vivace, some cool little home store where I wanted to take home everything. We got back in the car and headed over to Easy Street to exchange one of the cds both Kassie and I got Aubrie, so I got her Ferraby Lionheart instead and distracted her while Kassie did the exchange. We took off for Pacific Place and went to Nordstrom after laughing at the reindeer lady, but they didn’t have the lip stuff I got for Ian so I left empty handed. On the escalator some guy tried to make conversation with Kassie and she shot him down by telling him she didn’t have a present for him and asked why the hell she would, then he gave Aubrie a power bar to prove her wrong. Too bad Aubrie threw it away. We went to the underwear area where Kassie bought a whole bunch of Hankey Pankies and Aubrie and I laughed about the hide the nips things. Over to PP where we bought tickets for Juno, got some treats then went in and got good seats. Too bad some fool sat right next to me. We all loved the movie and went home afterward because none of us were hungry and I had a headache. But no ibuprofen. We watched the rest of Bond and Ian and I traded fun texts for a while. I also texted Eric about the full moon. Us girls talked about Brandon and Eric after it was over then all headed upstairs and eventually went to bed around 1. I was exhausted and didn’t feel very good.

Saturday 12/22, I woke up at 8:30 and was pleased with having gotten 10 hours of sleep. I checked my phone and saw that Ian had texted me a little before midnight “Darling, you are wonderful tonight” which made me melt and so happy. He’s such a sweetheart. I didn’t get up right away even though I had lots of shit to do, and instead finished Season 2 of AD. I saw Ian was online so I told Kassie and she ran into my room with a big smile on her face and got in front of my computer thinking he was on the webcam; she was very disappointed. I called him and he said it was a drunk text and that they’d been out karaoke-ing so that was cute. Kassie was leaving but I wanted to get the table set up so I asked her if she would help me, she did, but I couldn’t concentrate on it so I hung up with Ian who thought something was wrong because I was hanging up so abruptly. We did it, she left, then I called Ian back to apologize and we ended up talking for quite a while about Christmas presents and stuff then he had to go. I ran around doing various chores and trying to get the house ready but would randomly check my computer and he had messaged me on skype so we chatted a little there then it was back to cleaning. I rested a lot because I was tired and didn’t feel good with the sore throat and runny nose and bloody noses and general ickyness. I finished wrapping presents and eventually Kassie came back and made me get dressed and ready to go out to dinner, even though I just wanted to stay home and go to bed early or go to dinner in Issaquah. I noticed there were two movies I wanted to see playing at the Uptown so we decided to see one after dinner. We went to Moxie and found great parking across the street. Since it was almost 8 we were seated right away and before we can even sit down Kassie recognizes this girl she knew from Red who was the personal shopper so they have a little catch up session, introduce the two of us then started scouring the menu. We both wanted the pear and stilton, Kassie wanted the cheese plate and we both wanted the tenderloin. The pear was so good and I loved the goat’s milk and there was a very interesting cheese that tasted just like pizza. So weird. Our dinner was soo good though we both couldn’t finish our plates. We packed them up and headed over to the movie theater. We had missed the beginning of Across the Universe so we saw Margot at the Wedding instead. We both thought it was interesting but fucked up and sad all around. We drove home and I think we ended up just going to bed.

Friday 12/21, Peggy let me off early to take her tires down to the BMW dealership in Seattle for her new car. After that I drove home and took a little nap but got up shortly after to get ready for Mom’s birthday dinner. I drove to the house and Mom, Alix and I went and picked Grandma up then headed to Daniel’s Broiler on the waterfront. Dinner was ok but way overpriced. I don’t remember Daniel’s being so pricey. Mom had horrible head and earaches because of her surgery and all the noise in the restaurant so she took off right after dinner and Jake called from the car telling me to come out and drive for Mom. We dropped Grandma off then went back to the house and everyone else showed up shortly after. We had cake and Mom opened her presents and she liked the tea cup and ornament I gave her and the ornaments Kassie got her and the iphone from Dad with all the pictures uploaded already. We sat around talking and laughing and I filled them in about Jessica then Grandma called saying she had fallen and couldn’t get up so Kassie volunteered to go over and help her, so I went home because I had been exhausted all day. I was practically asleep anyway so I drove home, put on some Arrested Development and fell asleep before 10:30. Mom called after midnight to tell me Grandma had broken two ribs and was in the hospital. I fell back asleep and barely remembered it in the morning.

Thursday 12/20, I had a doctor appointment after work so I left early, got the prognosis (no big surprise there!) then headed home to get ready to go out with Jess. Luckily I had plenty of time and rolled out at 7:35 and beat Jess. She came in about 10 minutes later and we got right down to talking: her Grandma, Grandma’s friend, Ian, Tim F. We talked and ate for almost 3 hours and the Gay Mex is as good as ever. On the way back to the car she kept saying “hi” in Mandarin and it was cracking me up and she said Bora can’t believe that she even has the inflections down. We wondered why the windows were down when we got in the car then she dropped me off at my car, I called Susan to meet at our spot, then Ian to tell him my “funny story” and he made fun of me and said to always call him when I have stories about buying garbage bags or something. I told him about my dr appointment then Susan showed up and I ran in place all the way to Neighbours. The money guy wasn’t there so I told Eric I was onto him and knew that he’d told the guy to beat it so that he would have a few extra minutes of us all to himself. He laughed and went along with it “Hey, beat it man!” then the guy returned and we went in. I had to go to the bathroom so I did that then checked my coat, went upstairs for a few minutes then back down to the floor to dance. There wasn’t much action for a while, the usuals were there, Tye (avec halo), Awkward in a black corset over white button up shirt and white sneakers who danced dangerously close to me all night and I kept expecting a reach around. Luckily one never came. We danced a lot and I kept my eye out for Eric while Susan watched the scruffy boy behind me. Eventually Richie, Kyle, Cory and Ersi showed up and Ersi was hilariously out of it and grabbed my boobs no less than 3 times. We all danced and it was a lot of fun. There was a boy next to me that kept looking over at our group, and more specifically Susan. One of his friends came over and wanted to twirl Susan but she just stood there smiling, not complying at all with his twirling attempts. I think Ersi gave in though. Teal and his cute friend Brad showed up and I told Brad I liked his hat and contemplated telling him he was the hottest boy I met all night. There was this guy totally on something and kept running into everyone all night and was pissing everyone off severely. Richie took some pictures of me and laughed when I flipped off Von Trapp, then said he loves me and gave me some big wonderful hugs. We all danced together and after a few more songs (my and Eric’s song where I shimmied to Ky and Susan) I took off. I went to get my coat and saw Eric and decided to rat that guy out. I told him and he just looked at me skeptically and then the guy stumbled over to the bar and I was like “Him!” and he watched the guy, who tried to order a drink and Eric signaled to the bartenders to cut him off and some girl asked Eric “Are you cutting him off?” and he said yes and she was like “Good!” so that made me feel better like I wasn’t the only one with a problem with him. Eric disappeared, I think to tell the other bar tenders, then came back and was like “All taken care of” and I was like “Do you think I’m a snitch?” and he was like “When I think of a snitch I think of someone really dirty, you’re more like a cute little stool pigeon” and I was like “Ohhh, yay!” then was like “Wait, I think pigeons are really dirty too” so he’s like “Fine, a cute little stool dove” awww. I got my coat, ran back out on the floor to tell everyone I took care of that guy cause I’m a snitch then ran to my car.

