Wednesday 2/6, I heard from Erik during the day but was still cracking up at the lack of planning. I'm Karrah, I'm a planner! After work I rushed home and cleaned because I didn't know how we were going to meet up and if it ended up being at my house I wasn't about to have it looking like it was. I did quite a bit in a short amount of time and my house feels clean once again. I hadn't heard from him by like 6:15 (we were supposed to meet at 7:30) and was talking to Susan about it and what to do then told her I needed to start getting ready. After I got out of the shower he texted me where we were meeting and the address and I just laughed. And laughed and laughed. Really? Not even a phone call to coordinate? Seriously? I called Susan cracking up then quickly got off again because I only had about 20 minutes to get ready. I set out toward Redmond and called Mom to tell her what I was doing, just to be safe, and as I was passing Marymoor there was a motorcycle behind me and I joked to Mom, "Maybe that's him behind me!" (it totally was) then I turned off to go a different way than the motorcyclist. I was there right on time, about 6 minutes early actually, and instead of strolling in right on time I sat in my car and tried to call Aubrie. When that didn't work I think I tried Kassie again, but no answer there either. So I'm sitting there telling myself only a couple more minutes when my phone rings and it's Erik and he's like "Where are you?" so I'm like "Oh, I just got here!" a total lie, and jumped out of the car and walked up. He was there and I suddenly hoped that he hadn't seen me sitting in my car, but I decided not to worry, because really, what were the chances? Very high, apparently. I'm so mortified even sitting here thinking about it. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. So we go in and sit down and start perusing the menu and he decides quickly and we start talking. It was a little awkward at first, like, I don't really know anything about you and I'm sure the guy at the next table must have been thoroughly amused. Some very interesting things were discussed: he's 24 (of course!), he's been stabbed (showed me the scar, which also allowed me a peek at his very nice biceps, mmmm), all the air force stuff and the paramedic stuff, how he's super good friends with the busser at Neighbs and me thinking that was hilarious, how he used to get into quite a bit of trouble, some family stuff, some ex-gf stuff and other general conversations stuff. I told him I don't drink and he was really surprised but didn't seem bothered at all. I made a joke about the cement shoes and he thought I was saying I was going to drop him to the bottom of Lk WA, but I clarified and told him my Ted Bundy stance and how he’s nice and all, but let’s be realistic, he could totally be rapist murderer. Toward the end he asked what I thought and I asked right back and he suggested dessert, but in Seattle. I said I was game if he was. I went to the bathroom and called Mom to tell her everything was fine and she asked if I had taken her advice and texted him from the table asking how he was. No. But it would have been somewhat amusing given something he said later in the evening. So it was a bit after 9 and we headed out to the parking lot where he told me he would pull around to my car and I asked him if he knew where I was parked and he was like "Oh yeah" basically meaning he'd seen me pull in and saw me just sitting in my car. I giggled nervously and was like "Oh...great" then queue more nervous laughter. He was like "Yeah…" with raised eyebrows and a smirk. I listened to Aubrie's voicemail and laughed my ass off then called Susan but told her I had to put it on speakerphone because I didn't want him to see I was talking on the phone. I told Susan about the car incident and she just laughed. I followed him up to the Hill and we parked up the street from Tango. Now, I had read about this dessert and was anxious to try it, for a few different reasons. One being that it's supposed to be really really good, the other being that it's supposed to be somewhat of an aphrodisiac or a dessert that gets the blood moving in the right places or something. I was interested on both fronts. We went in and were seated in the bar and Erik ordered and we chatted more. When it came it was good, but as he pointed out, it gets better as you keep eating it. And about half way through I was like "Oooh, uh oh" as that chili powder was certainly, uh, getting to me. The conversation was good and ended up kind of turning to sex and how age plays into it then Neighbs and how I assumed he was gay after one of the gay boys assumed he was from the “sweetheart” comment when he first started. I told him stories about what Teal and Richie have said, then how he thought Susan and I were lesbians and how you just can't judge a book by it's cover these days. THEN he told me my bartender, the one I'm always so coy with, is STRAIGHT. WHA?! I couldn't believe it. I feel played. Birth control methods and diseases came up and I was surprised at what he told me about being in the AF and the tests and stuff. He said a lot of people think he's an asshole but that he was once broken up with because he's too nice. Not a problem for this girl! I'm sure he wants kids though and when I laid out some of my reasons being that kids are hard and expensive and loud, he was like "So are men! Careful what you say!" and I laughed, then he went into how much he loves them...so yeah. Not so much. We talked about the drive into Seattle and how the light on his speedometer is broken so he couldn’t see how fast he was going so I told him, “Oh, like 62” and he’s like “Great, I’m sure you were thinking “Speed it up pussy!” and laughed. And I just kind of laughed and nodded and he was like “Great, thanks a lot” so that was cute. It was 11 and looked like they were closing up so we packed up (after he insisted on picking up the tab, I offered and always feel guilty if a guy pays for a meal) and started walking back up the hill. We started talking astrology and Sean and I asked what he was and he said Aries and I was like (after hitting him on his arm) "My last bf was an Aries!" all excited like then quickly "Not that you're my bf or anything, but you know!" and his birthday is two days after Ian's then he asked what I am and when I said Leo he goes "Uh oh" which I didn't realize until a few minutes later and I was like "Hey, what's that supposed to mean? "Uh oh" - Jerk!" So then he's like "You know how you hit my arm back there? You only get one" all mock serious "Do it again and I'm hitting you back" and I was all "ooOOOooooh, Mama like!" and he laughed. Then said he would hit me with a closed fist. It was adorable! Sike. Domestic violence is nothing to joke about. Except in this instance. So we're standing there and I don't know what's supposed to happen or going to happen so I'm just nervous and looking around. We talked for a while longer then he kind of went in for a hug and then like kissed me on the cheek and I just stood there, ugggg, I'm dying inside a little writing this, it was awkward. Much like the Trevor hug / kiss in the car thing. Oy. Then he said something about doing it again and I agreed then he made fun of me some more for sitting in my car when I got to the restaurant and how he was just sitting there looking at me in my car, but that I had no idea. That's embarrassing. He said he'd talk to me, but that he was more of a texter and I was like "Yeah, I know, I got that" busting his balls a little. I thanked him again and took off driving home beating myself up for not making out with him. I didn't know what to do though, seriously. It took me forever to fall asleep and I slept like shit. Must have been all that chocolate, etc.