Wednesday 12/19, Eric called me while I was at work and asked if I had texted him and I told him yes and what about and he guessed right about what was on his porch and we chatted for quite a bit about how he had gone snowboarding and Nicole and work and his new exercise regime (“it’s my second day”) and about how he apparently hates his life. That makes me sad and I told him. When I got home I started cleaning and laundry then my mattress was delivered and I just laid on it and marveled at how wonderfully comfortable it is. Kassie got home and laid on it with me and told me I HAD to get this cd she just got: Ferraby Lionheart, which cracked me up because I told her to get that album, and told her that. She was like “Oh, I should have brought in this other one then, Elvis Perkins” and I was like “I told you to get that one too!” so that was hilarious. She helped me move some stuff from down in the garage then I got the electronics set up and did other cleaning until Gossip Girl. I cleaned on the commercials and afterward because I was on a roll and my house is just really that dirty. I went to bed by 11.

Tuesday 12/18, I had a wax appt after work so I quickly showered and got ready then headed out the door. Traffic was terrible and I made it to my appointment by the skin of my teeth. I was out of there in 15 minutes because Melissa is so quick, which is great. I went over to Kay-See's for penis / holiday cookie making. I was the last to arrive and K had already started on the dough and frosting and they were all chattering away. We eventually decided on pizza for dinner so we ordered then they told us it would be 2 hours for delivery so Michelle hung up, told us, then we decided to drive down there to try and intercept it. We were walking down and cracking up when Michelle almost slid down the escalator railing and would have been all "wet" because of it. We couldn't stop laughing. We totally got the pizzas and didn't get charged the delivery fee and ran back up to the car and fooled K and K when we got there telling them it had already left for delivery. We totally got them. We chowed down on the pizza and eventually started the cookies. K had a 7 layer dessert thing in the oven and was like "Come here. Stick your nose in there." and we were all like "Dirty!" We got cracking on the cookies and I was having so much fun giving the angels and reindeer anatomically inappropriate appendages. We worked our tails off until almost 11 then started cleaning and packing up. Ky gave us all a new bj tip and we all sat there practicing for a few minutes before we left. I was taking Ky and we had to make a pit stop at Eric's to drop off his special cookies (my fav was Ky's "chocolate chip tip dick" cookie, but my rasta dick was a close second). I texted him but didn't hear back, then when we arrived I called because lights were on but no answer so I just left them on the porch and we drove off. Ky and I talked about his relationship and K and R and just had a really nice drive home. When I got home at midnight I had a skype message from Ian and he was still feeling super down so we started chatting but he didn't want to get on the web cams. He was talking about breaking up then Kassie came home and I was talking to her about it then he called me on skype but I had already disassembled my camera so I was hurriedly reconnecting but it totally wasn't working and after two more times we got it going. He looked down and exhausted and we talked for a long time and finally he said he didn't want to make any decisions right then because he'd probably regret them the next morning. So then we joked a little and I showed him I wasn't wearing a shirt then I called Kassie in so she could meet him and he was like "No, I'm going to hang up!" but didn't. K came in and he said we look so alike and that we're very cute, aww. They started talking music for a minute then K said she can freestyle but usually she only does it with Sky so Ian dug for a good beat and Kassie let it flow and the jerky part cracked me up and so did the spanking Lou part. Ian got a kick out of it and was like "Nice, nice!" He needed to go (so did I, being 1:30 and all) so K left us alone to say bye and Ian tried to make an impressive exit, but failed once again which made us both laugh. It took me a while to fall asleep thinking about him.

Monday 12/17, I went to a new derm in the Nordstrom Tower and she wants to put me on Accutane which has all these crazy side effects and you have to take all these pregnancy tests before, during and after and there are all these other inconveniences, like I can't even start it for a month so we'll see if I decide to go through with it. It's a 6 month course of meds and requires monthly checkups, quizzes and pregnancy tests. We all know my stance on children and it wouldn't matter if I got pregnant anyway because I wouldn't have it...so I'm not worried about birth defects. Anyway, I think it's bs and I don't want to do it so I'm not sure if I will. It turned out my waxing appt wasn't until Tuesday (plus on this medication you can't wax during the treatment and for 6 months after, ugh, as Susan put it "That'll be one hairy bush" indeed) so I didn't have to rush home and leave again. I did a little cleaning, talked to Ian on skype and he still wasn't feeling better so I told him he needs a good cry and tried to make him by telling him he wears tight pants and listens to sissy-boy music. It didn't work and I hope the joke wasn't lost. I showered and got ready for the NW Film Forum holiday party. I talked to Susan for a long time before taking off for her house. We thumbed through my Accutane manual and laughed hysterically at some of the "myths". We left for the party and my favorite part was sitting in one of the theaters and watching hilarious old Christmas videos (especially the Wham one) and shows like the Osmonds and Sonny and Cher. Susan showed me around and I got to meet Ryan and her bf and another Kara then toward the end some guy came over and talked to us and we discussed SatC and OC and coming out of the closet. Susan made it sound like we were partners, prefacing every statement with "We", which I thought was hilarious. We left the party and I probably got home around 11:30 or so and went to bed.

Sunday 12/16, I stayed in bed longer than I wanted but it felt nice and watched Arrested Development sounded more fun than battling the crowds at Costco. I eventually got up and went to Sears to get both Dads electronic levels then called Zach to figure our plans out. I swung by Best Buy to get Jake a dvd then headed up to Queen Anne where I met with Zach and Nicole for lunch. We went to Sully's where I had a wonderful cheese steak sandwich. We talked about real estate and family and work and Ian then took off so I could see their place. It is really cute and I can see why they don't want to move. We talked about how we don't want kids and all the reasons and how since we're not going to have kids to take care of us in our old age that we'll all congregate at a retirement home and grow old together. What could be more fun? I took off eating many of the cookies they sent me home with and talked to Kassie about plans for dinner. I went home and crawled into bed because I was very tired and ended up falling asleep for a little bit before getting up and taking off to pick up Grandma and Toto who howled for most of the ride and drove me up the wall. At Mom's I was in a bad mood from Toto and Dad not helping with Grandma and the dog. We had dinner and that was good then we started on the tree and it looked pretty good by the time we finished. I wanted to go home so Kassie agreed to take Grandma home. I talked to Susan on my way and watched the rest of EHM then a repeat of DH which was good because it was the one I hadn't seen from the beginning of the season. Ian messaged me on skype after 10 and was feeling lonely and down which made me sad and feel like it's my fault that he's not happy. I think it's ok to be lonely and sad sometimes, though I didn't say that, and that you have to learn how to make yourself feel better and not rely on other people to bring you out of it or make it better for you. You can only become a stronger person in the process. So I wrote a whole bunch of stuff down after we'd signed off about how I was feeling. I don't know if I'll send it to him or not.

Saturday 12/15, I woke up semi-early since J wouldn’t stop meowing for an hour and a half. I got up and went to the mattress store by my house and bought a mattress then went over to the little antique mall and got something for both Mom and Peggy then BB&B then home. I ate some lunch then noticed Ian was online so I called him to see how he was feeling after his night out. We chatted for a little bit before he had to get ready because Nick and Lauren were going to meet him for a party. I watched a ton of Arrested Development and ended up falling asleep for a bit. I heard from Kassie who asked if I was going to the Harborrats show, so I called Chrystol but she wasn’t, so I called K back and told her no. I watched more AD and uploaded pictures then went to bed a little before midnight.

Friday 12/14, Peggy let me off early so I went home, crawled into bed and took a nap in preparation for Kay-See’s birthday party. I got up at 6, steamed a shit load of veggies (yum!), showered and got ready to go out. I called and talked to Mom for a minute, who had been released from the hospital, and told her I would come over and see her. I stopped at QFC on MI and picked up two bunches of flowers and some potato chips for K’s birthday present. I went to Mom’s and the whole left side of her face was swollen and I couldn’t look at the incision because I was going to pass out. Eeesh. I didn’t stay too long, but long enough to chat about Ian and give them the latest development with Brandon. Mom guessed STD first, then engaged. So funny. I guess I was the only one who thought it would be an apology. I took off for K’s and called Ian on the way and he was very lovey dovey and told me he misses me and was all “Aww, girl!” and extra cute because he was drunk. He told me to wish K happy birthday then asked if I minded if he sent her a text, I didn’t, so I sent him her number. I went up to her place and Andrea and Clarke were there, Ky, Michelle, Chris, R and Stacy. I dug into the food right away, as there were brownies, cupcakes, chips, salsa and a big ole block of brie. Before too long Ky wanted a ciggie so I said I would accompany him up to the roof so we could chat. We gabbed for a while and he filled me in on what’s happening with him and P as we went back down. We sat in the living room and continued talking and chatted with Jenny and her friend for a little bit then I asked K if she’s received a text from a certain boy I’m seeing and she was all “Oh, did I!” and brought her phone over. It said something like “Happy birthday Kristel. I love you! xxx Take care of my Karrah” and I just about melted then Ky read it and he was like “That’s soo cute!” and apparently R had been like “He’s got game!” damn straight. We all continued hanging out and chatting and eating and taking pictures. A little after 10 we started walking to Havana and Ky and I took a detour to his car then stopped by Neil’s to say hi, and though we were buzzed up, no one would come to the door. It was a little weird because they were clearly in there. We eventually made our way up there but could not find it. So we sat on the corner, trying to call Kay-See, and contemplated what to do. I asked two British boys and they told us, we found it, went in, found the group at a big table and sat down. We all talked and were introduced to our table mates (Bogdn, Tiffany and Corey) then made it out to the dance floor and got down to business. Ky kept commenting that it smelled like a wet dog, Stacy got a guy kicked out for being too drunk and I saw an almost-fight between two insanely tall guys. We stayed for a couple hours then walked back, though Michelle, Kyle and I stopped by the car again and drove from there. He dropped us, K and R were waiting in the lobby, took us up to get our stuff, I got in a minor argument with R over K’s ass then she went to throw up and R rushed Michelle with the cupcakes then we headed to my car. We talked, talked, talked until almost 2 and we planned for Tuesday night. I drove home, watched an episode of Arrested Development and went to bed around 3.

Thursday 12/13, I had a good portion of the day off because of a women's lunch thing at the Rainier Club with Peggy. So Peggy, Pandora and I left the office early in order to go see Mom in the hospital and she seemed in pretty good spirits, but it was kind of depressing that she was just looking at the wall. We stayed for a little bit then took off for the lunch. That was pretty fun and I met one of Peggy's friend's daughters and may be able to hook her up with a recruiter because she's looking for a job and seems like she's very with it. At home I talked to Susan and made plans for later in the evening then ate some dinner then Jess called as she was on her way home from a work party and still wants to set me up with Tim Fitch if Ian and I ever break it off, which I think is hilarious then we talked about Shanghai momentarily and how it's really cool and not that much longer than the flight to London. I don't know if I'll make it there next year, but I'll definitely get there at some point. I trust that Jess would take care of me, but I've never even thought of going to China. We'll see I guess. We firmed up our plans for getting together then hung up. I went to check and see if Ian was on skype and he messaged me right as I was doing it. We chatted a little bit then he was going to go but I asked if we could web cam for a minute just so I could see him and next thing I know we're chatting it up and he looked so cute in his green shirt. We chatted while he worked on and off and it was really fun. He pretended to look down my shirt since I had some cleave showing then he made a few bj jokes which I thought was adorable. We talked for over an hour then his sister called so I watched Last One Standing a bit and got ready to go out while we kept the cams going. I called Chrystol to see what the deal was with what had now turned into a house party with live music. She said it was going to be interesting and that Susan and I should definitely come. I found out from Dad that Mom's surgery went well and she was out and they're not sure how long she has to stay in the hospital, but hopefully only a day or two. Ian hung up but I had to go a few minutes later but we just looked at each other for a minute then he said he wishes we were closer and I wish the same of course. He was going to hang up but couldn't, so I bid a final farewell and pushed the little red button. I called Susan and headed out, swung by and got her then drove up toward where Brandon used to live for the Mulally / Harborrats show / house party. I didn't want to walk in first but Susan made me. Where's Jessica when I need her?! I found Chrystol after a minute and we tried to stand out of the way but that's fairly impossible as there were so many people and not that much room. Andrew tried talking to Susan but she wasn't having it. C was behind him making faces but the whole situation was rather awkward. He finally left and we eventually ended up over by the door where we watched Mulally from. Someone knocked a cup of beer all over the back of my pants. I think I have magnetic calves or something. We took some pictures with Sam and Schuyler as groupies and Sam gave me the groupie name "Generous Jenny" then showed me how to work it by demonstrating on a beer bottle. Ok, not really, but that's what the picture looks like. During Mulally's set Sam asked me what I thought of Chris' hair and I said that it was very blonde and that he's trying to look like me. At one point during their set Chris looked at me and waved and I think I just sat there, I don't even remember, or like looked surprised at him. Who knows. Then later on he was staring at Susan FOREVER and I was cracking up and kept looking at her and she was like (in whispered hissing voice) "Shut up, shut up!" and both Schuyler and Chrystol also noticed and brought it up later on. We left after Mulally finished and headed to Neighbours. As we were parking Susan mentioned that she was having a “total nipclipse of the heart” and I almost died. We went in and noticed Eric the bouncer right away. We danced to a few songs then checked our sweaters and continued dancing. The songs were decent but there was this guy who wouldn’t stop dancing right next to us and we were both like “Are you kidding me?!” We even moved and he ended up migrating toward us…weiiiirrrrd. Socks and Sandals was up on the stage and going crazy…it was so hilarious, I was trying not to get caught but I’m pretty sure I did one. I spotted Michael upstairs and waved and eventually he came down and we danced together. He had a Red Bull and asked me if I wanted any then asked if I wanted to suck his…well, I’m sure it’s obvious, and I just stood there with my jaw on the floor and he just cackled. Some other guy kept staring at me and it was impossible not to keep catching his eye but he was awful and it was irritating. Hmm, I don’t remember much else but it was a lot of fun. We went to get our coats and Eric got in front of us so after he was done talking to the coat check guy I was like “Do you have a ticket?” and the guy laughed hysterically and Eric looked at me all surprised. Walk Like an Egyptian came on so we went back out and danced then took off. I dropped Susan at her house then drove home and wrote Ian a little “drunk dialing” message and went to bed.