Tuesday 2/5, No word from Erik all day so now I’m wondering if we’re even hanging out. Why are boys so f-ing confusing? At least this shit is amusing. After work I talked to Susan and cleaned the fireplace and vacuumed and fixed my vacuum. I ate some dinner then talked to Susan again. I tried to watch Biggest Loser but they kept fucking interrupting it to update on the primaries. I almost had a coronary. I drafted a text to Erik then sent on impulse and called Susan to relay what I’d done. About a half hour later he responded in the positive that we were still hanging out though I hoped he wouldn’t be giving me the details by hitting me with his ambulance as I had prophetically joked with Susan earlier. I played with J and he seemed to enjoy it then showered, put laundry away and climbed into bed.

Monday 2/4, I got a text at work from Erik:

Hey beautiful, sorry been out of touch. My dad came into town from Chicago. I still would like to go out with you some place maybe weds. This week I’m down to my bike though. Let me know.

I literally laughed out loud after reading this. “Beautiful”? Who does this guy think he is? My bf of six months? Kay-See thought it was cute, and I kind of do too, but beautiful? Really? I reminded Susan that he used to call me sweetheart so maybe it’s not such a stretch. Just a term he throws around loosely. No clue. Anyway, I wrote him back and told him I was in and that I could drive since I’m not so big on the whole motorcycle thing. At least when it’s rainy and gross out. In the summertime it might be kind of hot. Heh. So then Eric writes me on myspace and is all “Where’ve you been? Yada yada. What the fuck?” again I’m like “Really Eric, really? Seriously? Is that how it is? I don’t think so” because it sooo isn’t. I wrote him back telling him he’s the one who doesn’t return phone calls and texts, but then I made it more friendly so we’ll see if he does anything with that information. I still don’t think he has any idea Ian and I broke up. I didn’t tell him so he wouldn’t have heard it from me and it’s not like we run in the same group of friends. I wrote to Susan about it and her reaction was that boys are not amusing, but retarded. Also, Big Josh found me on myspace and I was so excited and wrote him a big long email and looked at all his pictures of him and his baby and baby-mama. I can’t believe he’s got a kid. Cuh-raaaaazyyyy. But I’m really glad he found me and maybe I’ll get to see him again soon. After work I was tired but determined to do my video…though after about 2 minutes I was severely lacking motivation and almost turned it off. But I didn’t. I told myself that doing it half assed was better than nothing at all so I got my heart rate up a little but not like usual. Plus my left thigh was killing me. I made some dinner and talked to Susan then showered and crawled into bed. I read through a back issue of Seattle magazine and cut stuff out then Susan called again and we talked for a long time. I went to bed a bit after 11.

Sunday 2/3, I dreamed that Erik and I made out again but this time it was AWFUL! Like it was a joke to him to see how bad of a kisser he could be. Terrible. Then I had a dream about Yellow Car and he was playing my favorite new Beirut song on his car stereo and I looked out my window then tried to fix my hair so that I could go down and talk to him. Instead his roommates just looked in my windows and I never made it outside. I slept til almost 10 and it felt soo good. I got up and did my workout video then reheated my French toast in the oven and it turned out really well. I didn’t know what I wanted to do for the day so I showered and figured I would determine plans later. Well plans didn’t really manifest and instead I ate some tater tots and talked to Kay-See and Susan and watched Ned Kelly, which I’ve had literally for years but never watched. Another depressing period piece, but that’s what I’m into apparently. I talked to K again who had fallen asleep and filled her in on Erik and she doesn’t get it either. I told her what D’s suggestion had been for a month from now and how Susan was like, “That’s not helpful!” and Kay-See thought it was also not helpful and was trying to imagine me convulsing on the floor at Neighbs. I watched a little Sex and the City and paid bills then headed over to Mom’s for dinner. I watched some of the Super Bowl then called Chrystol to make plans with her for later in the week and gave her a little sneak preview of my new gossip. I took off a bit before 7 from the rents’ and turned on EHM. It was the one that Ian designed the shirt for so I called him. I had actually not wanted to call him until after I knew he had received my letter, but I thought I could make an exception in this case. He was at a party but asked what was up so I told him and he said they’d gotten news that the little girl had passed away so that was really sad then he told me he got my letter and I was like (gulp) “…Oh…” and he said how much it meant to him and that when he’s not drunk and at a party he’ll let me know how much it means to him. It made me tear up just talking to him and he said he hopes I know how he feels about me and that he just really appreciated it. But that that moment wasn’t the time to go into it. We both laughed and I said I would talk to him later, then he was like “Hey” so I asked what and he said nothing and he’d talk to me later…but I wonder what he was going to say. Hmm. I might have an idea. I called Susan and talked with her for a few minutes then watched my shows.