Wednesday 12/12, I cleaned and talked to Alishia as I got ready for the girls to come over. I finally got the email from B and it was an apology email that was remorseful, but it's hard for me to take it completely sincerely. Susan had other plans for the evening then Sos called and said she wasn't coming over but I guilted her into it and bribed her with lots of food. She was the first to arrive and helped me chop some veggies and get the pizzas out. Next was Chrystol who brought Jacques a new hand-made toy that I was very impressed with and he enjoyed thoroughly. I had the veggies steaming and ended up over doing them because I was waiting for the pizzas to finish. Damn! Kay-See arrived last and had missed the first part of ANTM but got into it pretty quickly. Finally all the food was done (Chrystol brought a delightful salad as well) so we chowed down and discussed B on the commercial breaks. Everyone thought his email was very nice and Chrystol chided me a little for not taking it more to heart. I shared my reasoning. For dessert we all enjoyed Sos' homemade holiday cookies and didn't act surprised when Saleisha won. Susan called it like 4 weeks ago. Sos took off but C and K stuck around and we got somewhat sucked in to that terrible Mom / Daughter pageant show, mostly because they were all train wrecks. As we were watching I checked myspace and Eric had sent me a somewhat condescending message that K labeled "hot" while C rolled her eyes and questioned me about his appeal. His message was bordering on antagonistic and I wondered why he even cares. If he's got a gf why does he care what I'm doing with Ian? I won't make any conjectures but I think some of it is fairly obvious. Anyway, they left after the train wreck show and I found another message from Eric and responded telling him it's more complicated than he thinks and that I have a wonderful time with Ian and I'm just going to enjoy it while I have it and not think about it ending. Soooo anyway, I think I showered then talked to Ian on skype for a little bit and he's just so sweet and thanked me for being in his life and it just breaks my heart when he says things like that. He's so fantastic I don't know what I'm going to do when we're not doing this anymore. I can't think about it.

Tuesday 12/11, Ky sent me a text requesting my presence at Rosebud, but I knew I had too much stuff to do at home and was very tired from 5 late nights in a row. I went to the store after work then to Fred Meyer to pick up a prescription then as I was standing in line I noticed my zipper was down so I had been walking around all over the place with my fly open. Great. I called Susan on my way out and to tell her and also about Brandon and she guessed engaged as well, then guessed STD and I’m like “It better not fucking be” I had his ass tested so if it is it better have been contracted after we broke up. Anyway, who knows. At home I tried to clean up a little but ended up getting sidetracked with tv and feeling tired so I laid in bed and tried not to fall asleep at 8:15. 5 nights in a row of staying up late has finally caught up with me. I had mini-drama with Ian at work after I told LPC happy birthday and called him Charismo and he called me Charisma back and Ian asked me why I’m always surprised when he writes me and leaves comments when I’m leaving him comments like that. I told him they’re just nicknames and not terms of endearment. We emailed a little while I tried not to fall asleep. I talked to Chrystol who confirmed, in between laughing fits, that no, it was not an STD. Phew. That was good news. She also confirmed that he’s not engaged. Not that I care about that one, he can be engaged all he wants. I called Ian but didn’t hear back, showered, watched the news then hit the sack because I was exhausted.

Monday 12/10, I left work a few minutes early in order to get down into Ballard for my facial with Meghan. I was a few minutes late but so was she so I perused the merchandise while she set up. Her room is so cute, all pink and shabby chic. We got down to business and talked about Kassie and Skylar and Ian and kids and how she's in the same boat I am as far as wanting children goes. Afterward I called Susan and drove to her place and she suggested Thai so we walked up to 15th and ate at this great little place and I had yellow curry fried rice and it was soo good. I can't wait to eat the leftovers for dinner! She ranted for a while then we talked about Neighbours and some other stuff. We stopped in Victrola to get some hot chocolate (Susan's treat!) and avoided a certain boy there, though I caught him gazing in our direction. We walked back to her place and I told her about how Ian had insisted he was going to find my blog and what that means and a few other things about some interesting behavior I noticed that makes me a little suspicious. Of course if he ends up finding this thing I'll probably be asked what I’m referring to. Oh well. When we got back to her place I grabbed my leftovers and hit the road. I called Chrystol on the way home to see if she wanted to come over for ANTM and to see how her and Schy are doing. She invited me to some loft party that Mulally is playing at but it's on Thursday so I'll either have to split my time or pick one or the other. It would probably be kind of fun though. We'll see. Then she asked if I'd received an email from B and I said no and asked why and when it would have been and she wouldn't give up much information other than it was sent about a month ago and that she wanted me to get the email from him. I told her it was going to eat at my soul not knowing and furiously racked my brain for reasons he could possibly be writing me when I haven't talked to him in almost a year and a half. The curiosity is going to kill me. We chatted for a while longer after I got home and I hope she comes over for my party because that would be fun. For reasons totally unrelated to finding out what the hell Brandon wants. I showered and when I got out I was about to call Kay-See to wish her happy birthday again and my phone rang and it was her so we chatted and made plans for Wednesday and I told her about B's email (her guess: he’s engaged) then she had to go because R had just picked up some stuff for her b-day or something. I read some of my past blogs, edited one because my grammar was off and then fucking blogger deleted one of my Mondays so that pissed me off so I had to try and remember and write something there. I had like an anxiety attack over it though. What did I do on that Monday?! OMG! What am I going to do if I don't have an account of what happened that day?! I need to switch to decaf or something.

Sunday 12/9, We slept in a bit and I roused him with an Interpol question by singing “It’s way too late” then he started softly singing as well and grabbed his phone so we could listen to it. We got up not too long after that to tackle the day. Ian needed coffee and food so and I had asked earlier if we could go down to Everyday Music so we parked and walked to Whole Foods. We both got warm drinks and the guy asked if I wanted marshmallows too and I was like, “Oh yeah!” I never get asked that. Only whipped cream. Then we decided to each pick out a pastry and took off. We didn’t get far before Ian realized he hadn’t put cream or sugar in so we went back and I told him it was the best hot chocolate I’ve had in a very long time to which he was very gracious. On the way out I was like “I love him!” and Ian was like “Too bad he doesn’t feel the same way” and I was like, “Yeah, he probably wants kids! Oh snap!” and he was like, “Not with you, he’d want cute ones!” and I stopped with my mouth open at him and he was like “Kidding, kidding!” so I was like “And PS, if we were to have kids -- ” and he goes “I know, they would be sooo cute!” just as I was saying it. But I don’t want them so it’s kind of just salt in the wound. We walked over to Everyday Music and I got a whole stack of cds, mostly used thank goodness and I got the one Madlib one for Ian since Zeph had told me if I got it for him I would get lucky. We dropped our purchases at the car and hid from the ladies who wanted our spot then walked to Powell’s and perused magazines for a long time and just cuddled and smiled at each other while looking up facts on the internet (Ian had to erase the “donkey punch” entry, which I was right about, btw). We decided to see if there was a movie playing, but there weren’t any good ones around the time we wanted so we caught the trolley down to Hot Lips pizza and I got a wonderful ham and pear and he got the Sicilian. I told him lots of horror stories about childbirth and the husband stitch and he kept looking at me disgustedly, and was like “I feel nauseous” which just made me laugh. We walked over to the park and took some pictures with the holiday displays then walked back to the car. We went back to his house and he burned some cds while we all watched the Bob Dylan documentary and Ian almost tipped us in the papasan. We ended up in his room cuddling because I knew I had to leave as it was dark and nearing 5:00. We warmed each other up and talked and kissed and enjoyed our last moment together then I got up, packed and readied myself to head out the door. He walked me down and we stood in front of my car for a long time kissing and talking and hugging before finally letting each other go. When I got on the road I noticed it was 5:30 and I made it home by 8:20, which is pretty good considering I didn’t speed too much and it was dark out. I didn’t stop at all and ended up talking to Susan for a good portion of the drive. At home I ate some dinner then received a text from Kay-See to meet at her house at 10:30 to pick up Kyky at the airport. I was really tired and laid in bed watching my shows until 10 then took off and was greeted by K when I arrived. R was there and I was trying to tell her about Eric and R kept interrupting and being a know-it-all about guys and people in general and I just couldn’t even talk. Finally I was like whatever and let him keep running his mouth because apparently he knows how every person in the whole world works. Blah. Richie and Cory were downstairs so we headed down and got hugs and started gabbing right away. Luckily K drove because I was so exhausted from all my driving plus I was going to have to drive home after that too. In the car I told them about Ian and Richie wanted to know about the Reindeer Fucker so I told him I’d ask Ian then I told them about our web camming and they wanted all the dirty details but I didn’t have any to share and said I would work on it. We had a couple snafus getting to the parking garage but eventually figured it out and headed in to find Ky at the baggage claim. His hair is so long and he looks great and we all took turns getting hugs and we all talked over each other in our excitement. We all made our way back to K’s car and I came up with a new nickname for Richie – Snitchy. Then Sleazy, because of how he looked in one of the pictures I took. We all gabbed on the ride home, the three of us in the backseat mostly discussed Craig and health issues, then dropped Cory, Richie and Ky off at their place, then I walked to my car and drove home.

Saturday 12/8, I woke up first and we kind of rustled around then I told him I was getting up to shower so off I went and enjoyed a hot shower with the window open per usual. When I got out he was like "Karrah! Come out here!" and when I got out to the living room he was looking out the window and was like "Look at the cute squirrel in the tree!" and was so excited about it. I just laughed and gave him a big hug because he's so adorable. We both got ready then rolled out to enjoy the wonderful sunny day. We were on a mission to find the place he had wanted to take me to the time before. We found it, on Mississippi, and walked down from our parking spot enjoying the sun, though it was really cold. There was quite a wait so we put our name in and went to the coffee shop down the block then stopped into a little antique shop where I got Mom an ornament and a tiny tea cup. We walked back and checked where we were on the list and decided to walk down the block the other direction then ended up back in front of it (Gravy) talking and watching the guy on the roof across the street. He told me about how Nick used his line at the bar and dissed him and some other stuff I can't remember. Finally it was our turn and we got a good seat and I let the waiter pick between two omelets I couldn't decide on (winner: sun dried tomato, spinach, mushroom and provolone). Ian and I talked and flirted all through breakfast then walked back to the car and it was so warm. You would expect the opposite. Ha, that's a joke. Let's see, we drove around and Ian didn't even care, he's that cool. Burnin gas. That's a joke too. We went to the little part of town we always go to...Hawthorne? Maybe? Anyway, we parked and walked to Jackpot to get tickets to the Laura Gibson show but they were sold out so then we went to this funky vintage-y shop and cruised through. Back to the car then back to his house. We both went online to check myspace and such and I realized that Fleet Foxes were playing with Laura Gibson and Cave Singers and told Ian all about Craig and how he's in that band but probably won't be there because of his recent surgery. Ian talked to Nick and told him I knew one of the guys in the band and that they're really good, so that made me really excited to see them and I was keeping my fingers crossed that he would be there. We watched some of the Dylan documentary and maybe some Curb Your Enthusiasm (carwash cunt!) then got ready to go out for the night and I asked him if I should get dressed up and put on my fancy shirt and he said I looked like a flying squirrel and I was like "Jerk!" then he backtracked and told me I looked very nice and hugged me but I knew he thought I looked funny. I know he liked the jeans and the shoes though so at least those were a hit. We rolled out, found parking fine and ran down the block to the Doug Fir. We decided to get dinner first and had a waiter that looks like Derek's friend at Neighbours. He gave Ian a hard time for wearing his hat inside which made him even more adamant about not taking it off. We had a quick dinner then went and sat in the lounge waiting for the box office to open. We talked about family, the mirrored bathrooms, sex, making out in public and some other stuff then went and bought the tickets, then back to our seat for a while. We kept talking and cuddling and just enjoyed being with each other. He suggested we go downstairs to snag a seat and when we got down there we grabbed the one closest to the stage and on the side so we didn't have anyone to one side of us. We resumed our talking and cuddling down there and discussed the architecture of the venue and my blog and how I'm not going to give it to him because I've only given it to like 4 people but if he wants to find it then that's up to him. Obviously if I'm putting it on the internet and not setting the entries to private then I'm not THAT opposed to someone finding it. I told him my hesitation is him reading things I've written about my and Eric's interactions and him misinterpreting something because even Susan has mentioned that she doesn't get some of the stuff I write and she's there and has misinterpreted some instances...so he said he understood because he's got emails that could be categorized similarly. He said he wouldn't find it, but I won't be surprised if I see a new IP address from Portland pop up on my sitetracker with a bunch of random search terms. Anyway so then the Fleet Foxes went on and they were amazing and Ian loved them and the entire place was dead silent and Ian said it's never like that in there, which I saw later in the night when CS and LG played. So Craig wasn't there but there was a guy who looked like him and Ian had a plan to find out if it was him that involved his phone and shouting Craig into it. Totally wasn't him. I remember during a couple of the songs being next to Ian and feeling so incredibly happy, and like I was experiencing a truly all encompassing happy moment. He had his hand on my leg and my head on his shoulder and it was just as close to perfect as I think you can get. Or at least that I've ever gotten. Next were the CS and I agreed with Ian about the guy's voice but they were still good and finally Laura Gibson. I really liked her and some of her songs are so beautiful and that's the only adjective I can come up with. Beautiful. I got teary a few times because in the moment it was all very powerful and emotional and thinking about how happy I am when I'm with Ian and how I won't have it forever and that I have to recognize and appreciate every moment I experience with him like that. I think I can safely say it was one of the happiest moments in my life. Truly. After the show Ian called Nick and Lauren and it was a no go and we ran back to the car and drove home. Ryan was up and the boys watched some SNL while I got ready for bed. Ian and I turned in and talked FOREVER in bed. For like 2 hours, about exes and sex and how soft my boobs are on a scale of 1 to 10 (6) and many other things I'm sure. I was giggling so much Ian had to shush me a couple times thinking poor Ryan probably thought we were going at it. Eventually one thing led to another and we both ended up getting cramps in our legs but weren't deterred from our respective getting offs. There was a quite loud finale then we both crashed out.

Friday 12/7, I had been worried all week about my route to PDX for the weekend but luckily they opened up the freeway at noon and that’s when I left work so by the time I got down there it was smooth sailing and I made it down there pretty quickly. I didn’t really speed since I knew I had plenty of time (Ian got off work at 4:30) so I didn’t worry about setting any records, though I did make it down in 3 hours. I arrived in Sellwood and looked for a nail place and found one and parked. Just as I was about to get out of the car Ian called and asked where I was and I nervously and gigglingly told him I was in Sellwood and he was surprised but I told him I didn’t want him to worry about having to get off work early to meet me and he told me he was already home and to come by when I was done. So I had my toes done and they looked so cute, though the little slippers they gave me to wear were not so cute…and felt like a piece of paper between my feet and the ground. I called Ian and told him I was on my way and Ryan answered the door when I arrived because Ian had just emerged from the shower. I put my stuff down then we kissed and hugged and I asked why he was being so weird on the phone and he said it was because I was being weird, so that was fine. We hung out there for a little bit then went to some theater so he could get tickets for the show he was taking his dad to. We stopped at the store on the way home to get some “essentials” which included some deodorant but when he said he needed shampoo I wouldn’t let him buy any and wouldn’t tell him why. We wandered around laughing and flirting and holding hands and doing yay or nay on the snacks and the kinds of snacks we liked. Table Water Crackers – definite “Nay”. Triscuits – “Way Nay” it was kind of a fun game. Mayonnaise – Yay! It’s fate according to Jake and Eliso. We eventually settled on chips and salsa and debated chip and salsa brands. We checked out and went back out to the car where I got in some girl’s way and Ian caught her giving me a funny look. When we got back we watched some Curb Your Enthusiasm with Ryan then he took off and we broke out the snacks and chowed down. He asked me what I wanted to do so I got out his presents and had him open them all and he really liked them and kept giving me kisses and said that it was perfect because it’s all stuff he wouldn’t know to buy for himself. We flipped the couch around and started watching Team America and I laughed so hard anytime Kim Jong Il would come on the screen and mispronounce his “L”s “Oh, Herrrrroh!” it kills me. About halfway through Ian wanted to go to Dairy Queen so I said I would go too and we walked down and he convinced me to get something though I totally didn’t feel like it. I got a chocolate dipped cone (wonderful choice, good on Ian) and we walked back talking about sex and past partners and subsequent relationships and it was very interesting. I love that he’s so open about things that I’m curious about and doesn’t close up about past relationships a la Brandon. We started the movie back up and I continued to laugh at KJI but fell asleep and missed the end. So did Ian. We got up and ready for bed and ended up talking in bed forever then, well, yeah, that and we both knocked it out of the park and he was extra vocal which surprised me, in a good way. He turned the light back on and we ended up laying talking and I picked at him with my fingers and with tweezers and he said he likes it when I do that and he looked at stuff on his phone or we listened to music or something…I don’t know, I was tired. We went to bed around 2:30 I would guess.

Thursday 12/6, I stayed late at work but heard from Eric who mentioned being interested in attending the Art Walk with me so we made plans for him to call me later. At home I raced around trying to clean, pack, feed J, talk to Susan about the night's plans, eat dinner, shower and get ready. Eric didn't think he would be off work in time so we decided to play it by ear. I watched Last One Standing and fell deeper in love with Richard. Eric finally called a little before 9 and we started chatting about if we were going to get together or not, then I suggested I could bring my laptop and we could go to a coffee shop and do his myspace but he told me he already did it and had pictures up and everything, so then I looked but the profile I've bookmarked didn't have any changes so he says that he must have more than one so I searched a little more and found it just as he had to jump off and told me he would call me back. I started looking at it and the only friend he has is some girl with him in her profile picture, so I go to her profile and it's all about how wonderful her bf is and how she's madly in love then I go to her pictures and there are all these pictures of them and I just felt my stomach drop and started feeling nauseous and like I wanted to cry. WTF?! So IS he in a relationship with this girl or what?! Then I call Susan and realize that I've been staring at the screen with my jaw hanging down from the shock of it. I start spilling to Susan and sent her the link and she's surprised but not and I'm ready to send him a text that says "motherfucker." but I refrained and he ended up calling back about 5 minutes later. I answered and started with a barrage of questions. "ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT GIRL?!" and anyway we talked about it and it sounds like they're getting back together since she was the girl he was seeing back in the spring and whose heart he broke (I told him he could start a club since he broke Jennifer’s heart, this girl’s and mine as well). We ended up on myspace at the same time sending each other messages and I answered questions for him because he doesn't know what the hell he's doing. I eventually somewhat recovered but it was still salt in the wound because it was like they'd had the relationship that he'd so adamantly denied he wanted…and apparently it was just with me. So that sucked. Or I guess I just take it personally. But at the same time we laughed quite a bit and had fun talking on the phone. I mostly just told him to shut up a lot. I called Susan back and forth between calls with Eric so then we finally made our plans for the night after I freaked out to her for a while on the phone. As I was waiting around to leave Ian called to firm up plans for the weekend then put Nick on the phone who invited me to go to the coast for an ugly sweater party and a concert his dad is having. I talked a little more to Ian on my way in then parked and walked in by myself. When I got there Eric was like "Where have you been?! It doesn't take that long to get here from Bellevue!" and I just stood there shocked like how the hell did he know that?! Then he said my little friend had been through and told him all about my excuses. That Susan is crafty! So that was kind of funny then I went in and found Susan upstairs who informed me that Andrew was there and she was displeased. We watched from up there then danced and said hi to Tye. Some lesbians kept bumping into Susan and one of them pushed her on purpose so who knows what that was all about. Maybe that was her way of flirting. We danced a lot and I kept my eye out for Eric and danced extra hilariously when he would walk by, though he never looks over. Teal and Darren showed up and came and danced by us then we saw the Haunted Horse and Susan wouldn't stop neigh-ing and I was dying. I laughed and laughed and laughed. She's really good at it. Very spooky. Before long Michael came bounding over and I squealed and jumped up and down and gave him a hug. It's been quite a while since I've seen him so that was really cool. We talked and danced and then I noticed that T & D were still there and that the only reason is probably because T thinks M is cute. I didn't care though, if you want to dance by us I don't care if it's because I'm friends with another cute boy you wanna get with. We all danced for a long time and laughed and took pictures and Michael passed out spankings to Susan. The boys took off and some guy came over and started talking to Susan and she shamed him for what he said. That's like twice in one week. She's on fire! Around 1 we decided to take off but Susan wanted to say bye to Darren and I wanted to say bye to Michael so I found him and said bye and he liked my tattoo even though he knew it was fake and on my way back I ran into Eric and talked about the Eastside and that I'm a "princess" because I live in Bellevue and he asked where my tiara was. Whatever. Apparently he's in the reserves for the Air Force (per Teal's confirmation as well) and also a paramedic. Why the hell would you work at Neighbours if you've got that other stuff going on? I guess I shouldn't question. Susan came up, I said bye to Eric and we walked to our cars and Susan gave me a lift to mine.

Wednesday 12/5, Sos and I had lunch at a little Thai place by her school and made plans for dinner. Peggy let me off at 3:30 so I went home and moved some shit around and organized a bit then went to BB&B to pick up some pillows because my new bed set came in and ended up picking up some new sheets too that are nice and soft. I went to look at mattresses next and that shit is expensive! I was like, "Peace old guy, I can't afford this" and plan to return to Costco...or something. They were really wonderful, I'll give them that. I went to Sos' and presented the gouda. I constructed the salad and she the soup and together we did the sandwiches and talked about one of her coworkers and some other things and finally enjoyed our dinner in front of the tv. ANTM came on and we were heckling Bianca the whole time and were relieved when she was eliminated even though we both still don't like Jenna and her meth habit. I left not too long afterward and called Susan on the way home to discuss the outcome and her outing with Ryan. I chatted with Ian a little on Skype but mostly ran around my room and played with Jacques.

Tuesday 12/4, I picked up some “beauty” supplies for Ian. I got some conditioner and shaving cream at this cute little barber shop in Issaquah then after work I went straight into Bellevue where I found a little salon that had the rare shampoo I was looking for. Then over to Nordstrom where I got some moisturizer and lip balm then over to Sees where I got a little gift for Ian’s Dad since it will be his birthday party while I’m down there. I headed back home where I fixed some dinner and watched Beauty and the Geek. I prepped Peggy’s gift and started some laundry so I felt somewhat productive.

Monday 12/3, I stayed late at work so that I can leave early Friday for Portland. I went to Sos' house to drop off the shrimp Peggy gave me and we talked for a while about Eric and Ian and Jake and the flooding then I took off for some errands. My first stop was closed due to computer problems so next up was Target for some odds and ends, then home. I scrambled myself some eggs then indulged in some cookie dough since my pudding wasn't cold enough. I watched some tv then Ian beeped in on Skype so we watched each other watch our respective shows (Me - Arrested Dev, Him - Heros). At 10 we got down to it and discussed all sorts of topics. Of course us and where this is going, or not going, this weekend, meeting the fam, etc. He was exhausted so after I asked him a couple more questions (one G-rated, one NC-17-rated) we hung up. I read a little then went to bed.

Sunday 12/2, I woke up and laid in bed for a while, finally emerging around 10 to shower and prepare for the day. I called Sos and asked if she wanted to get lunch and she did so we agreed on a time and I finished getting ready. I called Susan and got most of the dirt on her evening then picked up Sos and we went to this cozy little back cafe in Gilman Village. I don't remember what it's called but we both had quiche and we were each brought a little tray with our food on it. We talked about Ian and Jake, and Kassie and Skylar and relationships and compromise and life goals, or more specifically, the next 5 years’ goals. I asked her what I should do with Ian and she reprimanded me for my suggestion and told me absolutely not and that this is good for Ian and that it would do us both good to be in it longer. After we finished we went to the toy store so she could look for baby gifts and we basically had a trip down memory lane with the books and velvety bear and mouse figures, then with the legos and we cracked up at all the different characters too be had. There was a kid in a wheel chair with two casts, then a dog on it's way to London, or how about the enormous coliseum, complete with gladiators. There were so many and we were cracking up looking at them. We took off and I dropped her at home so her and Jake could do their shopping. I went back to Gilman and peeked into most of the shops in search of Christmas presents. I came up empty handed and refrained from buying a sugary treat at Sweet Addition. Instead I went home, popped in Season One of Arrested Development, took my pants off and settled in bed with some cookie dough. I made it through about 4 episodes before falling asleep for an hour or two. When I woke up I felt incredibly lazy so I forced myself to clean up my room and put my clothes away. I called Ian and we talked for a while as I half-watched EHM and we've made plans for me to go down and see him this weekend. We also talked about t-shirts and his job and his crazy hangover and wasted weekend. I told him about Peggy's party and he felt bad for her that she spent so much money, but I assured him it was fun and charming anyway. He had to go so we hung up and I called Susan back and we chatted for a little bit then I watched Desperate Housewives and I ordered presents and shit on the net...this week is going to be crazy for deliveries...yikes. Then I did some research on some gifts for Ian, finished a GQ I've been working on for weeks and went to bed.

Saturday 12/1, I set my alarm and got up early in order to hit the mall and make it downtown plenty early for my hair appointment. So I was out the door and to the mall by about 9:30 and invaded Nordstrom first and picked up two pairs of shoes: one cute black peep toe heels, one sensible work style heels. I felt very accomplished, but this all changed after I went to Crate and Barrel and couldn't find ANYTHING I had seen online and in the catalog and left empty handed. I went to Pottery Barn and got an ornament for Mom and think she'll like it because it's not a hamburger or donut. It's a pretty sparkly bird. I went to Best Buy after that and got 3 cds for Alix and a DVD for Jake then called Susan and hit the road over to her house. It was so sunny and beautiful on the Eastside but Seattle was a little glum. Susan put on VH1 for me and we watched trashy tv shows and gossiped until it was time to go. I found parking super easily but realized I was insanely early for my appt so I walked around a little and ducked into an art supply store for a few minutes, passed an interesting fellow on a bike who’d found a frisbee while I stood there and asked me to confirm to his friends, which I did, then walked back to the car and read part of an article on Bette Davis. I went down and Sean was waiting for me and we started gabbing. First I told him my ideas for my hair and off he went. We talked about Ian and Sean Light and relationships, marriage, babies, cars, driving in the snow...but mostly relationships and how I've seen friends' relationships change drastically after they have kids...and that something like 80% of marriages the end in divorce occur within two years of having a child. Yikes. I'm not feeling lucky enough to bet on those odds. I'll keep my relationships kid-free thank you very much. He gave me a fabulous cut and we marveled at the snow falling outside. An hour and a half later I was on my way to my car with heavily falling snow and a tight parking job to get out of without the use of my back window (snow covered). I talked to Mom on my way home and told her the roads were fine but snow was quickly accumulating on the curbs. I got home, ate a little lunch and got dressed for Peggy's party that was starting in less than an hour. I put on my new shoes and a little black dress and set out in the snow. The roads were covered in snow but there weren't many people out (probably for that reason) so I made it to Peggy's without incident. Valet parked my car and I headed in to find Mom and Pandora who told me there were already at least 20 cancellations. Shit. There was a TON of food. I hung with them, then Molly, then Chip and Monique and made my rounds and eventually met Carol and Walter who I LOVED. They were so nice and Walter was dead set on fixing me up with one of the neighborhood bachelors (one is a pitcher for Philadelphia and just signed a $24 million contract) so that thoroughly amused me. They invited me to come down and see their house so I'll have to do that sometime. I sat on the couch with Mom and Dad for a while and enjoyed the violin player with the snow falling behind him. It was really beautiful. Chip was cracking me up like usual and told me about the lady in the red sequined getup. Mom and I decided to leave at 7:30 after most of the other people had left and by that point the roads were completely clear from the rain. K and me decided to skip dancing and I crawled in bed when I got home and did that for the rest of the night. I fell asleep after watching Cops and America's Most Wanted.

Friday 11/29, I was so tired after work from doing errands and decorating all day and I just wanted to take a nap, but I didn’t. Kay-See and I made plans and I relaxed, ate a little dinner then showered and washed my hair. I hit the road at 7:30 and K met me in the lobby. I figured Ryan was upstairs and she didn’t want me to go up there because of that, but let it go. When she got down I apologized for my hair being wet when we hugged and she asked if I was seeing Eric later or something, and I was like “Uhn! No!” and she just smirked and looked pleased with herself. We headed down to Cheesecake Factory, you know, to work on our checklist, and put our names in then headed down to Anthro where they were having a special friends and family thing by invitation only and I tried a few things on but didn’t buy anything. M was very cute, offering us champagne and truffles then gave me a special invitation for an event next week so I’ll have to keep that in mind. We decided to cruise through Nordstrom for some black shoes, and of course I struck out but I did try on the cutest gray Dolce and Gabbana pumps that the sales guy was like “Those are HOT, I love those shoes!” so I was like “Sold!” but not really because they were still like $300. We headed out empty handed and walked back to CF and told them sorry we were gone for an hour and they had no problem and seated us right away. We decided pretty quickly on our respective cheesecakes: Me – Oreo, Her – Lemon Raspberry (with ladyfingers!) and I think I liked hers better. We talked about her and R and I told her my stance on the whole thing then we lightened up and wondered how to discreetly take food off the peoples’ plates next to us. That rice just smelled so good. We ended up on the topic of going dancing and White Coat and planned to go the next night which excited both of us because we haven’t been in so long. We took off and walked back up to her house talking about dancing, bjs and my wet hair again which resulted in me suggesting just maybe I would call Eric (ahem, TOTALLY unrelated to he bj conversation) so we hugged and parted. I called Eric on the way to my car to see what he was up to and see if he wanted to hang out but he didn’t answer so I left a message and drove home. I watched a little news then turned in.

Thursday 11/29, I waited to hear from Eric but didn’t right away so made plans with Susan for either scenario. I got all ready in case I heard from him and needed to roll out then finally called him at 7:30 but no answer, so I texted and no response there, so I ended up going to Mom’s instead to drop off the bundt cake pans. I hung there talking and snacking on Lucky Charms then finally took off around 10 for Susan’s. We gabbed and talked about dumb boys and cute boys and gay boys and how we hadn’t seen Kyle forever and that his one picture would suggest he’s too gay even for Neighbours. We took off around 11 and parked in the usual spot and headed over. As we went in Susan spotted Kyle right away and we almost died. It’s seriously been about a year since I think we’ve seen him. Cuh-razy! We talked with him for a while then checked our coats and hit the floor. There were a few regulars: Tye, Riding Boots (complete with kicky beret), Morose and Max even showed up. I got a hug out of him but then he disappeared, same with Kyle…hmm, maybe we can put two and two together and that the alley has something to do with it. We did quite a bit of dancing and I kept my eye out for Eric and was plotting how to snitch and figure out if he was straight or not. Susan kept mock slapping me around and it was cracking me up. At the end of one song Susan expressed wanting to hear “Kids in America” and it totally came on and we both laughed hysterically. Teal and Darren showed up and danced with us a little bit and Darren really got going during “Sledgehammer” and we both had to wipe the drool off our chins. We stood upstairs for a while then danced a few more songs and decided to take off. I found out that the reason I hadn’t seen Eric patrolling is because he was working the door. We said bye to Teal in the alley and walked to our cars when Susan noticed Ryan was up and she called and went up to visit.

Wednesday 11/28, Peggy let me leave at 10:30 so I went to BB&B and picked up a few things for work and myself then talked to Mom and made plans to coordinate for a day of shopping. At home I ate some lunch and Mom showed up, I showed her some things I liked then she took off and I showered and got ready to meet up with her. She told me to meet her at home rather than Lamps Plus because she was just going to do a walk through so I headed there, then called Zach and talked to him then Mom beeped in and told me to meet her at LP, so I got back on the line with Zach and he told me about his interesting job endeavors and a job proposition for any of my friends who are into photography. I told him I had to go and met Mom who showed me some benches and lamps that I didn’t really like that much. We went to the house and left my car there then headed to Far Fetched where I saw a lot of pieces of furniture that I loved but we didn’t get anything and instead headed to David Smith and tried out a bunch of benches and I eventually picked one, though Mom liked the one that looked a little more French-y. The guy carried the bench out for us then we headed to U-Village to Pottery Barn where we found the lamp I liked so I got that too then we headed home. I hung out there for a couple hours talking to Mom and Dad then took off for the mall. I called Eric on the way there and told him about Kassie and Skylar and Thanksgiving then about Bellevue and lastly about getting tickets at the mall. I asked if he wanted to hang out the next night before Neighbs and he said yes and that he would call me. I got Dad’s present at Williams Sonoma but quickly fell short of finding presents for anyone else. So I headed home. Kay-See ended up not coming over so I made an omelet and talked to Sos and she commented that it’d been so long since we’ve talked so I definitely need to make some plans with her soooon. After ANTM and Gossip Girl I was thinking about Ian so I called him to tell him and we ended up talking for a little over an hour when I just wanted to say hi really quickly, but I certainly didn’t mind.

Tuesday 11/27, I don’t remember much except Ian called at 7:50 and we talked until 10:15. That’s totally a record. We talked about us quite a bit but didn’t come to any conclusions. We talked about other stuff too and he eventually had to go but we could have kept on talking. I missed Beauty and the Geek and most of DwtS, but caught the end.